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Book Notes#3 – On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating

Blane Bachelor, her book and me...

Hello World!

I hope you are wrapping up your summer in a fabulous way! I am – hence my lack of posts over the last week or so…I’ve been traveling…but my writing schedule will be back to normal in September…

However, I have found the time to write a book review on one of my fave – if not my fave – topics: relationships…A writer friend of mine Blane Bachelor recently held a book release party to celebrate the release of her first book On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating. (With a name last name like Bachelor, she was destined to write on the topic of relationships!) I went to the party and bought a book…After reading the book, I decided that I should review it right here…Disclaimer: Unlike the other books I have reviewed on this blog, this book is in no way religious or spiritual; however, everybody can relate to the topic of dating, mating and relating…

Okay, just a little background on Blane…Her book was inspired by and based on “Ask a Bachelor, “ her advice column for the Sunday Paper published right here in the A…The column was originally named “On Being a Bachelor” and included thoughts about her dating adventures in the A, but serendipitously, shortly after committing to write about her lack of a commitment, she found herself in a committed relationship…And so the column was reworked into an advice column…Wonder of wonders…

And now that I have introduced you to Blane, let’s get into her book…First of all, let me give a sampling of some of the chapter titles: Sex in the City, Becoming Carrie Bradshaw, The Hickey Dilemma, Skeletons and Dates in the Closet, The Slow Burn…hmmm, sounds interesting,  huh?

I think what I like most about the book is that it highlights dating in the A….As a dyed-in-the-wool single woman in the A, I know about dating in my fair city…but I am always interested in other perspectives and experiences…

From the chapter The Dangers of Dating a Metrosexual –

“About a week later, as we wove through the sea of blankets at Screen on the Green, I prayed we wouldn’t run into any of my friends, who would never let me forget that my date was wearing gray flat-front dress pants, a tight baby-blue T-shirt and a wide Nike wristband. On his elbow.

Raise your hands if you have gone out with a metrosexual (metrosexual: young straight stylish urban man: a young, straight, sensitive urban man who is unashamed to enjoy good clothes, stylish living, the art of decorating, and improving his personal appearance. This definition is from MSN Encarta.)! It’s a bit unnerving to date a metrosexual…I guess because I am not always on point when it comes to my own presentation…I forever pick at my fingernails and so my hands tend to look jacked up more than I would like to admit…I probably wear clothes much longer than I should because I’m frugal and don’t like spending money on them if I can help it…I know, it sounds so anti-girly, huh? I remember one fashionable guy I dated just blurted out once, “I think you are trying to be unsexy!”  He even brought a clothing catalog on one our dates to help me pick out some clothes that would look good on me…wow, huh? But back to Blane’s book…

Toward the middle of the book, Blane delves into her relationship with then boyfriend, now fiance’, C. I particularly like the chapter The Slow Burn…In this chapter, she describes her willingness to let their relationship develop although she was feeling less than fireworks at the beginning of their relationship…

“This gray was a departure of sorts for me. For a long time, I had always fancied myself a romantic, claiming I would never settle for anything less than all-out, can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you passion. And if those fireworks weren’t flying from the start like of a Fourth of July extravaganza, I simply wasn’t interested…So I still can’t explain why I didn’t close the lid early on whatever was bubbling between C. and me. Perhaps it was the simple fact that I felt the admittedly pathetic need to be validated after getting kicked to the curb. “

By the close of the chapter, she noticed that her relationship with C. finally heated up which explains the title of the chapter, obviously. Sooo, are you the type that has to be head-over-heals at the start of a relationship or are you content to let things simmer a while before getting hot? I have always favored head-over-heels attraction but I must admit this has not been the best practice for me…It has caused me to date some guys that were clearly unsuitable because they gave me the jollies…On the other hand, should one go out with a man if there isn’t any spark at all? What do you think?

Blane also delves into another phenomenon I’ve noticed in  dating/mating/relating – the inevitable weight gain of a happy couple….From the chapter Seriously Weighty Relationship Issues…

“A few months into being coupled up, I go from foxy to fatty. I am certainly not alone. Just looking at many of the people I know who are in relationships, I can see fuller faces, pudgier waistlines, more rotund rumps.”

Blane is speaking the truth! I first noticed this peculiarity in college…There was this resident advisor on my hall that gained a lot of weight as she was dating this guy who also lived in our dorm…I don’t know is she was cooking for him in our rustic dorm kitchens or if they were feeding each other at restaurants all over Athens, but this girl put on a considerable amount of weight…And then shortly after I stopped seeing him go into her dorm room at all hours of the day and night, she became her former stick-thin self…I pray that doesn’t happen to me…I have to maintain my sexy as my friend U. likes to say!

For more fun tidbits from Blane book’s, you need to buy it and read it for herself? So do you have any juicy tales from dating in the A that would make a great book or at least a great comment on my blog? Let me know…

Any thoughts?

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My soul mate is married and other conundrums of life…

Hello World! 

If you are anything like me, you are pondering and saddened by the news that American Idol winner and The Color Purple star Fantasia Barrino is recovering after an overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid…Apparently, she took the combination after  feeling “overwhelmed by the lawsuit and the media attention”  concerning her alleged relationship with her married boyfriend Antwaun Cook, her rep told TMZ.com.

Cook’s wife Paula recently filed a lawsuit against her estranged husband in North Carolina, and Barrino is mentioned in the lawsuit. According to WCNC.com, Barrino and Cook made a sex tape and now Paula is seeking custody of their young children, child support and alimony…To me, it’s pretty obvious that Barrino and Cook were not trying to hide their alleged relationship…She has a tattoo with his last name on her shoulder and there are  pictures on the Internet of the couple cavorting all over the world it seems…

Now, the Bible thumping part of me wants to say that Barrino is dead wrong and should leave that man alone – at least until he is truly divorced…But there is another part of me that has a different opinion…Anyone that has lived longer than about 25 years knows that life is not cut and dry…Is it possible to meet your soul mate after you are married to someone else? And if it is possible, what should one do?

In the movie Walk the Line, it was clear that Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash were soul mates — but they were married to other people when they met…And although they fell quickly in love, for a time the only time they could really spend together was on stage…And it appears that at least once Johnny cheated on his first wife with June (at least that is what happened in the movie)…and the two were Christians…Roseanne Cash, the eldest daughter of Cash and his first wife, has written a memoir, Composed, which arrived in stores yesterday.

Christian singer Amy Grant has been accused of having an affair with her now husband country music star Vince Gill. The two were married for years to other people and after they divorced their former spouses, the two married. Though they deny having an affair while they were married to other people, the two admit they felt a deep connection to each other when they first met…

So what say you? What would you do? I think part of the reason that I did not want to get married in my ’20s was that I wanted to wait until I really knew myself before I made that commitment…It seems that in both of the examples that I shared, these couples originally married very early in their lives…Would they have made better decisions if they had waited until they were older? I say yes. I’m not saying that every couple that gets married at a young age is doomed and will meet people better suited for them once they get older…but I do think that when you get older you tend to make better decisions…at least it should be that way…ain’t nothin’ worse than an old fool…

As I alluded to in my title of this post, life can present some interesting conundrums if you live long enough…I’m sure we’ve all heard stories of couples remarrying after they have gotten divorced…Is that wrong or right? Is cheating really grounds for divorce?…A minister told me and a group of other people that many people should not be so quick to divorce after cheating has been revealed, and that he has counseled many that wished they would have forgiven rather divorced their spouses for this offense…

At any rate, aside from all of the philosophizing, we should all pray for Barrino as it’s obvious that this immensly talented singer is suffering right now…

Any thoughts?

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It’s too hot to write aka I have writer’s block AGAIN…

Hello World,

It just was about a year ago that I could barely manage to write a coherent sentence….So there must be a connection with 90 -degree and above temperatures and my uninspired prose…I give you full permission to stop reading here because it’s doubtful that I will have anything meaningful to say…But I will serve up a few of the stories that I find vaguely interesting…When all else fails, celebrity dish is the order of the day…feel free to comment or not…

1. Antoine Dodson – If you have not seen this young man and his menacing but hilarious words to the would -be rapist who attacked his sister, then you must…Since Dodson blew up on YouTube, he with the help of some benefactor obviously has set up a Web site and is asking for donations to help move his family out of the projects…This should not be funny for many reasons but it is…

2. Maia Campbell – If you did not know, Maia is the daughter of deceased prolific author Bebe Moore Campbell. Maia Campbell was recently arrested and apparently has been in jail since July….This must be heartbreaking for her family especially since they recently faced the loss of Bebe Moore Campbell in 2006. I met the author a few years ago at a local Barnes & Noble, and she was very graceful and approachable. Her daughter’s behavior is compelling evidence that mental illness cannot be ignored…

3. Montana Fishburne – Laurence Fishburne must be holding his head in his hands while he ponders what in the world has happened to his daughter…This child wants to be a porn star…Yeah, you read that right…And she is releasing a porn tape later this month…Foolishness I say…

4. Wyclef Jean – I’m sure you heard that he is now running for the presidency of his native Haiti…In the words of Ed Lover…C’mon son…dude, stick to music…experience does count….jeez….

5. Naomi Campbell – Now, this infamous supermodel is accused of receiving “blood diamonds” which were allegedly given to her by former Liberian ruler Charles Taylor who is believed to have used diamonds to fund civil wars in his country – wars that led to the deaths of over 100,000 people…If she ain’t allegedly throwing her cell phone at her servants, she is allegedly receiving blood diamonds from a former ruler who allegedly hand a hand in killing thousands of his countrymen…she is a trip… that is for sure…

6. Alicia Keys – As you probably know, she is now married to Swiss Beatz…My thing is (don’t you just love that phrase?) I wonder how she feels about allegedly taking a man away from his former wife and children…Allegedly, their relationship started while Swiss Beatz was married to another woman…I’m not saying Keys should be worried about losing her husband to someone else but it has been said how you get a man is how you will lose a man…yep karma, is something and even more ironically, one of her hit songs….

7. T.I. & Tiny – I know it took them forever to get married and a lot of their relationship drama played out on the airwaves of Atlanta radio, but I am really rooting for them…Tiny and I went to high school together at Benjamin E. Banneker High School in the CPK. Back then, she used to rock long black hair and a L.A. Raiders starter jacket or bomber I believe…We never talked or anything but she seemed cool enough….Kudos!