Becoming a Mother Over 40 & Beyond…Janet Jackson isn’t the Only One…A Mothers Day Testimony…

celeste

Hello World,

Last month when Janet Jackson announced she was postponing her tour to focus on creating a family with her husband Wissam Al Mana, my friends and I via text (our easiest way to communicate in our busy lives) speculated on whether Ms. Jackson If You’re Nasty was indeed with child at 49 years old (now our speculation has been confirmed) and whether being 40 or older is too old to become a mother.

Below are a few of our responses.

“It is weird.”

“It’s a miracle. If that is her dream. My friend just had a baby at 48. Not planned.”

“My grandmother had my mom when she was around 40. My aunt around 44. I had my son at 41. Let her story be a leap for womankind. She has led a fabulous life and is now embarking on a new journey.”

So Janet Jackson isn’t the only one who has defied the odds. That is the testimony of C. Celeste Marshall, a college friend who struggled with infertility for 10 years before finally giving birth to her son Terry Simeon Marshall in August 2013! Celeste recently released her book “Memoirs of a Barren Women.” Below is my interview with her about her journey to motherhood and her new book!

When did you get married, and did you want to be a mother when you first got married? Tell me about your desire to be a mother.

My husband, Todd, and I got married in 2001.  We were immediately ready to start our family.  During this particular time, we had a few nieces that I was very close to and we played the parent role for them at times.  My desire to become a mother intensified as I saw them grow and several months had passed and nothing had happened for us.

How and when did you find out you were “barren” or couldn’t conceive children? How did you husband respond?

After almost a year into our marriage, with no success, my doctor at the time felt that it was time to see a specialist.  A few days following this appointment, I remember getting the call at work.  The news was devastating, and work was not the place to receive it.  I was told that I would not be able to have children.  The doctor suggested that I have several female organs removed and that my best chance would be to try in vitro.  My husband responded in a very supportive way and tried to act like it would be fine if we weren’t parents, but I knew that his desire to be a father was just as strong as my desire to be a mother.

Why did you keep believing you would be a mother one day although you were told you couldn’t have children? Did you ever have any miscarriages? What were you doing for those 10 years?! Did you consider adoption?

In 2006, while recovering from my first surgery (fibroids and endometriosis), God led me to a scripture in II Kings.  It was II Kings 4:16.  It read, “this time next year you will be holding a son.”  I anticipated the day that I would be able to say that I was pregnant because I had never had a positive test before.  I never had any miscarriages because time after time I was always told that I would not be able to even conceive a child.  I had received a prior promise from God in 2004.  So during this time of waiting on God to fulfill His promise, I fasted and prayed about my desire and His promise.  After several years passing and my “this time next year” not happening, I mentioned adopting to my husband but he was not open to it.  I knew that it was my spirit settling and trying to rush God’s hand.

When and why did you decide to fast and pray and what was the result? Tell more about it.

I thank God that at the time of receiving this news, I was already saved and was a member of a church, Free Chapel, where fasting is literally one of the church’s foundations.  My pastor teaches it often and each year our church does an annual fast which has become a global practice for many denominations at the beginning of the year.  I had seen the results of fasting and praying in my own life and also in the lives of others in the church.  It is a powerful tool often overlooked in the Christian world.  I challenge anyone to try it for themselves.  When you abstain from food and replace it with the Word of God, there is an intimacy that comes only from fasting.  There are several types of fasting.

What was your “life-changing decision” after your fast?

My life-changing decision following a specific three-day fast in 2012 was to cancel a surgery, which would have been my 3rd during this 10-year period.  The doctor wanted me to have a full hysterectomy, but by the time the pre-op had rolled around, we had agreed on a partial hysterectomy.  It never felt right in my spirit because I knew my body had to be whole in order for God to fulfill His promise. However, my doctor deemed it necessary, but following that three-day fast, and hearing from God on 12-12-12,  I canceled the surgery completely.

How and when did you discover you were pregnant? Were you scared during your pregnancy after all that happened to you? Why or why  not?

I was back at work from Christmas break, and I knew I was “late” but really thought that it was stress related since I had spent most of the Christmas break caring for my niece who had broken her ankle.  I took an outdated pregnancy test at work of all places.  I had them everywhere because I always anticipated each month…..hoping…..praying…..waiting……When it came back positive I was elated and scared at the same time….when you read the book you will know why 🙂

What was it like to finally give birth to your son? When was he born? How old were you when he was born?

My pregnancy was good, but the delivery was a battle.  And when I say battle, it was a spiritual battle! He was born in August 2013.  I was 40 when I found out I was pregnant, and I delivered him when I was 41. marshall

Do you have any final words of advice for would-be mothers who are having difficulty having children or who are ready to give up? What about fathers who are married to women with these challenges and desperately want to be father too. Any advice for them?

I tell everyone not to put God on a timetable.  We have in our minds by what age we should do this, this and this.  If we are truly in line with Him, and we seek Him daily, then we have to trust Him with the desires of our hearts.  When so much time had passed for me, I started changing my prayer…for God to remove the desire and He never did.  I knew what He had promised me, specifically a son, but satan is real and while God had given a promise, satan took advantage of any weakness and tried to steal my promise from God.  However, each year, as I would fast and pray, God would always confirm His promise to me, but of course I grew weary in waiting, but I stood on His promise and His Word: specifically II Kings 4:16.  And to the husbands of barren wives, never make your wife feel “less than, inadequate, or insufficient.”  Because these are the word satan would whisper to her.  satan often tried to remind me that the one thing a woman was created to do, I could not do…I felt broken at times, but I know that God does not make mistakes.

book

Why did you decide to write “Memoirs of a Barren Woman?”

My book was truly written out of obedience.  I never desired nor imagined that I would write a book.  After I had my son, I started getting invitations to give my testimony and what I realized is that God used my household for the basis of this testimony but He did not intend for it to stay there. I believe that my testimony if for anyone believing God for anything.  We all have a “barren” area in our life, male or female.

Was it difficult to write and publish “Memoirs of a Barren Woman?” And what has been the response?

 The book was not difficult to publish so to speak because God led me to the right resource the first time I inquired.  However, I had no idea about all of the editing.  There was so much back and forth for several months, actually over a year.  I started questioning what I had started because there was just so much delay.  But even in delay, I tell you God is working…putting things together.  The number of people who have reached out to me since reading my memoir to tell me the impact that it has had on their life spiritually has been overwhelming.  Young, old, male, female, single women, even women with children have commented on how my book has impacted their life in some form.  I look forward to sharing it on any platform God gives me.

Below is a video of Celeste giving her testimony at her church Free Chapel

To find out more about C. Celeste Marshall or contact her, go her website memoirsofabarrenwoman.com or her Facebook page. Click on this link to buy her book.

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers, but particularly to mothers who are 40 years old and over!

Any thoughts?

 

 

When Mothers Day Is Not Necessarily Happy…7 Women Share Their Experiences…

Hello World, tears

Happy Mother’s Day to my wonderful mother Mrs. Alice May Holness, whom I have written about in “Alice May, It’s Your Day (Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers).” The older I get, the more I appreciate all that makes her uniquely her. Her no-nonsense Jamaican sensibilities tempered with her fierce love for her family and church family. Her interest in modern pop culture (she knows who Nicki Minaj is by watching “American Idol”) and commitment to seemingly old school values like cooking almost daily for family AND friends. Her commitment to femininity (one of her beliefs is that every woman must have a scent) and devotion to working out hard in the gym (her trainer has praised for her strength although she is one of the older ones in her group).

I am always happy to celebrate my mother on Mother’s Day!…And yet for many others, Mother’s Day is not necessarily happy…Because I want to honor all experiences on Mother’s Day, I’m devoting today’s blog post to those who may be divided about celebrating today or who would skip this day altogether if they could…Below are seven stories about these types of experiences…

1. “An Open Letter to Pastors (A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother’s Day)” by Amy Young

Excerpt – A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again. – See more at: timewarp.com.

2. “My Baby Was Never Born. But I Was a Mom, Too” by Blane Bachelor

Excerpt – I’ve never been a huge fan of Michelle Duggar, but when she made headlines last year by holding a memorial service for her stillborn daughter, complete with images of the baby, I felt a certain solidarity with her. I’m sure her motivation wasn’t to shock people or stir up controversy; instead, she was simply validating the existence of her daughter to the world. Isn’t that the least we owe our lost children? See more at: washingtonpost.com.

3. “How It Feels To Not Have A Mom On Mother’s Day” by Madison Tate

Excerpt -Before she passed, I hadn’t considered myself to be a heavily religious person. I was always driven by curiosity, and facts and science answered my questions. However, as soon as I lost her, I knew I had to have faith. See more at elitedaily.com.

4. “#ThisIsWhatBlackMotherhoodLooksLike: Why I Gave My Child Up for Adoption” by Aprille Franks-Hunt

Excerpt – The dark cloud of acceptance in the instances of unwarranted shame that comes with being called a, “birth mom.” Which by the way, something about that term, “birth mother/mom,” seems so dismissive to me. As if, we’re no longer mothers because we chose to allow another woman to become one. See more at ebony.com.

5. “Muslim daughter and Christian mother celebrate unity on Mother’s Day” by Colleen O’Connor

Excerpt – When Alana Raybon converted to Islam, her mother, Patricia, — a devout Christian — was devastated, feeling that she had failed her faith and family. She also felt very angry at her daughter for fragmenting their family. See more at: denverpost.com.

6. “Recovering From a Nightmare, One Mother’s Day at a Time” by Rick Hampson

Excerpt – On the first Mother’s Day after her husband killed their two young children and then himself, several questions faced Zoey Mendoza: How do you survive a mother’s worst nightmare? How do you be a mother to kids you can no longer hug or kiss? How do you endure a holiday that honors something so precious that was torn from you so suddenly? See more at usatoday.com.

7. “Black Women and Mother Loss: 5 Steps for Getting through Mother’s Day” by Liz Alexander

Excerpt – There isn’t adequate language to describe the pain of mother loss and the permanent void it leaves. In fact, Hope Edelman, author of Motherless Daughters, reminds us that the pain and the void experienced differs depending on several different factors: the type of relationship the daughter and mother had while the mother was living; the age of the daughter when the loss occurred; and the actual cause of the loss (such as physical illness, suicide, abandonment, mental illness, etc.) Nonetheless, mother-loss has profound effects on a daughter’s identity, self-esteem, faith, and the overall quality of her life. See more at forharriet.com.

 Any thoughts?

Friday Night Love – NEW BOOK ALERT!!!

Hello World, fridaynightlove

Just so you know I didn’t post on Mother’s Day because I was out of town for most of this weekend, but I LOVE my mother and check out “Alice May, It’s Your Day (Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers)” which is one of my favorite posts about my mother…

In addition to loving my mother, I also LOVE books, and my writer friend Tia McCollors has written a new book about my favorite topic: marriage…Only in this case, it’s a troubled marriage…Presenting Friday Night Love (Days Of Grace)

CAN LOVE HEAL WHAT INFIDELITY TRIED TO DESTROY?

Zenja Maxwell was widowed in her twenties; she never thought she’d be a divorcée, too. Yet that’s the destiny she resigns herself to after learning of her husband’s dalliance with infidelity and kicking him out of the house. She plans a cruise with her best friend, Caprice, to take her mind off Roman and celebrate moving on with her life.

But Caprice won’t let her give up that easily, especially when Roman seems committed to reconciling. She and her husband invite Zenja and Roman to Friday Night Love, a weekly event for couples. Zenja hesitates, but the promise of food and fellowship prevails. She figures she can put up with Roman for one night.

At the events, the women are issued a series of Bible-based challenges designed to help them cultivate respect for their husband. Zenja struggles at first; she isn’t even sure she wants to rekindle the relationship. But Roman is persistent in his pursuit of her, even when he finds out that she nearly cheated on him. Through tragedies, triumphs, and trusted friends, the couple learns never to underestimate the Author of marriage when husbands and wives surrender to Him.

tia About the Author

Tia McCollors used to dream of being a television news anchor, but her destiny led her behind the pages instead of in front of the cameras. After earning a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications from UNC-Chapel Hill, she went on to build a successful career in the public relations industry. In 1999, a job layoff prompted Tia to discover and pursue a writing career as an author. Following the birth of her son in 2006, she left the corporate arena to focus on her family and her expanding writing and speaking business.

Tia’s first novel, “A Heart of Devotion,” was an Essence Magazine bestseller. She followed her popular debut with four other inspirational novels including “Zora’s Cry,” “The Truth About Love,” “The Last Woman Standing” and “Steppin’ Into The Good Life.” In 2012, she released “If These Shoes Could Talk,” her first devotion book of The Prissy Purse Devotions series. “Friday Night Love” is Tia’s sixth novel.

Visit the author online at:  TiaMcCollors.com.

Any thoughts?