Category Archives: Scriptures

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I’m such a hater aka I sometimes break The Ten Commandments…

Hello World!!!

It has been said that confession is good for the soul. And so in deference to that adage, I confess that I frequently covet…

My earliest remembrance of this destructive behavior in my life goes back to when I was about six years old. A single mother who worked nights lived next door to my family and me.  In neighborly kindness, I guess, the single mother’s daughter, who shall go nameless, was allowed to stay over at our apartment each night. In the morning, her mother would come and get her. The girl was about a year younger than me and so we became fast friends.

But I quickly  noticed that this girl had things that I didn’t have. She wore name name brand clothing for instance and had jewelry even. In my six-year-old mind, I deduced that the reason my parents didn’t lavish name brand clothing and jewelry on me was that there was three of us and they couldn’t afford to spend their money on such frivolties. And I also deduced that my friend’s mama only had to cover two people, and that’ s why her mama could spend that way. But I was still jealous…I would try to comfort myself by saying to myself, I bet she wishes she had a daddy and brothers like I do…And that sentiment would work for a while, but then I would find myself thinking of what she had and what I didn’t have again. It got so bad that sometimes I would be up at night worrying about it all…Can you believe it? I was just six years old! That is sooo terrible…My friend slept in my room with me and that made it worse. Sometimes I would get up in the middle of the night and quietly open the door so the hallway light shone in the room and I would peer at a ring on her finger. I don’t even remember what it looked like exactly, but I do remember it was sparkly and reminded me of one of my favorite fairytales – Cinderella.

Fast forward nearly 30 years and I still find myself dealing with this insidious habit. I remember when I was in 20s and I was making $10 a paycheck at my first journalism job. All of my friends were going on trips, getting fabulous apartments and starting investment clubs…With my meager earnings, I had to live at home, and the only trip I could afford was the trip to work and back. As far as investments were concerned, I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that I was investing in my future by taking a job in my field and getting experience. But I was still seething on the inside…and sometimes the vitriol spilled out…My father gave me countless pep talks during this time…He assured me that “my time” was coming…And he reminded that I chose a field that often doesn’t yield large earnings- at least at the beginning of your career, and I had to accept that or go into a different field. And he also told me that God had a purpose for my life and as long as I was in His will, I was where I needed to be.

Lately I have found myself hating on other people’s blogs or their careers. Here is what I think sometimes – Why her blog got all those comments? I’m a good writer too. Or why did she get a book deal when her topic is hackneyed at best?  I could write that story with one hand tied behind my back…Yes, it’s gets really ugly in my mind sometimes…A friend wisely told me maybe one of the reasons why my blog doesn’t get as many comments as others is because I am talking about religious topics and religion will never be as popular. That may be true, but one of my favorite blogs, a religious blog, gets scads of comments…how come my blog doesn’t? I swear I’m still six years old….

So by this time, I should be wrapping up now and telling you how I’ve overcome my haterism…I haven’t…but sometimes, I have moments of clarity after I have bitched and moaned about it to anyone that will listen…One particularly spiritual friend frequently states that I shouldn’t compare my insides to someone else’s outsides. What that means is that what someone has doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness. Over the years I have learned that is true. Sometimes I’ve been told to pray for the person that I resent. I’ve found that if I pray for the person to get everything I want in my life, I often find that I don’t feel as bad…And I recently discovered that some people want what I have. That makes me feel really good…I swear, I’m terrible, huh? And sometimes hate can be a good thing actually. Sometimes, it has propelled me to do things I wouldn’t ordinarily do…For instance, I can be smart about my money too…And sometimes the answer is to stop thinking about myself and think of how I can help others…Self obsession is a trap for sure…prayer is a good tool too…

Anyway, I don’t have all of the answers for sure, but I am REALLY interested in what you have to say. PLEASE post comments…or else…or else…I will talk about you to my friends, ha, ha (Y’all pray for me.)

Any thoughts?

P.S. Check out Canton Jones’ “Hater Day.”

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America the Beautiful…

Hello World!!!

Do you think I’m beautiful? Am I sexy? Do you want me? Do you think I’m fat? I guarantee if you’re a female in the United States of America, at least one of these questions has run through your mind…but I don’t like speaking for other people so let me turn the focus back to me…

A few weeks ago, a friend and I watched the documentary, “America the Beautiful”on Spelman’s College campus. Doumentary director Darryl Roberts examined America’s unhealthy obsession with beauty from a variety of angles. The documentary starts with an interview of two pre-teens, one, an average looking black girl, and another black girl, Gerren Taylor, who becomes the focus of the movie. Roberts correctly notes that both girls have the same pre-pubescent look…you remember- long in the neck, scrawny in the arms, etc. but for whatever reason the first girl is considered not-so-attractive and Gerren is beautiful.

One day someone arbitrarily tells Gerren she should be a model. Gerren’s mother, who once dabbled in modeling, takes this stranger’s word and seeks the help of a local modeling agency to make her daughter America’s next top model. Gerren, who was once teased for looking like a giraffe, almost instantaneously (at least it seems that way) becomes a star and finds herself rocking the New York catwalk for some of the country’s hottest designers including Marc Jacobs, DKNY and Tommy Hilfiger.  And she’s only 12 years old! As her middle school principal notes, something is clearly wrong when the body type of a 12 year old is the standard!!! What fully grown woman can achieve the body of a 12 year old? And why the heck would any woman to?

I blogged about my own body images issues in other posts. Unfortunately, my issues began at a very early age, but I remember really beginning to devote some serious mind space to such issues when I was about 12 years old…appropriately, about the time that we enter puberty…Since my parents emphasized education in our household, thankfully I gained some self esteem from my grades, writing and other areas of intellectual pursuit – but alas I became a victim of the images that bombarded me as soon as I left the safe cocoon of my childhood home. I began reading Seventeen magazine when I was about 13 years old. Only a cursory look through its pages and you can deduce a few things: “white is right,” “if you black, you need to stay back” and “thin is in!”

Roberts interviews a few magazine editors during the documentary and the answers they give about why unrealistic images of girls and women are featured in their pages is utterly shocking. Basically, they realize they are contributing to unhealthy body image issues, but they gotta make a living… Perfection, as they see it, sells and reality is clearly not profitable…One of my favorite parts of the movie is when Dove shows how an average woman can look like a superstar model through hair, makeup and photo shop trickery. Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty Rocks!!!

Women have been grappling with beauty/body image issues since Biblical times.  Here is an excerpt from Song of Solomon.

I am black but beautiful, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Cedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Do not consider me that I am brown, because the sun hath altered my colour: the sons of my mother have fought against me, they have made me the keeper in the vineyards: my vineyard I have not kept.

Song of Solomon 1:4-5

The woman in this book makes a point of noting that while she is dark, she is still beautiful. It makes me sad to think that blackness is not automatically associated with beauty…Roberts also gets into the whole dark skinned/light skinned issue that that black people are still grappling with even in 2009.scholarship

By the end of the documentary, Gerren nearly has a breakdown after she is cast out of the modeling world because she is too fat…At 15, she was a size 4…

So I have a few questions for you that I would like for you to consider and answer:

1. How has America’s unhealthy obsession with beauty/body image affected you or someone you love or don’t love?

2. Are you currently on a diet now? If so, why? Is it because you could stand to lose a few pounds or is it because you want to achieve a weight that is seen as more desirable, regardless of your body type?

3. What can we do to encourage young black women to see their beauty in spite of images to support the contrary?

4. How is the light skinned/dark skinned issue rearing its ugly head in 2009?

5. Are men now getting messages that they, too, have to be “beautiful? ” If you don’t have a six-pack and some guns, are you less desirable to women? My friend thinks so…

Any thoughts (on these questions)

P.S. I have included a couple of pictures that reflect my inner struggle with beauty/body image issues. In one pic, I had a won a scholarship to my university’s journalism school, but I was thinking about about my weight. In another pic, two years later, I had lost the weight. I was in a pageant, the Miss Atlanta-Jamaica Pageant, but I was worried about not being pretty enough or Jamaican enough for that matter, but I digress…

pageant2

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Synchronicity Speaks…

Hello World!!!

Somes friends and I have decided that this year we are going to hold each other accountable for our resolutions, dreams, goals, etc. for 2009. I have yet to decide upon mine for this year. It usually takes me the whole month of January to come up with a reasonable list. I know many people think that coming up with yearly resolutions is pointless, but I think if you consult God and ask for His guidance, you stand half a chance of actually achieving them. God’s word states that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Philipians 4:13

So how do you know that God is guiding you to a specific resolution, goal, dream, etc.? An anonymous commenter on my last post “,Doubt,” said that one way that he or she knows that God is real is through coincidence. I think I know what this commenter means. Sometimes a string of mysterious events happen that seem to magically point to a certain result. I call this synchronicity aka magic! I first learned about synchronicity in an “The Artist’s Way” class I took one summer. It a class designed to “discover and recover your creative self.”  Taking that class was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in life! I cannot begin to tell you all that I learned.

But I will share one life-altering realization I had as a result of taking that class. I realized that I wanted to pursue a freelance writing/book writing business. I named this endeavor Selah Communications. Selah means to pause. Since I lost my job earlier that year, I had a lot of time to pause. I also decided that my business would be based on the Psalm 4: 4-5. “When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.”  That year, I spent many hours lying on my bed pondering my future. (So dramatic, I swear.) I determined that I would try to live a righteous life and trust the Lord was leading me in spite of my circumstances.

So I am getting to the point. I am…for real. That New Year’s Eve, the pastor actually preached on the same verses that I decided would be my guiding force for Selah Communications. Out of all of the verses in the Bible, the pastor chose the same two that I chose earlier that summer. Synchronicity at its best! And since then, I’ve been able to pursue freelance writing/book writing. (Aside: I do wonder when or if my book, “After the Altar Call,” will be published, but I’m still yet holding on and trusting in the Lord.  🙂 )

The following quote perfectly sums up the synchronicity principle:

Evoking the Soul

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of incidents and meetings and material assistance which no person would have believed would have come their way. Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it.  Action has magic, grace and power in it.

                                                                                    Goethe

Great quote, huh? I first read it in the “The Artist’s Way” book by Julia Cameron.  I have a sign with this quote on it in my office. I think synchronicity is one of the ways that God’s leads us to the right dream, resolution, goal, person, etc.  I have described one example in this post, but I’ve experience synchronicity countless times in my life. If if my book is published, you can read about more of my synchronistic experiences…

Have you experienced synchronicity in your life? One of the reasons that I love blogging is because it gives people a forum to share their experiences. So please tell me about your personal magic… (Also, here is a great article about synchronicity that explains it even better than I have, I think.)

Any thoughts?

P.S. You must  know that is was synchronistic that President-Elect Barack Obama offically accepted the Democratic party nomination on the same day that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech 45 years earlier. Don’t tell me that God isn’t real, as father likes to say…