Happily Ever After…

Hello World,

I find it somewhat ironic that after my post about does Mr. Right (or White…lol..) exist last Wednesday, I am now writing a post about wedded bliss…Anywho, I am dedicating today’s post to my folks who married 40 years ago today. I don’t think my mom would mind me sharing with y’all some of her thoughts leading up to her meeting and marrying my Dad so I will share them with you…

First of all, my mother got married when she was 30 years  old which was pretty old at that time period, and she was worried for a while that she would never meet The One.  She also said she was resentful at times when friends got married particularly since she was a Christian and trying her best to live an upright life, but then it finally happened…And 40 years later, they are still together…Obviously, I feel so blessed that God blessed my mother with the right man because obviously yours truly wouldn’t be here today…And the older I get and the more people I meet, I don’t take it for granted that I have two parents that love and loved me and my brothers in word and in deed and provided a safe and happy childhood for us!

My mother and father are not the only ones celebrating their nuptials this weekend…My favorite Christian celebrity Sherri Shepherd, 44, and Lamar Sally got married in the Fairmont Hotel in Chicago, her hometown, according to PEOPLE magazine! Congratulations to them!!! Writing about irony, I cannot believe that I met Sherri at the ABC News’  “Nightline” debate “Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?” in April 2010. She was reppin’ for the single ladies, and now, just over a year later, she is now married!  Her tweets (her thoughts) leading up to her ceremony have been hilarious…

What happens when you are in your wedding dress and you have to tinkle? Uh-oh!

Sitting in the room in my gown waiting for Sal& groomsmen to take their pics… can’t let him see me b4 the wedding… but I’m bored as heck

Going to bed now… Sal is in his suite. My last day as a single woman. Thank you Jesus for being in the midst of all this. Gotta get sleep

I wonder what my mom would have tweeted leading up to her wedding if that modern technology existed back then…Only God knows…I’m just thankful they did marry, and I pray that Sherri & Sal are married happily ever after…Their wedding will be featured on a special on the Style network on Sept. 13.

Sherri tweeted this photo a few days ago...Apparently, this is not her wedding dress, but she did use this dress to take wedding shots with her hubby!

(Insert shameless plug here: Sherri Shepherd is one of 24 compelling women I interviewed in my book “After the Altar Call: The Sisters’ Guide to Developing a Personal Relationship With God,” which will be available in stores and online everywhere Feb. 2012!)

Any thoughts?

P.S. I gotta dedicate “Be Without You” by Mary J.  Blige to my parents and Lamar Sally & Sherri Shepherd Sally!

 

 

 

 

Is Mr. Right White, Green, Red, Yellow & Other Colors of the Rainbow…?

“It’s not that easy being green,
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold,
Or something much more colorful like that.”

Kermit the Frog in “It’s  Not Easy Being Green”

Hello World,

I remember hearing that song in my childhood, and it really touched me because I felt so very different as the lone black girl in my class for some time at Pathway Christian Elementary School. Fast forward 30 or so years later, and I’m still different and tragic as I’m a single black woman (yes, I have a manfriend, but I’m not married). Apparently, we are the most unmarried women on earth, and everyone wants to study us, dissect us and write endless stories about us…And so we are the focus of another article in the Wall Street Journal written by Ralph Richard Banks, the Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School, in which he suggests that more of us would get married if we broadened our horizons by dating men of other races – namely white men…

Don’t get me wrong…I’m a journalist, and I understand having to write about the topic of the day…It just makes me feel a bit defensive when we have been the topic for the last two years…and I’m not entirely sure that women of other races are not having difficultly in this area as well…So back to the article of the day…Below are a few points from the article that I found interesting…

Nearly 70% of black women are unmarried, and the racial gap in marriage spans the socioeconomic spectrum, from the urban poor to well-off suburban professionals. Three in 10 college-educated black women haven’t married by age 40; their white peers are less than half as likely to have remained unwed.

Black women confront the worst relationship market of any group because of economic and cultural forces that are not of their own making; and they have needlessly worsened their situation by limiting themselves to black men. I also arrived at a startling conclusion: Black women can best promote black marriage by opening themselves to relationships with men of other races.

A desirable black man who ends a relationship with one woman will find many others waiting; that’s not so for black women.If many black women remain unmarried because they think they have too few options, some black men stay single because they think they have so many. The same numbers imbalance that makes life difficult for black women may be a source of power for black men. Why cash in, they reason, when it is so easy to continue to play?

The prevalence of relationships between professional black women and blue-collar black men may help to explain another aspect of the racial gap in marriage: Even as divorce rates have declined for most groups during the past few decades, more than half of black marriages dissolve.

What would happen if more black women opened themselves to the possibility of marrying non-black men? To start, they might find themselves in better relationships. Some professional black women would no doubt discover that they are more compatible with a white, Asian or Latino coworker or college classmate than with the black guy they grew up with, who now works at the auto shop.

Any thoughts?

And in case you have never heard Kermit’s song, check it out here…

Nothing New Under The Sun aka The “Weiner” Roast…

Hello World,

Happy Hump Day! So let me get into the subject of today’s post…A United States congressman from Georgia comes home to visit his constituents during World War II. In an effort to encourage those who have loved ones who have gone to war, he visits the home of several of them to thank them personally for their sacrifices. He visits several lonely wives whose husbands have gone to war. One of those wives is particularly beautiful. And although he tried to forget her once he returns to Washington, he cannot. He visits her again when he returns to Georgia, and their affair begins. She gets pregnant.

To protect himself and her, he uses his power to have the husband return to his wife from the war for a two-week period. He instructs the wife to sleep with her husband so that he will think the child is his months later. The congressman’s plan, however, is foiled when the husband refuses to come home due to his dedication to his fellow servicemen who are not given the same respite. Not wanting to call too much public attention to himself, he lets it go and decides to have the soldier killed instead.

Months after the soldier’s death, the congressman marries the beautiful widow, and they prepare to live “happily ever after.” He is convinced that no one knows about his wrongdoing and tries to move on his with career and life. He realizes, however, when their child is stricken with polio and eventually dies that God knows about his sin. He accepts the death of their child as divine retribution for his wrongdoing. He repents of his sin and goes on to do many wonderful things for his constituents.

Although the congressman remained in office and married to his wife, his personal life was often challenging. In interviews later in his life after his sin was eventually revealed to the public, he traces the difficulties in his personal life to the decision he made to sleep with another man’s wife many years earlier…

Is this a true story? Yes & No…No, there was no such Georgia congressman. But this is essentially the story of King David & Bathsheba in the Bible. You can read the story for yourself in 2 Samuel 11

So what does this have to do with U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner? Well, a lot, actually. In the story of King David & Bathsheba, God made sure that King David was punished for his actions, but he was not removed from the throne for them. I’m starting to wonder should men be removed from their public offices for dalliances in their personal lives. I mean, every week practically, we are hearing about the indiscretions of men in public office. At this rate, we stand to lose much of our brain trust. And the Lord knows, we cannot afford to lose the best minds we have in this economy!

CNN contributor Anne-Marie Slaughter, the Bert G. Kerstetter ’66 University Professor of Politics and International Affairs at Princeton University, doesn’t think Weiner should leave his post. In fact, she blogged about it…

They have to be willing to give themselves up to the public – media included – 24 hours a day, while typically earning only a small fraction of what they could earn in the private sector and accepting the continual frustration of operating in a political and bureaucratic system in which it is harder and harder to get anything good done.

They also have to be competitive, driven, extroverted and highly risk-acceptant. Those are often the characteristics of our most successful economic innovators and entrepreneurs; it is not surprising that many of our most effective political figures – typically the rising stars of their parties – have the same traits. These traits, and indeed success itself, also correlates with high testosterone.

That is the backdrop against which I conclude that Anthony Weiner should not resign, but should instead leave the decision regarding whether he can continue to serve in Congress to his constituents.

I in no way condone his behavior with women; it strikes me exactly as a pathology for which he needs treatment.

He has betrayed his wife and family; it is up to them to decide whether to forgive. And he has indeed compromised the public trust invested in him, which is why his constituents should and will have a chance to decide whether his lies mean they no longer trust him enough to have him represent them.

But consider Bill Clinton and Eliot Spitzer, to take only two of the many, many examples of powerful public men caught in sex scandals (Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Ensign, Mark Sanford, Rudy Giuliani, Gary Hart) or not caught, but revealed later (Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Nelson Rockefeller).

I for one am deeply glad that Bill Clinton did not resign; he was one of the best presidents of my lifetime and left the country in far better shape than he found it. His wife and daughter chose to forgive him and to preserve their family, which is their business, not ours. He also breached the public trust by lying, but in my view not to an extent that it affected his ability to govern successfully.

Republicans evidently make the same calculation about their candidates. It is striking that Newt Gingrich and David Vitter, to take only two recent Republican examples, were not abandoned by their supporters on the basis of sex scandals of equal severity and hypocrisy to those of comparable Democrats.

Absent criminal behavior, which is another category entirely, the issue is whether sexual misconduct undermines a politician’s ability to represent his or her constituents and contribute to the common good. It is certainly legitimate for Weiner’s Congressional colleagues to voice their views that the scandal surrounding his actions is harming the party’s agenda as a whole. But it is equally legitimate for him to insist that in the end his fate should be decided by the good citizens of his district. A government of, by, and for the people should let the people decide.

It is interesting to note that a recent poll of Weiner’s constituents don’t want him to resign….I don’t know why powerful men throughout the ages continue to be so easily thrown off course by sexual temptations, but does their personal philandering nullify their professional prowess? (Interesting sidebar: President Ronald Reagan was the only divorced president…)

Any thoughts?