Category Archives: love and marriage

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Single Ladies in Atlanta Stand Up…

Hello World!

First of all, don’t hate me because I’m a member of the media…I don’t make the news…I just report it…And to my single ladies, particularly those in the A, we are news…

If you hadn’t heard, and I had not until my writer friend Chicki Brown e-mailed a link to me a couple of days ago, VH1 will be putting the single ladies of Atlanta front and center with its new comedic drama Single Ladies. Actresses LisaRaye McCoy, Stacey Dash and Charity Shea will portray Keisha, Val and April as they ponder the question: What do women really want in a relationship? And here’s the obvious kicker: the show will be set in Atlanta. How much you want to bet that this video was the catalyst that brought this show to the little screen? The show, the network’s first hour-long scripted show, will make its debut on May 30 at 9 p.m. EST/PT. Below is a description of the show from AOL Black Voices…

Stacey Dash plays Val, an ambitious aspiring fashion mogul who wants to find a true partner, LisaRaye McCoy is Keisha a former video dancer in search of a sugar daddy to keep her laced in riches and Charity Shea is April, the married friend who learned that finding your true love isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

Single Ladies is executive produced by Queen Latifah’s Flavor Unit Entertainment (I cannot help but wonder if this show will be like Living Single? Remember that show?). According to AOL Black Voices, Common (with his tantalizing self), Lauren London, Eve, Chili and Kim Porter are scheduled to make appearances on the show. To watch the trailer for the show, go here.

Well, if Flavor Unit ever needs to have focus groups or consultations for future episodes, I know I can share some of my experiences being single in the A…So will you watch the show? Will anyone else?

Any thoughts?

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Marriage Makes Good Cents…

Hello World!

Before I get started on today’s post, I have to shout out Cam Newton, College Park, Georgia’s own, who was awarded the Heisman Trophy last night! Way to go Cam! Way to go CPK! I grew up in the CPK so I gotta recognize!

Alrighty….today’s topic…According to the recently released 2010 report from The National Marriage Project, which provides research and analysis on the health of marriage in its yearly State of Our Unions Report,  achieving the American Dream is very much bound to the success of marriages. And it seems that highly-educated people (defined in the report as those with a college degree) are achieving the American Dream more than their less-educated counterparts in part because they are choosing to get married. Moderately-educated individuals (people who have a high school diploma and possibly some college) are becoming less likely to walk down the aisle than in years past and have started to resemble the poor in their attitudes toward non-marital child-bearing, divorce and marriage quality, according to the report.

I have selected some interesting findings from the report for your perusal and analysis:

  • In a historic reversal, the cultural foundations of strong marriages – adherence to a “marriage mindset,” religious attendance and faith in marriage as a way of life – are stronger now among the highly educated than among the moderately educated. For example, teenagers from highly-educated homes are more likely to report that they would be embarrassed by a pregnancy (76 percent) than their peers from moderately- educated homes (61 percent). Highly-educated Americans are also now more likely to attend church on a weekly basis (34 percent) than moderately-educated Americans (28 percent); in the 1970s, highly-educated Americans were less likely to attend church than the moderately educated.
  • Divorce rates are up for moderately-educated Americans, relative to those who are highly educated. From the 1970s to the 1990s, divorce or separation within the first 10 years of marriage became less likely for the highly educated (15 percent down to 11 percent), slightly more likely for the moderately educated (36 up to 37
    percent), and less likely for the least educated (46 down to 36 percent).
  • Middle Americans are shifting toward a culture that still honors the ideal of marriage but increasingly accepts departures from that ideal. They have also not been well served by the rise of the “soul mate” model of marriage (more on this below), which is less accessible to them—for both cultural and material reasons—than is the older “institutional” model of marriage.
  • Over the last four decades, many Americans have moved away from identifying with an “institutional” model of marriage, which seeks to integrate sex, parenthood, economic cooperation, and emotional intimacy in a permanent union. This model has been overwritten by the “soul mate” model, which sees marriage as primarily a couple-centered vehicle for personal growth, emotional intimacy, and shared consumption that depends for its survival on the happiness of both spouses. Thus where marriage used to serve as the gateway to responsible adulthood, it has come to be increasingly seen as a capstone of sorts that signals couples have arrived, both financially and emotionally—or are on the cusp of arriving.
  • Although this newer model of marriage—and the new norms associated with it—has affected all Americans, it poses unique challenges to poor and Middle American adults. One problem with this newer model—which sets a high financial and emotional bar for marriage—is that many poor and Middle American couples now believe that they do not have the requisite emotional and economic resources to get or stay married. By contrast, poor and Middle Americans of a generation or two ago would have identified with the institutional model of marriage and been markedly more likely to get and stay married, even if they did not have much money or a consistently good relationship. They made do. But their children and grandchildren are much less likely to accept less-than-ideal relationships.
  • Moderately-educated Americans also registered the biggest declines in religious attendance from the 1970s to the present. Over the last 40 years, then, Middle America has lost its religious edge over their more highly educated fellow citizens…Accordingly, Middle Americans are now markedly less likely than they used to be to benefit from the social solidarity, the religious and normative messages about marriage and family life, and the social control associated with regular churchgoing, especially in comparison with their neighbors who graduated from college.

To read the entire report, please go here. I must admit much of this report did not surprise me, but it is interesting to see all of the data that supports what I see going on all around me.  What did cause me to ponder a bit, however, was the whole “soul mate” reference. I’ve always been a sucker for the whole “soul mate” thing…I mean it’s even a category on this blog, but I wonder if having overly romanticized views about marriage is actually detrimental. From eHarmony commercials to any given romance movie nowadays, finding your “soul mate” is akin finding the Holy Grail. Based on this premise, there is one ideal person out there who is your perfect match and whose presence will take you to new heights in every area of your life….what do you think? Is that true or false?

Anyway, that’s all….

Any thoughts?

P.S. It is still the Christmas season…Enjoy “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.” Hearing this song always makes me laugh… 🙂

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Relationships, Inspiration & Holy Ghost Tent Revivals: NEW BOOK ALERT!

Hello World!

Jay Bakker (right) with Matt Debenedictis, Atlanta, Georgia...This is an illustration from Tess' book as she is also a gifted illustrator...

Well, I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of Thanksgiving food. It’s time to back away from that fattening dressing and throw them stanky collards out although I was so thankful to gather with family and friends…But now, it’s officially time to celebrate the Christmas season…YAY!

It’s time  to “make that list and check it twice.” Yes, it’s time to make that Christmas list and budget. If you’re anything like me, a good book is always a good Christmas gift, and most books are reasonably priced too..And if you are looking for some good books, consider the ones I will tell you about below…

1. Southern Cross: True Stories of miracles, visions, voodoo, snake handling, civil disobedience, and my search for existential answers along the back roads of the Bible Belt by Tess Gadwa. (Full disclosure: My friend Tess designed my blog for me, and yes, I am completely biased about her work.) This is a book chronicling Tess’ spiritual journey to various towns, locales and cities in the Southeastern part of the United States. In fact, I met Tess when she stopped in Atlanta for a convention. We were both trying to convince Anne Lamott, the featured speaker, to take a look at our works in progress, get us a book publishing deal and make us famous…Well, maybe Tess did not want that, but that was my master plan…As it turns out, as far as we know, Lamott did not even peruse our work, but it’s all good…Tess & I are friends for life…

Below is an excerpt of her interview with Jay Bakker, son of Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker…If you haven’t heard of them, a quick Google search will get you up to speed. Basically, Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker, were the quintessential televangelist and wife team of the ’80s who preached prosperity for the masses, but it all call came down due to scandals of sex and money…In spite of it all, though their son Jay lost his faith in God, he found a new faith in God and began a very different type of church than the one he grew up in….

Eventually, Jay returned to the ministry he had founded. But his anger at the church still shows.“The best is when you’re on top and they love you. They treat you well, and they care about you, and they make you feel that you’re important. And when you’re on the bottom, they kick you when you’re down,” he says with resignation.

“I’ve sat in churches and watched preachers preach against my dad, not knowing
that I was in the congregation. I went to a youth group, and this youth pastor started
making jokes about my parents, and I was just so brokenhearted, trying to give church a
chance.”

It’s easy for me to shrug and think to myself, well, your dad was a convicted
criminal. He exemplified a lot of the worst traits of Christianity. Of course other church
leaders are going to want to distance themselves. I think I first read about the PTL scandal in the Bloom County comic strip, when I was 10 years old. I remember a joke about the characters scrounging their savings to keep Tammy Faye in eyeliner a few weeks longer.

How weird would it be to have your mom and dad be the butt of these jokes? You
might not have seen too much of them back in the era of the private jets and round-the-clock
bodyguards, but they would still be your parents.
“I hate legalism, man,” Jay says. “I hate when people’s lives are hurt by the
church. And they think it’s Jesus, or they think it’s God. And that’s why I’m angry,
because I lived through it.”

You got to check out this book…and it’s free on her website! As my friend is a talented writer, this work is literally a steal…

2. 30 Days to a More Powerful You: Inspired Sistah Style by Tangie Henry. This is a daily devotional book that focuses on critical areas in self-development from self-examination to self-acceptance…A registered nurse and certified life coach, Tangie Henry is also the founder of Inspired Sistah LLC, a faith-based company dedicated to “Inspiring Women to Live on Top of the World.” Below is an excerpt from the book…

At Tangie's book release party!

From Day 29

Run Your Own Race

“…And let us run with patience the race that is set before us.” -Heb. 12:1 (KJV)

While watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show one day, Sean “Diddy” Combs was the guest. Their discussion led to Mr. Combs talking about running the NYC Marathon. He made a statement to Oprah that was along the lines of running as fast, in the amount of time, that she did. Her response to what he stated was that he should run his “own race,” because there would be a time where he would “hit the wall.” She was implying that essentially, he needed to have his own motivation for running.

For the rest of devotional, you must by the book. You can find and buy the book at her website.

3. And if you are a woman and ready to meet and marry the One, you need to check out Dr. Alduan Tarrt’s latest book, The Ring Formula: How To Be the Only One He Ever Needs. This is Tartt’s second relationship book  in which he further expounds on what was presented in his first book, The Ring Formula: How to Meet, Date & Marry Mr. Right. Below is an excerpt…

First, these women do not misinterpret He who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing to mean sit around and wait on a man…Here’s what I want you to do. Do some homework and strategically position yourself at places where your caliber of man is likely to frequent. Be sure to select events where the male to female ratio is almost certain to be in your favor (i.e., Chamber of Commerce meetings, business networking events, fraternity and male conferences, sports bars, political fundraisers, sporting events, men’s
ministry, etc.).

Find a reason to be there that makes you feel comfortable and initiate operation F.L.I.R.T. Why can’t a woman network and exchange business cards? You have business about yourself too. What’s wrong with volunteering at fraternity conference or two? Why can’t you watch the game, get more informed about who’s running for office in your community or become more active in the male mentoring campaign at the church?

To buy Dr. Tartt’s book, which is available in e-format and traditional format, please go here.

Any thoughts?