Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2014

7 Negative Things I’m Thankful For…

Hello World,

At this time of the year, it is appropos to compile the obligatory gratitude list…I’m thankful for my health, family, spouse, etc….Yes, all of those are definitely true, but according to God’s word we are to:

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:1

This means that God expects us to be thankful for even the negative things that He has allowed in our lives, but we have hope in all circumstances, negative and positive, because:

We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So with those two verses in mind, I decided to turn my gratitude list on its head and praise God for what I originally thought was negative, but God it turned into positive…I’m going all the way back to childhood…Come with me 🙂

1. Not Being a Popular Kid and Bordering on Being Chubby For Most of My Childhood…I guess I’ve always been self-conscious which doesn’t work well on the playground…If someone asks you to play with him or her on the playground, and you rehearse your answer before you reply…You will probably not be the most popular kid…You will be probably be among the weirdo kids…Or if you would rather watch the Brady Bunch [insert whatever show is popular now] with a snack instead of go outside and play kickball, you will probably be among the chubby kids…But not being the most popular, kinda chubby kid made me develop my inner qualities like compassion and kindness because I was sometimes treated without compassion and kindness…AND now that I’m adult, I have no illusion that I can just sit around and preserve my sexy…Good thing to know when you’re over 40…I have to eat right and work out…no excuses…God knows best…

2. Getting Into the Honors Program at Howard University, But Not Receiving Any Scholarship Money…Like many of my friends who spent our high school years watching a “Different World” or attending Atlanta Football Classic games, I just knew I would be attending an HBCU (historically black college or university)! My chosen HBCU was Howard University in our nation’s capital. I had visited Washington D.C. when I was in the seventh grade, and I vowed I would return there as a college student…But it wasn’t meant to be…Although I got into Howard University and the school’s Honors Program, I didn’t receive any scholarship money…It only made sense that at point to go to the school where I had three scholarships…The University of Georgia…a dreaded HWCU…LOL…To my surprise, I had a blast in college, pledged the most wonderful sorority (Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc.) in the world and got a great journalism education without worrying about being hampered by the debt I would have surely incurred had I gone to my “dream school.” God knows best…

3. Becoming a Christian, and Then Losing My Friends…When I decided to give my life to Jesus Christ and no longer depend on the fact that my father, my uncles and grandfather were pastors, I expected my life to get better…After all, if I know God, the creator of the universe, how could anything go wrong? We cool like that…I was wrong…so very wrong..Many of my friends didn’t understand why I spent more time than the obligatory Sunday morning in church or chose not to go to certain places…I cried and I cried I felt so alone…But it was during those moments that God got me alone that I got to know Him…Many of those friendships have been restored as time has passed…but I still know how to depend on God alone because of that time…God knows best…

4. Losing My Job Right After I Bought My First Home…I must admit I was frantic when I lost my job at a newspaper months after buying my first home…Up until that time, I had been living with my parents and while I paid for my own bills like for my car, clothes, etc., my parents didn’t force me to pay rent or anything although I was a college graduate…All of a sudden, I had to pay more bills with less money…During that year or so, I was depressed…I ignored some bills…I took some jobs beneath my education just to get by…But I also had time to explore my creativity like taking a class on “The Artist’s Way” and seeing a career counselor…And when it was all over, I learned that God was my resource not that job…I learned that I didn’t even want a traditional newspaper job anymore…God knows best…

5. Wanting to Get Married at 30 Years Old, Only to Get Married a Month Short of my 40th Birthday…My mom got married when she was 30 years old…Why would my life be any different? Well, chile, what I did I know? As it turns out, nothing at 30 years old…I had to date some good ones, some bad ones, some crazy ones, etc. before I was finally ready for the man God had for me…Those 10 years were heartbreaking, but they were also precious…a gift of human experiences…I wouldn’t want to go through them again, but I learned so many things about myself and other people that only be taught in the classroom of life…Plus, those years fueled my writing life like nothing else…As any writer knows, pain is the best inspiration…God knows best…

6. Taking Seven Years to Get a Book Deal…In 2002, I had an idea to write a memoir about developing a personal relationship with God, and in 2003, I began trying to get a publisher for my book…It wasn’t until 2010 that I got a book deal…Yes, seven years after I started…But it took all of that time to show me the book needed to include other women and not just me…When I became a Christian, I searched bookstores looking for Christian life books written by black women…I found one or two here or there, but I knew there needed to be more…Once I got some Christian living under my belt, I wanted to write one for a black Christian woman who, like me, wanted to know how other black Christian women walked out their faith…What I learned by being rejected over and over again was that I needed more experiences than just mine…My book includes the testimonies of 24 women in ONE book…This is so the book I wanted for myself years ago…God knows best…

7. Taking Seven Years To Get a Book Deal…Yes, I know already wrote that…But I have more to share on this topic…In 2007, my dream publisher (I still walk around with the business card of the acquisitions editor of this company.) at the time was interested in my original memoir, but my book was ultimately rejected because I didn’t have a platform….I.Almost.Died…At least it felt like I was nearing death because I got so close to realizing my dream only to wake up to the cruel reality of life for an unpublished author…But I didn’t let that rejection stop me…I got busy on developing my platform…This blog was birthed as a result of that rejection…This blog has become a way that I connect to others across the nation and the world…a place to dream…a place to vent…an online history…I love it so…And it is one of the reasons that I got a book deal as I met former “The View” co-host Sherri Shepherd, one of the women featured in book, because of this blog…

So what “negative” things are you thankful for today? Happy Thanksgiving 🙂

Any thoughts?

Posted on Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Wonder Years…Mom & Dad Edition…

Hello World,

My mom and dad on their wedding day in 1971, just months before they arrived at Milligan College…

On this Thanksgiving Eve, I am thankful for so many blessings! But in today’s post, I want to express my gratitude for my mother and father. A week ago today, my parents and I traveled on the interstate through the mountains to Johnson City, Tennessee for my speaking engagement the next day at Milligan College. I was invited to speak there about a week or so before my wedding date. I thought it was one of those weird coincidences because I had never met anyone from the college except for my Dad! That’s right, my father received one of his several degrees there in 1972, the year before I was born. So I asked my parents if they would come with me, and they happily agreed as they had not been back to the campus since 1972.

The entrance of Milligan College…

So even though the trip was about speaking to the students and hopefully imparting some of the lessons I’ve managed to learn in my 40 years, the trip was also a chance to get to know my parents before they were my parents. In fact, when they arrived on Milligan’s campus they had just gotten married months before in August 1971. I thought it would be interesting to learn about them as a newly married couple, particularly as I’m newly married.

The chapel were I spoke…When I saw the size of this place, I was so very nervous…

So here is some of what I learned about my mother and father before they were my parents:

My mom experienced “culture shock” moving to Johnson City which is still pretty small now but was even smaller then. Although she is from Jamaica, she had been living in New York City with one of my uncles before she married my father so it was a definite change to move from the hustle and bustle of gritty New York City to the serene mountains of Johnson City.
An outside view of the beautiful chapel…
My father also had to deal with culture shock from a racial perspective. After I spoke during the chapel service, my parents and I had lunch with several students in Milligan’s Goah Diversity Scholars Program. Through this wonderful program, several minority students have been able to receive full-tuition scholarships to Milligan. The students that we met are Hispanic and shared how they often feel other than or different for a variety of reasons ranging from missing familiar foods to cultural celebrations. My father empathized with them because he said he had similar experiences back then.
An outside view of the dining hall…
My parents lived in a trailer on campus! I cannot imagine trailers being all that comfortable, but my parents said the trailers were actually quite nice. They did mention there was a student from Grenada that used to regularly barge into their trailer and march up to their refrigerator to see what my mom prepared. With a laugh, my father said he had to “nip that in the bud” pretty quickly.
Emmanuel Christian Seminary is across the street from Milligan College..

My parents raved about how beautiful the campus was, and it is still a very beautiful campus.
While my father was in school, my mother worked worked in the president’s office as well as another location on campus. My father was actually a co-pastor at a small church in Johnson City.

While eating dinner in town, a Milligan student who worked at the restaurant came up to me and said she enjoyed my message...Made me so good I had to take a picture with her:)

While eating dinner in town, a Milligan student who worked at the restaurant came up to me and said she enjoyed my message…Made me feel so good I had to take a picture with her:)

As I watched my parents reminisce, it occurred to me that they probably really bonded as a newly married couple in Johnson City because they were there without family and friends. I think that would probably be an experience that would valuable for most newly married couples. And it must have been an incredible adventure considering their age! My parents got married just as they turned 30 years old. I wasn’t ready to get married at 30 years old, but I must admit, I feel a little sad about waiting until I was just shy of 40 to get married. But then again, I trust in God’s timing…

So on this Thanksgiving Eve, I thank God for my parents – the people they were before they brought me into the world and the people that I have known in my 40 years…And thank you Milligan College for inviting me to speak and being a part of my parents’ history together…

The mountains from my parents’ hotel room…

What are you thankful for this year?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Sunday, November 1, 2009

My Glass is Half Full…

Hello World!!!

As of today, at least according to me, we are officially in the Thanksgiving season…and no matter what displays are already out in department stores, we are not in the Christmas season yet…

This year, I would like to focus on gratitude for the whole month of November rather than just on Thanksgiving Day…So what was the catalyst for this decision…Last week my manfriend aka my boyfriend D (do you really have a boyfriend if he is a fully grown man? I don’t know…) challenged me about my penchant to focus on negativity in some areas and predict negative outcomes…

I don’t think I’m an overall negative person but sometimes I do fall into the habit of focusing on what I don’t have rather than what I do have. He pointed out that everything in his life is not how he wants it to be either, but that he would rather focus on what he has. He said he always sees his glass as half full rather than half empty…

So the next day as I performed my work, I made an effort to see my glass as half full no matter what happened and be thankful for life just as it is. And God pointed out to me in numerous ways that I have a lot to be thankful for even if He chooses to never bless me with anything else…As a part of my job, I have to park in several parking spaces all over town. As you would expect, I always try to find the spaces closest to my destination and luckily for me, that usually happens.

But the day after I decided to see my glass as half full, I ended up getting a parking space at a location a little farther away from where I am usually able to park – it was if as God was saying, “Ima see if she is going to be thankful if she has to go out of her way to get to her destination…” (Now some of y’all are probably saying, “You can’t pray to God to get a good parking space” or “God isn’t concerned about something as insignificant as a parking space.” Well, in Bible study, we are studying the creation story in Genesis, and it is clear to me that God is so magnificent and magnanimous that He is concerned with everything that concerns His beloved creation – even parking spaces.) So as I was walking to my destination, I noticed a man getting out of his jeep, which was parked in one of the spaces that I had my eye on….It probably took at least 15 minutes for the man to get out his jeep as he walked with two canes…Obviously, he needed the space more than I did. As I watched him painstakingly make his way to his destination, I had to be thankful I could jump out my car, slam the door and be on my way in less than a minute. My glass is half full…

On any given day, I would like to be a few pounds thinner – seriously…but I was reminded last week how I used to be obsessed with my weight and control my food intake like it was a life and death situation…I mean I used to weigh myself several times a day and say all kinds of negative things to myself if I wasn’t at my desired weight. I.WAS. CRAZY…for real…Yeah, I still have my moments when I obsess about my weight for sure, but trust me it’s a long way off from how I used to be…My glass is half full…

If you have read my blog posts over the past year, you know that I would like to be a published book author…I feel like I’m destined to be a published book author and still it hasn’t happened…(Yes, I know about self-publishing…) But thanks be to God that I do get paid to write already…And I received a freelance writing check in the mail yesterday as I was working on my monthly budget (Shout out to Sonia!). Ain’t God good…My glass is half full…

I could rattle off more, but I want to hear from you…How is your glass half full?

And if you know me and you hear me saying a negative statement, you have permission to tell me to stop right then and thank God for my glass being half full…

Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this. I Thessalonians 5:18

Any thoughts?

P.S. I have also decided to bless rather than curse situations by speaking positively as “the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

I love this song about being thankful…I feel you girl…I hope to be singing this song one day…