Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2017

Remembering the Life of My Friend & Soror Sherry “Elle” Richardson…

Hello World,

If you hadn’t noticed, I took a brief hiatus from blogging. About three weeks ago, just before Memorial Day, my husband and I took a quick road trip to Tampa, Florida for his birthday so all of my extraneous energy was directed to that impromptu endeavor. And then the day after we returned, Memorial Day, I learned that a dear friend suddenly passed away. So it’s been difficult to collect my thoughts, much less write them or anything else down.

But here I am, back at a blank page, ready to reveal the ruminations I’ve had since my friend and soror Sherry “Elle” Richardson passed away, two weeks ago today, on her birthday.

This is how I looked when we first met. Yes, I was a geek at first 🙂

I met Sherry in 1992. I was a freshman at the University of Georgia in Athens, and she was a transfer student and sophomore. I met her along with another girl whom she had befriended before they met me. The three of us were fast friends, initially bonding over our desire to not be there at all. LOL! The three of us didn’t want to attend a white school, plain and simple. All devotees of “A Different World,” we were hungry to experience a historically black college or university, an HBCU, for ourselves. We wanted the funky marching band, the opportunity to meet our own Dwayne Wayne, Shazza Zulu or Julian Day (dependent on your taste in men), the endearing yet tough tutelage of black professors and the adventures that unfolded in dormitories teeming with people who looked like you but were from everywhere. Instead we were the minority, one of a few black faces at a school where we expected to learn but we couldn’t guarantee much else. But over time, we grew to love our historically white university and all that went with being a Georgia Bulldog in Athens at that time.

If college was a trip and it was, then Sherry was my travel agent. We had so many adventures together! A sheltered preacher’s daughter, I longed to party a la Ariel in “Footloose,” and Sherry was the perfect partner in partying. We practiced dancing in the mirror before we could “shake what your mama gave ya” in parties at Memorial Hall, where most on-campus parties were held! And if we felt like it, we ventured to Atlanta and partied in clubs all over town too. Our belief was it we weren’t dripping sweat when we left a party then we hadn’t partied.

But Sherry wasn’t all about partying though. We both wanted to establish ourselves as leaders on that colossal campus. One of the ways that we concocted to do so was to pledge a sorority. We noticed that most of the black women who seemed to be leaders were members of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated, plus they won all of the step shows and looked good doing so. Since she was a year ahead of me, Sherry was ready to pledge, but as a freshman, I wasn’t quite ready or qualified. Sherry decided that one of the ways that she could get the attention of the Deltas was to take part in the Miss Black University of Georgia pageant, which was sponsored by the sorority. Not only did she take part, she won the competition! I’m sure you can guess what happened after that. And when I was ready to pledge the following year, 1995, she successfully advocated for me to become a member of our illustrious sorority.

Partying in Atlanta after we graduated from college…I got better with time fortunately…

After she graduated in 1995 and I graduated in 1996, we kept in touch. In fact, I introduced her to many of childhood friends who promptly loved her as much as I did. In fact, some of these friends hung out with her without me at times. One of our first adventures as brand new adults was a girls trip we took to Jamaica in 1997. It was such a heady experience to travel with your girls on your own dime! The four of us belted out our rendition of TLC’s “Creep” over and over and over again at a karaoke spot one night. I remember shutting down a “hole in the wall” club another night. One day, we watched a brave friend jump from the cliff at Rick’s Cafe in Negril. We called the trip the “Girl Dems Sugar,” a song by Beenie Man that we heard repeatedly wherever we went on the island. And since Sherry was a film producer by profession, she filmed our adventures in a beautiful video that I have to figure out a way to see now since no one has a VCR anymore.

On the Metro in D.C. on Inauguration Day (don’t ask me why I have on pink and green?!)

Speaking of a VCR, fast forward years later, in 2009, several of us caravanned from Atlanta to Washington, D.C. to see the inauguration of President Obama. It was amazing that Sherry, one of my first friends at an institution where I feared I would be lost as a minority, and I witnessed the inauguration of the first black president of this country together. We bought thermal underwear, hand warmers and more to brave the bone-chilling temperatures on the mall that memorable day and shed it all to stun at the Southern Ball that night.

At the Southern Ball, one of several balls that President Obama and First Lady Obama stopped by…

And then in September 2012, we were back in Jamaica again as one of our friends, a childhood friend who now claimed Sherry as one of her besties, was getting married on the island. We were roommates, and it was a wonderful opportunity to catch up in a way that is sometimes hard to do as adults with jobs and other responsibilities. As we were there for a wedding, we discussed what love and marriage meant for us and pondered what that would look like for us as women nearing 40 years old.

At my book release party in 2012…

That next year, 2013, I helped Sherry celebrate her 40th birthday at a Hawaiian luau-themed party she had a her home. A month later, she came to my Southern tea-themed bridal shower followed by my wedding in August of that same year. As college students who lived down the hall from another one another, we saw each other every day. Naturally, as single women staking our claim in our chosen professions following college graduation, we didn’t see each other every day anymore. But we saw each other pretty regularly when our extended group of girls got together to explore the city from brunches, Memorial Day picnics, sisterhood retreats (which she created) at various homes and destinations, the “Sex and the City” movie premiere and more.

But I must admit, when I got married, I cocooned myself in newlywed bonding and didn’t avail myself to random hanging as much as I once did. I noticed the same pattern among friends who had gotten married before I did so I realized it was normal although not always advisable for maintaining friendships. When I heard the news of Sherry’s passing, I realized it had been quite some time since I had seen my friend…I only hope that Sherry knew how much I treasured my friendship with her over the years although recent life events dictated my time.

At a friend’s bridal shower…

Although I am a committed Christian, I cannot pretend that I have an inkling as to why God chose to call my friend away from this earthly realm. Since her homegoing, as I’ve walked throughout my house or driven somewhere, found myself saying, “Imagine Sherry is no longer here?” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve experienced the passing of friends, family members and church family, but it doesn’t make it easier or predictable. These experiences only emphasize that life is truly a transitory state. We should savor all that this life, though temporal, has to offer, but most importantly, we have to be saved or become a Christian to go to Heaven, which lasts for eternity.

So that’s all I have except to say I will miss and love her forever. And I thank God I knew her…

Rest well Sherry…Save a seat for me in eternity…

Any thoughts?

Posted on Sunday, May 10, 2015

When Mothers Day Is Not Necessarily Happy…7 Women Share Their Experiences…

Hello World,

Happy Mother’s Day to my wonderful mother Mrs. Alice May Holness, whom I have written about in “Alice May, It’s Your Day (Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers).” The older I get, the more I appreciate all that makes her uniquely her. Her no-nonsense Jamaican sensibilities tempered with her fierce love for her family and church family. Her interest in modern pop culture (she knows who Nicki Minaj is by watching “American Idol”) and commitment to seemingly old school values like cooking almost daily for family AND friends. Her commitment to femininity (one of her beliefs is that every woman must have a scent) and devotion to working out hard in the gym (her trainer has praised for her strength although she is one of the older ones in her group).

I am always happy to celebrate my mother on Mother’s Day!…And yet for many others, Mother’s Day is not necessarily happy…Because I want to honor all experiences on Mother’s Day, I’m devoting today’s blog post to those who may be divided about celebrating today or who would skip this day altogether if they could…Below are seven stories about these types of experiences…

1. “An Open Letter to Pastors (A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother’s Day)” by Amy Young

Excerpt – A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again. – See more at: timewarp.com.

2. “My Baby Was Never Born. But I Was a Mom, Too” by Blane Bachelor

Excerpt – I’ve never been a huge fan of Michelle Duggar, but when she made headlines last year by holding a memorial service for her stillborn daughter, complete with images of the baby, I felt a certain solidarity with her. I’m sure her motivation wasn’t to shock people or stir up controversy; instead, she was simply validating the existence of her daughter to the world. Isn’t that the least we owe our lost children? See more at: washingtonpost.com.

3. “How It Feels To Not Have A Mom On Mother’s Day” by Madison Tate

Excerpt -Before she passed, I hadn’t considered myself to be a heavily religious person. I was always driven by curiosity, and facts and science answered my questions. However, as soon as I lost her, I knew I had to have faith. See more at elitedaily.com.

4. “#ThisIsWhatBlackMotherhoodLooksLike: Why I Gave My Child Up for Adoption” by Aprille Franks-Hunt

Excerpt – The dark cloud of acceptance in the instances of unwarranted shame that comes with being called a, “birth mom.” Which by the way, something about that term, “birth mother/mom,” seems so dismissive to me. As if, we’re no longer mothers because we chose to allow another woman to become one. See more at ebony.com.

5. “Muslim daughter and Christian mother celebrate unity on Mother’s Day” by Colleen O’Connor

Excerpt – When Alana Raybon converted to Islam, her mother, Patricia, — a devout Christian — was devastated, feeling that she had failed her faith and family. She also felt very angry at her daughter for fragmenting their family. See more at: denverpost.com.

6. “Recovering From a Nightmare, One Mother’s Day at a Time” by Rick Hampson

Excerpt – On the first Mother’s Day after her husband killed their two young children and then himself, several questions faced Zoey Mendoza: How do you survive a mother’s worst nightmare? How do you be a mother to kids you can no longer hug or kiss? How do you endure a holiday that honors something so precious that was torn from you so suddenly? See more at usatoday.com.

7. “Black Women and Mother Loss: 5 Steps for Getting through Mother’s Day” by Liz Alexander

Excerpt – There isn’t adequate language to describe the pain of mother loss and the permanent void it leaves. In fact, Hope Edelman, author of Motherless Daughters, reminds us that the pain and the void experienced differs depending on several different factors: the type of relationship the daughter and mother had while the mother was living; the age of the daughter when the loss occurred; and the actual cause of the loss (such as physical illness, suicide, abandonment, mental illness, etc.) Nonetheless, mother-loss has profound effects on a daughter’s identity, self-esteem, faith, and the overall quality of her life. See more at forharriet.com.

Any thoughts?

Posted on Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A Christmas Prayer – NEW BOOK ALERT!!!

Hello World,

Although the Georgia warm weather may have you fooled, the countdown to Christmas has begun for many people…Even though we still have to celebrate Thanksgiving, it is a good time to plan for the Christmas gifts we will give to our family and friends…At the same time, there are some who would rather avoid the holiday altogether…New York Times bestselling author Kimberla Lawson Roby is back with a new book that would be a great Christmas gift for family and friends and addresses those who are not looking forward to the holiday…Presenting “A Christmas Prayer”

In A CHRISTMAS PRAYER, readers meet Alexis Fletcher, who hasn’t had a merry Christmas in five years — not since her mother passed away. Every December she remembers the joy her mother brought to everyone during the holiday season and feels the pain of her absence, even more so now that she and her sister are barely speaking. More than anything, Alexis wishes her family could be whole again.

However, with her wedding fast approaching, Alexis might just be ready to make some holiday memories with a new family of her own. Alexis’s fiancé, Chase Dupont, is everything she ever dreamed of. He’s kind, handsome, completely supportive of Alexis’s career and is CEO of a large company. But outside forces threaten to derail this happy couple from ever reaching the altar. As tensions rise, a dramatic event causes Alexis to question everything. Will fate give her what she needs to finally embrace the season that has brought her so much pain? Will Alexis finally have a happy holiday? Or will her Christmas prayer go unanswered?

“A Christmas Prayer” is the first Christmas novel in Roby’s 21-book career, and one to which Roby — who hasn’t fully celebrated Christmas since the passing of her mother — can relate.

About the Author

Kimberla Lawson Roby is the author of the acclaimed works “The Prodigal Son,” “A House Divided,” “The Perfect Marriage,” “The Reverend’s Wife,” “Secret Obsession” (novella), “Love, Honor, and Betray,” “Be Careful What You Pray For,” “A Deep Dark Secret” (novella), “The Best of Everything,” “Sin No More,” “One in a Million” (novella), “Love and Lies,””Changing Faces,” “The Best-Kept Secret,” “Too Much of a Good Thing,” “A Taste of Reality,” “It’s a Thin Line,” “Casting the First Stone,” “Here and Now” and “Behind Closed Doors.” She lives with her husband in Illinois.