Posted on Sunday, May 12, 2013

Alice May, It’s Your Day (Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers) – REPOST

Editor’s Note: I originally wrote this post in 2011, but I still feel the same way today…Thank God for my beautiful mother…

Hell World,

Mom had da bomb Jheri curl back in the day…(Mom, me and my brother)

You know what it is…It’s that special day each year that is set aside to honor the women who not only gave birth us but give their lives for us if we’re lucky and blessed…I am…and so today, I must honor Alice May, my mama!

I’ve been thinking for the last few weeks what should be the focus of today’s post…Yesterday, I went to Southwest Regional Library on Cascade Road to see Atlanta’s Georgia Peach Authors which includes Dwan Abrams, Kendra Norman-Bellamy, Jean Holloway, Gail McFarland, Marisa Monteilh and Electa Rome Parks. It was the first stop on their 2011 tour. Anyway, McFarland, a romance novelist, talked about her blog named Mamaknology which is dedicated to the wise sayings that her mama told her. One of her wise sayings was, “Don’t show the best of what you have to the worst of the world.” Translation: Don’t wear a skirt so short that any and everybody can see your stuff…Wise stuff fo sho…I thought about writing a post about my own my mamaknology, but my mama doesn’t really deliver one-liners like that so I decided not to attempt to bite McFarland’s wonderful idea…

But as is the case for much of my life (and since this is a primarily a religious blog), I found inspiration within the pages of The Holy Bible…You have probably heard of the Proverbs 31 woman, the bout it bout it wife and mother who is so accomplished from her business to her home life that she must be a myth…Well, I know it’s true because it describes my mother…So indulge me as I rewrite its words, Proverbs 31: 10-31, to describe my mother…

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
Look no further than Alice May Holness. She is worth far more than the fattest platinum diamond ring.
¹¹ Her husband, Dr. Denzil D. Holness, has full confidence in her
and has anything that a husband could ever want…
¹² She brings out the best in him and supports him
all the days of her life.
¹³ She is an old school mama that knows how to sew and works with eager hands to make her home a sanctuary.
¹⁴ She is like the semi-trailer trucks that crisscross the nation,
bringing her food from afar from from the DeKalb Farmers Market to her network of Jamaican friends.
¹⁵ She goes to bed late and gets up early;
she provides home-cooked food for her family almost nearly every day
and has enough left over to give to her friends.
¹⁶ She has been selling Avon for decades;
out of her side hustle she provides extra money for her household.
¹⁷ She relishes working hard even though she is retired now,
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She knows that she is working for her family and the Lord,
and she stays up working later than anyone in her house.
¹⁹ She can sew an outfit as easily
and as she knits together her family.
²⁰ She is always ready to give away something to somebody
and the trunk of her car is where she stores much of her impromptu inventory .
²¹ When it snows in Atlanta (which is rare) or the weather is just bad, she has no fear for her household; because her shelves are well stocked and she even has a kerosene lamp
²² She has clean bed linens always ready to be used;
she is clothed in her best on Sundays.
²³ Dr. Holness is respected among men at church,
where he takes his seat among the deacons and other leaders at the church.
²⁴ She volunteers in Jamaica every summer teaching children at a Vacation Bible School,
and supplies all the children with arts and crafts, clothing and other items she lovingly collects and brings from the United States.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She tells it like it is so if you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t step to her.
²⁷ She manages her household
and even takes care of her grandchildren nearly every weekend.
²⁸ My brothers and I arise and call my mother blessed;
Dr. Holness, my father, does too, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women have it going on,
but you surpass them all Mama.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Give it up for Alice May because today is her day…

Any thoughts?

P.S. I love this Boyz II Men Song “A Song For Mama”…

Posted on Sunday, May 13, 2012

Surviving Mama…(a repost in honor of Mother’s Day)

Editor’s Note: This post originally ran in September 2011, but as today is Mother’s Day, I believe that Dr. Thompson’s book can help people who have challenged relationships with their mothers…With that said, today is a day to honor our mothers even if those relationships are challenged. As it is stated in the Bible, “Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise–that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-3

Hello World!

As you know by now, I am a serious book lover and am always excited when I encounter a “must-read” book! My friend Dr. Pamela Thompson has written such a book!

In the black community, “Mama” is revered above any other figure in our history. Dating back to slavery, when all else failed, “Mama” was the one to hold it together. Even today, Mother’s Day is nearly as popular as Christmas, Thanksgiving & Easter…which makes it that much harder to admit if you have a problem with your mother or the way that you were raised by the woman that gave you life.

However, in her new book, “Surviving Mama: Overcoming Strained Mother-Daughter Relationships,” Dr. Thompson has provided tangible tools to help those who may be searching for a way to broach this issue…Read my Q&A with Dr. Thompson about her new book below.

1. Tell me about “Surviving Mama.” Describe how you fused Biblical and psychological principles in the book.

I understand that my calling is to highlight the intersection of God’s timeless teaching and wisdom with things that can be explained in the natural or clinical world. In bringing both worlds together–the clinical and the biblical–I hope to cover as many bases as possible in providing guiding principles that give people the tools to KNOW better, DO better, and LOVE better with boundary-setting and choice as a part of the equation.

2. Why did you write “Surviving Mama”, and who is your target audience?

I wrote “Surviving Mama” for anybody who is a daughter -whether she has issues with her mom or not. The perfect audience would be those who are Christian women (African- American women in particular) in search of deeper truth with a willingness to pursue answers and make radical changes in the way they’ve lived life thus far. However, the book is applicable to anyone experiencing discomfort, strife, distress in any close, complex family relationship that just doesn’t work. Ideal age
for the reader would be 25 and up.

3. How did you find the women you featured in the book? You also mentioned a well-known mother and daughter prolific author Alice Walker and her daughter Rebecca Walker, who is also a writer. What about their relationship made you include a reference to them in the book?

I found the women from among my clients and friends. I’ve
literally interviewed thousands of women in my career from murderers to physicians and lawyers, and this topic comes up frequently. I’ve worked with women who have killed their mothers or their daughters and women who have good mothers who still have their own issues and deficits that spill over into the mother-daughter relationship. I’ve always had a close-knit circle of girlfriends, and I’ve seen the mother-daughter issues change from decade to decade as I have experienced in my own relationship with my mom who’s lived with me for
the past five years.

The Walker mother-daughter duo was just a perfect fit for that chapter on control. Certainly it would appear that the daughter of Alice Walker would be edified as a woman, a “sister” and certainly would enjoy the privileges of her mother’s wisdom, insights and wealth. Yet, this was not the case, and it underscored my point very richly that the nuances and inadequacies of any mother-daughter relationship cannot be determined from the outside looking in.

4. What feedback have you received about the book, particularly since “Mama” is a revered figure, particularly in the black community?

I approached this subject gingerly specifically because of the
reverence bestowed upon “Mama” in our communities, and I didn’t want the purpose of this book to be Mama-bashing. It’s bigger and deeper than that. In fact, it’s not that at all. It took me four years to write, not because it’s so lengthy, but because I wanted to treat the issue just right.

I’ve received overwhelming response to the book. I have been blown away at how women have responded across race and socio-economic status. It appears that the book has given women “permission” to discuss this taboo topic with greater confidence that they’re not alone. I usually end up doing “therapy” at each of my book signings as women discuss their long-held pains on this issue quite openly. I pray that it serves as a tool of self-discovery, healing and transcendence.

5. What was your process for writing this book?

I had my best success when writing EARLY in the morning
for 45 minutes or so before I started my day. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would baptize me daily and instruct me accordingly in what I should write before I started every writing session. It is a God-inspired work.

6. As a writer, I write to know. What did you learn from writing the book?

I’ve received confirmation that the issue is as big as I’ve
experienced in my personal and clinical experiences. I’ve learned that mothers are often blind in many ways, as we all are, to how we impact others with our misdeeds. I’ve deepened my understanding of the guaranteed silver lining in any contentious relationship and how our “enemies” can be the members of our family, and yet those enemies probably do more for us than those who’ve always cheered us on IF you allow it. I truly get that ALL things work together for good for them that love the the Lord and are called accordingly to His purpose.

7. Where can you buy the book?

Book can be bought at survivingmama.com and amazon.com(Kindle and paperback). It will be moving into bookstores soon, starting with Medu at Greenbriar Mall. People can also call me directly at (404) 644-0710 and come by my office to buy a copy. I’m available for women’s workshops and conferences.

Any thoughts?

P.S. Check out Dr. Thompson’s video about her book.

P.P.S. Dr. Thompson is also featured in my book!

Posted on Sunday, May 10, 2009

I’ll Always Love My Mama: Mother’s Day Reflections

Look at my hot mom - stylin' & profilin'!

Hello World!!!

I hope that you are celebrating your mother today as this is Mother’s Day! I know that today is a bittersweet day for my mother and father as both of their mothers are now absent from this world and present with the Lord, but I’m sure that today, if only in their thoughts, they will be with their mothers. I’m a Daddy’s girl, but the heart of my family is my mother…Last year, I wrote some devotionals about mothers and their relationships with their daughters and submitted them to a devotional book. However, my entries were not accepted for publication. 🙁 Still, in honor of mothers everywhere, I have decided to post them here. The first one is about my relationship with my mother. Also, I have posted some pics of my mom over the years.

Devotional #1

A Mother’s Mercy

“I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.

Yet I still dare to hope, when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.”

Lamentations 3:20-22

“A prom for eighth graders,” my father sputtered. “That is inappropriate. No. You cannot go!”

A preacher’s daughter, I realized I had more rules than my girlfriends, but I had hoped in this case my father would let me join in with the crowd. True to form, however, he said no to my request and wouldn’t budge. On the Friday before the prom that weekend, I was a broken spigot of quiet tears and didn’t know how I was going to bear hearing about the prom from my girlfriends on Monday.

My mother, also a preacher’s daughter, surprised me when she said, “I have made an appointment for you to get your hair done and cut tomorrow morning.”

She agreed with my father, but she heard and understood my pain.

At school on Monday, I didn’t get to regale my girlfriends with stories about the prom, but they did “ooh and aah” about my sharp, new haircut!

A mother’s mercy, like God’s mercy, can go a long way in times of distress.

Devotional #2

Mom had da bomb Jheri curl back in the day...(Mom, me and my brother)

Our Impossibilities are God’s Specialties

“Then the Lord said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, Can an old woman like me have a baby? Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.’”

Genesis 18:13-14

Just months before her thirty-second birthday and no husband on the horizon, Michelle reasoned she wouldn’t be like her mother who had her at 32 years old or her sisters who had their first children at 32 years old. After reading a newspaper article about a shelter, she decided to give to children by helping the shelter’s pregnant teenagers get their GED. Although the program was quickly phased out, Michelle volunteered with the shelter’s “Rock the Baby” program for babies born to drug addicted parents. She was transfixed when she met a dark brown baby dressed in pink named Nicole. The baby resembled her sister who died when she was a baby. Her name was Nicole too. She was surprised when an adoptive mother from the shelter said, “When are you taking Nicole home?” Nicole had become attached to her, but she hadn’t considered adopting her, Michelle replied. “Sometimes it’s not what you choose, it’s who chooses you,” the mother declared. Just months before her thirty-third birthday, Michelle adopted Nicole.

Miracles happen in God’s timing.

Devotional #3

Standing in the Gap

“And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.”

Matthew 18:5

Valerie was an unhappy child. Her mother, who suffered from manic depression, worked as a night barmaid, leaving her with her stepfather. Her stepfather used the time to sexually abuse her. After telling her mother about the abuse, her mother suggested that she move from their Brooklyn, New York home to her Christian aunt’s home in Atlanta, Georgia. Feeling relieved, Valerie, who was 11 years old, immediately moved in her with aunt and her family. From then on, Valerie called her aunt, “Mom.” Still, going from a home with few rules to a home with many rules was challenging. Punctuality and church attendance were not options. After high school graduation, Valerie left her aunt’s home and explored her freedom. Years later, however, Valerie credits her aunt with teaching her punctuality and inspiring her faith in God and prayer. “She filled in the gap for the entire family.” And when her aunt got sick, Valerie’s mother, a Christian by then, cared for her until her death.

God honors those who stand in the gap for children.

That's my mama!