Michelle Got a Big Ole Butt…Now, That’s Change I Can Believe In!

 

Hello World,

About a week ago, some friends and I met at a forum my friend hosted to discuss various issues in the black community. Of course, one of those topics was the election of the first black president and the changes that are likely to take place in our community as a result. Many of the women, including me, spoke with pride of finally seeing a sho nuff Black woman celebrated at a worldwide level. For once, it seems that the ethnocentric standard of beauty rather than the Eurocentric standard of beauty won out…And no disrespect to my high yella sisters, but it seems to me that when many black men “make it” they choose to go for either the white girl or the closest they can get to it…But Barack, who is the next leader of the free world, chose a brown-skinned, black woman who goes weaveless. No disrespect to those who accessorize with weaves, but that’s cause for a celebration. Had this election occurred when I was a little girl, I’m sure it would have gone a long way to affirm the beauty that I sometimes questioned when I looked in the mirror…more about that later.

So when a friend of mine e-mailed this article to me a few days ago, I was delighted. I was also suprised that I had neither written nor said anything about one of Michelle’s most salient features.  In the article,  First Lady Got Back by Erin Aubry Kaplan, she describes her joy of seeing a woman with one of our culture’s most celebrated features in the White House.

“Free at last. I never thought that I — a black girl who came of age in the utterly anticlimactic aftermath of the civil rights movement — would say the phrase with any real sincerity in my lifetime. But ever since Nov. 4, I’ve been shouting it from every rooftop. I’m not excited for the most obvious reason. Yes, Obama’s win was an extraordinary breakthrough and a huge relief, but I don’t subscribe to the notion that his capturing the White House represents the end of American racial history. Far from it. There is a certain freedom in the moment — as in, we are all now free from wondering when or if we’ll ever get a black president. Congratulations to all of us for being around to settle the question.

But what really thrills me, what really feels liberating in a very personal way, is the official new prominence of Michelle Obama. Barack’s better half not only has stature but is statuesque. She has coruscating intelligence, beauty, style and — drumroll, please — a butt. (Yes, you read that right: I’m going to talk about the first lady’s butt.)”

Yes, that’s right Michelle, you can call her Mrs. Obama if you’re nasty, got a butt, and I, for one, say it’s about time that booties be celebrated at a worldwide level. Brothers, can I get an “Amen” this Sunday? One of the points that Kaplan makes in the article is how black women sometimes feel like we have to hide our booties to blend in at the workplace.

“Thanks to Michelle, looking professional and provocative in a distinctly black way will become not only acceptable but also part of a whole presidential look that’s more, well, inclusive. Now we’ll all be able to wear leggings to board meetings; we’ll sport pencil skirts sans the long jackets meant to cover the offending rear at big conferences where we have to make a good impression.”

As I said in my last post, I grew up in white schools. However, when I went home I was surrounded by black people in my neighborhood. This dichotomy created confusion when it came to my beauty and culture.  I remember in third grade as a part of a history lesson, my classmates and I had to dress up as American historical figures. A newspaper photographer took pictures of some of us and told us that we were going to be in the paper. I was crushed when I saw a picture of me and a classmate. In the caption of the picture, it was said that I was a “slave woman,” and the other girl in the picture was Betsy Ross. Umm, excuse me, Mr. Newspaper Photographer Man, I was Harriet Tubman!!! (If you couldn’t get that simple fact right, then you shouldn’t have been in the business!)  Incidents like this chipped away at my self esteem.

Around that same time, the little boys in my neighborhood began telling me I had a big butt. I did notice that my little girl dresses bunched up in the back but I wasn’t too self conscious about it until they started to notice. I also noticed that the little girl dresses on the white girls at my school moved easily over their backsides as they skipped along. (I won’t even get into my fascination with their swinging ponytails.) I figured if I noticed, they noticed too. So what was my antidote? Every day for a long time I started standing with my back against the wall and tried to tuck my butt in. I figured the wall would help me stand so that my butt went in rather than protruded.

It didn’t work. In the seventh grade, this guy, Francisco Ruiz, said to me, “Why is your butt so big?” (Yes, I still remember his name.)  I was flabbergasted and unsure how to respond. I,  after what seemed like ten minutes of stunned silence, finally uttered, “I don’t know.” After that I had had enough, and I was determined to go to a black high school. I lobbied for my cause for about a year.  As I said in my last post, my parents did finally relent and let me go to a black high school and from the moment, I walked into its doors, I no longer felt like I had to apologize for my big booty.  By the time I graduated from high school, I had totally stopped trying to camouflage my booty altogether. In fact, my shorts and jeans were probably too tight for my mama’s taste.

And now that I’m in my ’30s, there are even books to back up what I now know to be true. Having a big booty is like having “an open door that no one can shut.” (Shout out to my Bible Study class! Tell me if you can find where this excerpt of scripture is found in Revelation. Forgive me if I’m being sacrilegious.) Has anyone ever read  “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right?” It is basically a book about playing hard to get as a strategy to get a man. The first rule in this book is, “Be a ‘Creature Unlike Any Other.” The feminist answer’s to this book is “The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You.” The first rule in this book is, “Treat Men the Way You Want Them to Treat You.” Both books have good points. But the third book,  “The Sistahs’ Rules (Not to be Confused with The Rules): Secrets for Meeting, Getting and Keeping a Good Black Man,” I can really get down with.  Rule #1 in this book is, “Celebrate the Power of the Booty.” Now, I know that brothers like to quote this line from Poison -“Never Trust a Big Butt and a Smile.” But they just frontin’. They know there is power in the booty!

Having a big booty can take you places in life – just ask Michelle O.

P.S. I wish I could go back in time a la “Back to the Future” and tell that my 8-year-old self! And since Kaplan referred to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s hit, “Baby Got Back,” in her commentary, I feel compelled to include his video here.

Any Thoughts?

 

 

Making Friends With White People

tess7Hello World,

Brrrrrr! It’s getting cold out there. And for an island girl via Kansas via the A, that just ain’t cool…Plus in my townhouse, it can feel like hell upstairs while downstairs feels like me and Sarah Palin should be rubbing noses in Alaska. (At some point, I will stop using Sarah Palin as the butt of my jokes. It’s not the Christian thing to do. 🙂 )

Anywho, the cold weather and Sarah Palin are not the focus of this post. Since my last post about some Christians and their lack of support of President-Elect Barack Obama caused a vigorous discussion about the whole black-white issue in this country, I decided to further explore that topic personally and otherwise. Also, NBC is developing a new comedy,  “Making Friends With Black People,” “a buddy comedy that will focus on the state of race relations in the U.S.” Apparently Obama’s election is even inspiring change in TV programming! (I could have written the treatment for this show by the way. Hollywood, what’s up?)

So let me dive in…I grew up in white schools. I went to a white elementary school and a white middle school. (I went to a black elementary school in fourth grade, but I got into so much trouble, my parents sent me right back to the white school.) When it was time to go to high school, I cajoled my parents into allowing me to attend the neighborhood black high school. I went there for all four years, but when I graduated, I went to to the University of Georgia where I was awash in white people. So you would think that after spending all of that time with white people, I would have made some really close friends with somebody white…Uhh no. I was the “Black Daisy” when we played “The Dukes of Hazzard” in first grade.  I explained to them why my mama wouldn’t let me wear my hair down in the third grade. In the sixth grade, I explained why I couldn’t rap although I was black. But when I left those school buildings each day, I didn’t talk to them again until the next day. Even in college, when I lived among white people in the dorm, I managed to have a social life that didn’t include any white people. Really sad, huh?

In fact, it wasn’t until I joined a spiritual community (No, I am not a Moonie) a few years back that I began to explore friendships with white people. And after building some close friendships with white people in that group, I decided that maybe white people in the general population couldn’t be that bad. It wasn’t much longer after I had that thought that I met my girl, Tess.

It was kismet how we met! In September 2006, I went to this Christian convention at this local United Methodist church.  Anne Lamott , one of my favorite authors, was the featured speaker! (Since elementary school, I was always obsessed with white pop culture, white books – even white music but that never translated into my friendships. 🙁 ) My plan was to slip Anne Lamott an excerpt of my book. She, in turn, would be so enthralled with my writing prowess that she would immediately invite me out to her home in California where I would meet her agent, ectera, ectera. But alas, she apparently did not read the script in my mind…

So after Lamott signed my book and complimented my dreads and I slipped the contraband to her, I decided to walk out of the church. It was lunch time but I didn’t feel like eating alone. I decided that I would ask the next person that walked by to have lunch with me. I swear to you it was Tess. As we ate lunch, she revealed that she, too, had slipped an excerpt of her book to Lamott. And we weren’t even at a writers’ conference! What sly devils we were! And from then we’ve been like “peas and carrots.”

Since then, I have stayed at her house in Charlotte. (She has moved away now though.) While there, I convinced her to get a ghetto pedicure with me. Yep, that’s right, she got the designs on the big toes. I don’t care what y’all say! She has visited me at my townhouse in the A. And we have discussed for hours on end, boys, boys and more boys! (Why are they so hard to understand?) It’s a passion we share – aside from our love of books, music, pop culture and God! Plus, she is as gung ho about Barack Obama as I am. What’s not to love? (She even designed this blog!!!)

So now that Barack Obama is president -elect, let’s enact a little change of our own. Make friends with white people. You’ll be glad that you did! (Okay, my Dad thinks that I should start dating white guys to expand my dating pool, but I’m still holding out for just one just good brother… 🙂  )

By the way, in this post, I have included one of my favorite white songs, “If You Leave,” from one of my favorite white movies,  “Pretty in Pink!” (I think I wanted to be Molly Ringwald at one point!) Tess kinda looks like Molly Ringwald back in the day, huh?

Any thoughts?

The Obama Nation v. The Hater Nation

Hello World!!!

The hate is thick! Since our first black president-elect was chosen on Nov. 4, hate , like the lava from a volcano, has been oozing out and I hope things don’t erupt…But on the other hand, I, like many other Americans I’m sure, didn’t expect the first black president to skate into the White House unfettered by the restraints of racism.

However, I am bothered by the response of some Christians’ response to Obama’s win because whether they want to admit it or not, they too, are racist. (Yeah, I said it. Shout out Michael Baisden, ha,ha)  Here’s the thing. I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. I believe He arose from the dead. I believe that He is coming back again. Case closed. But I sincerely believe that these Christians, these Christians who have hijacked the Republican Party, sincerely believe that if you are not on their side, then you are on the side of the devil.

A friend of mine, Ms. D, sent an e-mail to me about this big time Christian’s response to Obama’s historic win. Apparently, this guy Dutch Sheets, who I had never heard of before last week, is a minister and prayer warrior known throughout the world. His printed response is Exhibit A in my argument that some Christians are just racist when it comes to their lack of support of Obama. (Actually for the purpose of brevity, I don’t have an Exhibit B, but whatever- it’s my blog. 🙂 )

Read his  written response here. Here are just a few snippets of some of the things Sheets said. First of all, he said that Obama’s win was not God’s will. He said that “as a nation we put on the blinders concerning Barak Obama’s background, associations, beliefs, and practices and set these causes (he was referring to abortion and other issues) back years, possibly decades. And in doing so we took another step away from God and His plans for America and another step toward judgment.”

First of all, I promise you that this guy spells “Barack” as “Barak” throughout the whole article. What is up with that? You don’t even respect him enough as the president-elect and as a human being to spell his name right. This seemingly small mistake points to a latent disrespect of the man. And it’s funny about this whole association thing that the Republicans tried to make an issue of prior to the election. For months, Obama was criticized for his association with his former pastor, Jeremiah Wright. I don’t say that I agree with all of Wright’s beliefs, but at least everyone could point to the fact that Obama had a Christian pastor. What pastor was McCain associated with? Since we are talking about beliefs, associations and practices? What does McCain believe? Who was he associated with? What were his practices? I won’t dredge up all of the issues of this past election season, but as someone said to me last night, when you would rather elect a known adulterer who shies away from any discussions of faith, than someone who you can identify as a Christian who has been the faithful husband of one wife and call that “God’s will,” then I have got to believe that another issue is really the real issue.

Then Sheets goes on to detail some of the judgments that Americans will face as a result of Obama’s presidency, “more economic woes” was at the top of the list.  Well, Mr. Sheets, if “economic woes” is a sign of God’s judgment, then God used President George Bush to usher in that judgment, and we all know that he is a true Christian as he is a member of the Republication party. (The sarcasm is dripping from my lips…) Actually, it is my belief that if Bush hadn’t been such an atrocious president, then Obama wouldn’t have had a chance to get elected. I wonder if that was God’s will too…

He then goes on to address any false predictions he may have made regarding the election and the resulting backlash. “Like many, believing I had many promises and confirmations that God would ‘grace’ us with a pro-life president in this election, I failed to consider strongly enough that all promises-even scripture are conditional 99.9 percent of the time…If this caused any harm or confusion, I apologize.” He said he was “somewhat angry at the nation in general and much of the Church.” You know what I say to that, stop writing checks with your mouth that your actions can’t cash…

And here’s the kicker. He compared Sarah Palin to women in the Bible. “I believe she is an Esther, a Deborah, with a huge mantle from God for reformation. God has great destiny for her related to this nation if she chooses to continue down this path.”  (Sheets haven’t you learned? Stop writing checks!) Goodness, I must have no spiritual discernment to miss that Sarah Palin is a Biblical woman reincarnated. If that is the case, then Bush is Abraham or maybe even Paul…Mr. Dutch Sheets, you may be “passing the dutchie” because you are sadly mistaken! And you know what else, I just think you are a part of the Hater Nation rather than the Obama nation. And since Obama will be the next president of the United States of America, it is with a special joy that I say this. “America. Love it or Leave it.”

I could say more, but I won’t because I want to hear from you…

Any thoughts?