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    jackieholness

    Posted on

    If I Were Not A Writer, I Would Be…

    Hello World!!!

    I just love this pic...sweet and sexy...

    I just love this pic...sweet and sexy...

    I’ve missed you…I intended to write another post last week, but life got in the way…But that’s okay…If you are artist, as I fancy myself to be, you know that your life is your inspiration and when it gets boring, your art becomes boring…Anywho, suffice it to say, I had an interesting week last week that I’m sure will be written about in form or another on this blog…

    Case in point: As a friend and I were preparing to run four miles last week (we are training for the Peachtree Road Race here in the A), we discussed what what our careers would be if we had not chosen our current careers….I have wanted to be a writer since I was six years old and never gave serious thought to any other profession, but I told my friend that I would be a television show producer…

    But as I was thinking about blogging yesterday, I realized that my initial answer wasn’t really the best answer…I think I would be a psychologist or psychiatrist…My father, who has a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in clinical psychology, has often said that he wanted to be a psychologist before he was called to be a minister. So I must have inherited this interest from him. At any rate, my father has also said that most people who become psychologists do so to understand themselves…That makes sense to me…I love learning what makes me tick…

    For roughly the past five years, I have focused on learning about romantic relationships and why my romantic relationships have not last very long historically…As I approached my ’30s, I realized, like many other women around that age, that I would like to get married at some point, but I also realized that with my track record it probably wasn’t going to happen…I mean if you can only date someone three or four or maybe even six months if you try VERY HARD, then it may be unlikely to that you will get married…

    So at first, I conducted informal surveys on my friends and family…Since my mother has been married since I’ve known her (ha,ha – a jokey joke), I asked her why she thought my relationships never lasted very long. She said she thought that I was a commitment phobe…At first, I said to myself she doesn’t know what she is talking about, but after doing an inventory of the loves of my life to that point, I started thinking that maybe she had a point. I had a penchant for liking guys that were “hard to get.” In other words, the more you didn’t want me, the  more I wanted you…Why would you chase guys that didn’t want to be caught unless you did not want to be caught either…Deep huh? And the guys who wanted to chase me I thought were insanely boring and weak minded. Even deeper…So that was my starting point…

    A beautiful blended family...

    A beautiful blended family...

    Since then, I have talked to more people formally and informally to get a grip on why romantic relationships have been so elusive for me. I have also read numerous books. Just to make you laugh, I will post some of the titles here:

    The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger – Interesting quote from the book – “Men are only interested in two things: If I’m not horny, make me a sandwich.”

    Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John T. Molloy – Interesting quote from the book- “The primary diffence between women who marry and those who do not is this: Women who marry insist on marriage. They settle for nothing else.”

    The Sistahs’ Rules by Denene Miller – Interesting quote from the book – “The way to a man’s heart is through a great plate of greens. Old- fashioned yes. But trust me – as sure as the sky is blue and Brian McKnight is fine, black men are more apt to fall in love with a woman who can cook them up a nice meal.”

    Keeping The Love You Find by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. – Interesting quote from the book – “You will be able to break the repetitive pattern of past relationships; you will change the kind of person to whom you are attracted (and who eventually frustrates you); and you will be in a better position to attract someone who is willing and able to work to achieve a deep and lasting love.”

    Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons by Dr. Neil Clark Warren (The E-Harmony Guy) – Interesting quote from the book – “Perhaps in no other area is it more crucial to be well matched than in the area of spirituality.”

    Reading each of these books and others have given me insight into myself and others, and I feel blessed that these authors chose to write these books. (Excuse me while I whine for a bit…will my book EVER be published?…okay so back to the topic) And I have also read several interesting articles…And let me just say this…part of the reason why I have devoted so much  time to this topic is because I do want to have a long-lasting relationship one day but the other reason is that I just love learning about different topics. When I was in the fifth grade or thereabout, I was obsessed with learning about ghosts and read countless books about ghosts…At another time in my life, I was obsessed with reading biographies…At another point, I read books about slavery….So relationships are my current obsession I guess…

    So back to what I was about to say about articles on relationships. Through reading one particular article, I have discovered that since I am a pretty anxious person by nature, and I have a tendency to sabotage relationships as a result because I’m always expecting the “other shoe to drop” so to speak…I read the original article back in 2007, but I found it yesterday on another person’s blog.

    Anyway, at the end of the article is a link to a test that simulates a romance through presenting various scenarios in a relationship that happen over a period of time. By taking the test, Choose Your Own Adventure, which lasts about 15 minutes, you can determine the way you relate to others in a romantic relationship. I rated 6.61 on a scale of 1 to 7, with 1 being low anxiety and 7 being high anxiety. (Yes, DKW, I am very anxious!)

    Im sure she is not one to be played with...

    I'm sure she is not one to be played with...

    So my mama is right!  Historically, I have been a commitment phobe…If you chase after someone who you really cannot be caught, maybe its because you know he or she can never get close enough to the real you to hurt you…

    DEEP…

    Any thoughts?

    P.S. This is totally off topic…Okay, has anyone seen the video for “Blame It” by Jamie Foxx…Opie aka Richie Cunningham aka Hollywood power broker Ron Howard is in the video and so is the recently deceased Izzy Stephens from Grey’s Anatomy…Hilarious!

    P.P.S.  Has anyone seen the “President Obama” spoof of the video for “Blame It?” Even more hilarious!

    Posted on

    I’ll Always Love My Mama: Mother’s Day Reflections

    Look at my hot mom - stylin' & profilin'!

    Look at my hot mom - stylin' & profilin'!

    Hello World!!!

    I hope that you are celebrating your mother today as this is Mother’s Day! I know that today is a bittersweet day for my mother and father as both of their mothers are now absent from this world and present with the Lord, but I’m sure that today, if only in their thoughts, they will be with their mothers. I’m a Daddy’s girl, but the heart of my family is my mother…Last year, I wrote some devotionals about mothers and their relationships with their daughters and submitted them to a devotional book. However, my entries were not accepted for publication. 🙁  Still, in honor of mothers everywhere, I have decided to post them here. The first one is about my relationship with my mother. Also, I have posted some pics of my mom over the years.

    Devotional #1

    A Mother’s Mercy

     “I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.

    Yet I still dare to hope, when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.”

     Lamentations 3:20-22

     “A prom for eighth graders,” my father sputtered. “That is inappropriate. No. You cannot go!”

    A preacher’s daughter, I realized I had more rules than my girlfriends, but I had hoped in this case my father would let me join in with the crowd. True to form, however, he said no to my request and wouldn’t budge. On the Friday before the prom that weekend, I was a broken spigot of quiet tears and didn’t know how I was going to bear hearing about the prom from my girlfriends on Monday.

    My mother, also a preacher’s daughter, surprised me when she said, “I have made an appointment for you to get your hair done and cut tomorrow morning.”

    She agreed with my father, but she heard and understood my pain.

    At school on Monday, I didn’t get to regale my girlfriends with stories about the prom, but they did “ooh and aah” about my sharp, new haircut!

     A mother’s mercy, like God’s mercy, can go a long way in times of distress. 

    Devotional #2

    Mom had da bomb Jheri curl back in the day...(Mom, me and my brother)

    Mom had da bomb Jheri curl back in the day...(Mom, me and my brother)

     Our Impossibilities are God’s Specialties 

    “Then the Lord said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, Can an old woman like me have a baby? Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.’”

     Genesis 18:13-14

     Just months before her thirty-second birthday and no husband on the horizon, Michelle reasoned she wouldn’t be like her mother who had her at 32 years old or her sisters who had their first children at 32 years old. After reading a newspaper article about a shelter, she decided to give to children by helping the shelter’s pregnant teenagers get their GED. Although the program was quickly phased out, Michelle volunteered with the shelter’s “Rock the Baby” program for babies born to drug addicted parents. She was transfixed when she met a dark brown baby dressed in pink named Nicole. The baby resembled her sister who died when she was a baby. Her name was Nicole too. She was surprised when an adoptive mother from the shelter said, “When are you taking Nicole home?” Nicole had become attached to her, but she hadn’t considered adopting her, Michelle replied. “Sometimes it’s not what you choose, it’s who chooses you,” the mother declared. Just months before her thirty-third birthday, Michelle adopted Nicole.

     Miracles happen in God’s timing.

    Devotional #3

    Standing in the Gap

     “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.”

     Matthew 18:5

     Valerie was an unhappy child. Her mother, who suffered from manic depression, worked as a night barmaid, leaving her with her stepfather. Her stepfather used the time to sexually abuse her. After telling her mother about the abuse, her mother suggested that she move from their Brooklyn, New York home to her Christian aunt’s home in Atlanta, Georgia. Feeling relieved, Valerie, who was 11 years old, immediately moved in her with aunt and her family. From then on, Valerie called her aunt, “Mom.” Still, going from a home with few rules to a home with many rules was challenging. Punctuality and church attendance were not options. After high school graduation, Valerie left her aunt’s home and explored her freedom. Years later, however, Valerie credits her aunt with teaching her punctuality and inspiring her faith in God and prayer. “She filled in the gap for the entire family.” And when her aunt got sick, Valerie’s mother, a Christian by then, cared for her until her death.

     God honors those who stand in the gap for children.

     

    That's my mama!

    That's my mama!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Any thoughts about your mama?

    Posted on

    Who Are You Behind Your “Church Persona?”

    Hello World!!!

    A friend of mine sent me a link to this wonderful Web site, iamsecond.com, and it got  me thinking about these masks that are easy to wear at church…

    At my church, it seems that I am eternally “the pastor’s kid,” although I am 35 years old. My church family have known me since I was six years old, but they don’t know all of me for sure…There are certain parts that I have kept hidden away because they don’t fit the image of “the pastor’s kid.” I’m not blaming them because maybe this is a self-imposed burden…no one ever asked me to keep certain parts of myself hidden, but nevertheless that is what I have done…

    That is why I think this Web site is really cool because people are sharing their real stories and turning to Christ as their first line of defense against their struggles. Through the Web site, people share their stories of abuse, porn addiction, eating disorders, infidelity, divorce — and how they have been able to cope with these struggles through having a personal relationship with God. They have put Christ first, and their identities including their struggles are now second…

    I have learned through various means how to be my authentic self, and it perplexes me how sometimes “church folk” try to make it seem that everything is always alright…That’s why it’s annoying when sometimes you ask “church folk” how they are doing and their standard answer, no matter what, is, “I’m blessed and highly favored.” Stop lying. You just ate a box of doughnuts, and you feel like you can’t stop eating no matter how hard you try…Or, you just spent the whole night looking at porn on the Internet…Or your marriage is a lonely facade although everyone thinks y’all are happy…Or your body is bruised courtesy of your husband’s uncontrollable anger…Yes, we are all “blessed and highly favored” for sure, but hiding behind that standard answer gets no one closer to the solution…

    That’s why I was especially touched when gospel singer Kirk Franklin talked about his porn addiction with Oprah a few years ago…He certainly did not have to reveal his struggle…he hadn’t been caught in anything which is why many people reveal their struggles…Maybe being willing to confront struggles is one of the reasons why Kirk Franklin has teamed up with the American Heart Association and the American Stroke Association for the “Fight of Our Life Health Tour.” I heard Franklin talking about this partnership with Rev. Al on the radio last week. Rev. Al, who has lost a considerable amount of weight, commented that this partnership is particularly important in the black church where life can be preached upstairs and greasy, fried chicken and other artery-clogging foods are served downstairs. But that is probably true for many Southern churches, black or white….And let me not front, I love fried chicken, but I also know that we can be slaves to detrimental eating habits…I know that God doesn’t want us to struggle with that…

    So who are you behind your “church persona?”

    Any thoughts?

    P.S. If you would rather not share your thoughts here, but need to talk to somebody, please go to the I Am Second Web site where someone is available 24/7.