Category Archives: love and marriage

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So Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?

Hello World!

I think ABC News’ “Nightline” is gonna ride this train until the wheels fall off…Back in December, a reporter interviewed several black women about the shortage of marriageable black men…Apparently,  Atlanta is the epicenter of this shortage and so several black women from the A were polled…If you haven’t seen the now infamous video of the interview, you can view it here. This interview ignited a firestorm of opinions all over the Blogosphere, Facebook, radio and on and on…My mom was even compelled to discuss the interview with me after seeing the video. (Her analysis. “I feel sorry for you and other young women who are dating now…” I just rolled my eyes and kept my mouth shut.) Newly-appointed relationship guru Steve Harvey was also a part of the interview and lent his commentary to the discourse….

Well, on Friday, this dilemma will again be the focus of discussion at ABC News’ Nightline “Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?” as a part of its “Nightline: Face Off” series. And guess what? The city is coming to the country…ABC News’ “Nightline” is hosting the debate right here in Atlanta….below are the details…

What:

“Nightline” Face-Off : Why can’t a successful black woman find a man? Moderated by correspondent Vicki Mabrey and radio talk show host Steve Harvey

Who:

Sherri Shepherd: Co-Host of ABC’s “The View”

Jacque Reid, VH1’s “Let’s Talk About Pep”

Hill Harper, CSI-NY actor and author of “The Conversation”

Jimi Izrael, NPR correspondent and author of “The Denzel Principle”

When:

April 9 from 7-9 p.m. Doors open at 6 p.m.; the first 600 attendees will be seated.

Where:

Porter Sanford Performing Arts Center, 3181 Rainbow Dr., Decatur, Ga.

I will be in the house covering the event for After the Altar Call…If you’re not among the 600 that make it in, that’s okay…I will be bringing you all of the details and will post them here on Sunday…

So why do you think a successful black woman can’t find a man….Or is that even true? Is this part of a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point? Give me some questions that I can ask Steve Harvey, Sherri Shepherd, Hill Harper etc.

Any thoughts?

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I’m in the Mood for Love…and Marriage…

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, the longest married couple in the world...

Smooches,

Today is the day — the day when my affinity for all things that have to do with love, dating and relationships is actually celebrated instead of berated…Yes, I began crushing on boys in the first grade and by the time I was 13 years old, I was known as the boy-crazy chick in my group of friends…but today, my tendency to swoon over and pay attention to the charm of hot guys is actually just fine…

Over the years, I have always kept several guy friends — in part because I like the perspective of guys that is unlike any of my girls and because I like variety…even when I had a boyfriend, I always had several guy friends to bounce things off of and to be there when the boyfriend of the day acted up and was let go (or vice versa…)

But about two years ago, a married friend told me that when I got married or if I aspired to be married, having a bunch of guy friends would not be tolerated…And what she said made sense…She suggested that I should stop hanging with all of my dudes and mainly reserve my friendship for my girls as a way of preparing myself for the arrival of The One…and that made sense too…so I did…I rarely talk to any of my guy friends anymore…And it’s actually okay with me…They are still my dudes, but unless I’m your main chick, you are not getting all of my convo…I’m hoping that on a Valentine’s Day in the future, I will actually be married…

I’m thinking if I want to get married, maybe I should befriend more married women and soak up more of their wisdom…I expect this was the principle in mind behind the Twitter event of the longest married couple on the earth, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher. Today, the couple will be responding to tweets about marriage. And they should know…They have been married for 85 years…And isn’t it crazy that the Fishers are on Twitter? Guess I need to go ‘head and set up an account…

So on my V-Day post last year, I posted my Top 14 Love songs…This year, I will post my Top 14 movies about dating, marriage, love, etc…and please share yours… And in no particular order…

1. “Titanic” – I saw this movie years after it came out, and I nearly kicked myself that I had not seen this movie before. Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet convinced me that their love would go on…although the Titanic ship didn’t…

2. “Love Story” – Since this movie came out three years before I was born, I obviously didn’t see this movie on opening night either…But I did catch it late one night when I couldn’t sleep…Love means never having to say you’re sorry…Swoon, swoon, swoon

3.  “Purple Rain” – Believe it or not, I saw this movie for the first time in December…I Would Die 4 U – Love it…Love Prince and his bike in that movie…

4. “When Harry Met Sally” – Classic. It is THE movie for friends turned lovers…

5. “Love Jones” – This movie totally brings me back to the mid ’90s…Larenz Tate hadn’t looked this good since!

6. “Jason’s Lyric”  – I met Allen Payne Memorial Day Weekend in Miami years ago…Dang, he is fine!

7. “Grease” – The soundtrack is so fun…”You’re the one that I want…”

8. “The Notebook” – Would you marry for love or money…I say both! But I would prefer love if I had to choose…

9.  “Something’s Gotta Give”  – This movie has the most realistic crying over a man scenes of any movie I’ve ever seen….have you ever woken up in the morning and then a moment later, you remember that y’all broke up…and your heart drops and the tears fall…what a horrible way to start the day…but that’s real…

10. “Beauty and the Beast” – Hey, cartoon movies should get love too…I saw this movie on a first date in high school…at the time, this guy made my toes curl and it didn’t help that we saw this sweet movie on our first date…

11. “The Bridges of Madison County” – I don’t know much about being a bored housewife in the Midwest, but this one right here made me almost wish I did…Meryl Streep is the Greatest!

12. “The Wood” – Loved the soundtrack…”You’re my latest, tell you you’re my greatest, my latest, my greatest inspiration…” Miss you Teddy P!

13.  “Love and Basketball” – I really don’t care what movie Omar Epps is in…I’ma watch it…

14. “Walk the Line” – almost made me wish I was dating a country music star…

Any thoughts?

To honor Black History Month, I will offer a memorable quote from someone in black history on each post I write this month…

“Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever…”  Audre Lorde

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The Rise of the Alpha Female…and the men they choose to marry…

Who Dat?

And that’s pretty much all I’ma say about the Super Bowl…I was gonna write something that had to do with the Super Bowl, but I’ma keep it real…I don’t get into football like that…although I know the Saints will be marching in by the end of the day…How can they lose with a name like that?

So after I saw the third article on this topic, I knew I had to discuss it here on this blog…In one article I read, former Us Weekly Editor-In-Chief Janice Min made more in one paycheck than her husband made in a whole year!!!(Apparently, she made roughly $2 million a year…I would say that is PHENOMENAL for a journalist. READ: Can I get somma dat some day?) According to an article in The New York Times, more men are likely to marry women who earn more money than they do than ever before according to Pew Research Center data….NPR,  in another article,  “Modern Marriages: The Rise of The Sugar Mama,” explored the same topic using the same data. In this article, one husband is married to a woman who works at the same company as he does — except she is two management levels above him. And THREE of his wife’s brothers are in a similar situation…Below is an interesting excerpt from the same article…

“I think this is really an example of an outdated idea,” says Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage: A History. Coontz says that in a 1967 poll, two-thirds of women said they’d consider marrying a man they did not love if he had good earnings potential.

“Now, women have a completely different point of view,” Coontz says. “They say overwhelmingly — 87 percent — that it’s more important to have a man who can communicate well, who can be intimate and who will share the housework than to have someone who makes more money than you do.”

So how do y’all feel about that? Could you marry a man who makes less than you do? A friend and I were discussing relationships yesterday as we often do. We talked about how some of us who are still in the game (the dating game) still tout money as one of the main qualities that a eligible man must have. She said the term “love” rarely comes up as a quality – meaning that women rarely talk about a man loving them as an important quality. She cited a Bible verse…

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33

In sum, husbands are commanded to love their wives, and women are commanded to respect their husbands…So I wonder if women need to look at love as the most important quality to look for in a man…But then again, some women may not be able to respect a man if his earning potential is less than hers…

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  I Timothy 5:18

Now to be fair, providing for your household does not mean that you have to make more in my opinion. It does means that you have to provide your share…But some women may interpret that verse as meaning that a man must make more money than they do…What do you think? What do I think…

Well, when I was in j-school (journalism school), I found out pretty quickly that journalism was not one of the careers you chose if you are simply trying to get paid…People typically become journalists become they love the written word and have an insatiable curiousity. (READ: Me in a nutshell.) And now that our country is in its current economic state, journalism, as y’all probably know,  has become even less lucrative across the board…With that in mind, would it make sense for me to marry a man that makes less than I do…I’m honestly not sure…but judging from what I’ve seen in the news, some of the world’s richest, most powerful men make the worst husbands…And then again, just because a man is not rich and powerful doesn’t mean that he’s a keeper either…

Any thoughts?

To honor Black History Month, I will offer a memorable quote from someone in black history on each post I write this month…

“No person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended.”  Alice Walker….(Did y’all know that Alice Walker has a blog?)