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Book Notes#3 – On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating

Blane Bachelor, her book and me...

Hello World!

I hope you are wrapping up your summer in a fabulous way! I am – hence my lack of posts over the last week or so…I’ve been traveling…but my writing schedule will be back to normal in September…

However, I have found the time to write a book review on one of my fave – if not my fave – topics: relationships…A writer friend of mine Blane Bachelor recently held a book release party to celebrate the release of her first book On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating. (With a name last name like Bachelor, she was destined to write on the topic of relationships!) I went to the party and bought a book…After reading the book, I decided that I should review it right here…Disclaimer: Unlike the other books I have reviewed on this blog, this book is in no way religious or spiritual; however, everybody can relate to the topic of dating, mating and relating…

Okay, just a little background on Blane…Her book was inspired by and based on “Ask a Bachelor, “ her advice column for the Sunday Paper published right here in the A…The column was originally named “On Being a Bachelor” and included thoughts about her dating adventures in the A, but serendipitously, shortly after committing to write about her lack of a commitment, she found herself in a committed relationship…And so the column was reworked into an advice column…Wonder of wonders…

And now that I have introduced you to Blane, let’s get into her book…First of all, let me give a sampling of some of the chapter titles: Sex in the City, Becoming Carrie Bradshaw, The Hickey Dilemma, Skeletons and Dates in the Closet, The Slow Burn…hmmm, sounds interesting,  huh?

I think what I like most about the book is that it highlights dating in the A….As a dyed-in-the-wool single woman in the A, I know about dating in my fair city…but I am always interested in other perspectives and experiences…

From the chapter The Dangers of Dating a Metrosexual –

“About a week later, as we wove through the sea of blankets at Screen on the Green, I prayed we wouldn’t run into any of my friends, who would never let me forget that my date was wearing gray flat-front dress pants, a tight baby-blue T-shirt and a wide Nike wristband. On his elbow.

Raise your hands if you have gone out with a metrosexual (metrosexual: young straight stylish urban man: a young, straight, sensitive urban man who is unashamed to enjoy good clothes, stylish living, the art of decorating, and improving his personal appearance. This definition is from MSN Encarta.)! It’s a bit unnerving to date a metrosexual…I guess because I am not always on point when it comes to my own presentation…I forever pick at my fingernails and so my hands tend to look jacked up more than I would like to admit…I probably wear clothes much longer than I should because I’m frugal and don’t like spending money on them if I can help it…I know, it sounds so anti-girly, huh? I remember one fashionable guy I dated just blurted out once, “I think you are trying to be unsexy!”  He even brought a clothing catalog on one our dates to help me pick out some clothes that would look good on me…wow, huh? But back to Blane’s book…

Toward the middle of the book, Blane delves into her relationship with then boyfriend, now fiance’, C. I particularly like the chapter The Slow Burn…In this chapter, she describes her willingness to let their relationship develop although she was feeling less than fireworks at the beginning of their relationship…

“This gray was a departure of sorts for me. For a long time, I had always fancied myself a romantic, claiming I would never settle for anything less than all-out, can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you passion. And if those fireworks weren’t flying from the start like of a Fourth of July extravaganza, I simply wasn’t interested…So I still can’t explain why I didn’t close the lid early on whatever was bubbling between C. and me. Perhaps it was the simple fact that I felt the admittedly pathetic need to be validated after getting kicked to the curb. “

By the close of the chapter, she noticed that her relationship with C. finally heated up which explains the title of the chapter, obviously. Sooo, are you the type that has to be head-over-heals at the start of a relationship or are you content to let things simmer a while before getting hot? I have always favored head-over-heels attraction but I must admit this has not been the best practice for me…It has caused me to date some guys that were clearly unsuitable because they gave me the jollies…On the other hand, should one go out with a man if there isn’t any spark at all? What do you think?

Blane also delves into another phenomenon I’ve noticed in  dating/mating/relating – the inevitable weight gain of a happy couple….From the chapter Seriously Weighty Relationship Issues…

“A few months into being coupled up, I go from foxy to fatty. I am certainly not alone. Just looking at many of the people I know who are in relationships, I can see fuller faces, pudgier waistlines, more rotund rumps.”

Blane is speaking the truth! I first noticed this peculiarity in college…There was this resident advisor on my hall that gained a lot of weight as she was dating this guy who also lived in our dorm…I don’t know is she was cooking for him in our rustic dorm kitchens or if they were feeding each other at restaurants all over Athens, but this girl put on a considerable amount of weight…And then shortly after I stopped seeing him go into her dorm room at all hours of the day and night, she became her former stick-thin self…I pray that doesn’t happen to me…I have to maintain my sexy as my friend U. likes to say!

For more fun tidbits from Blane book’s, you need to buy it and read it for herself? So do you have any juicy tales from dating in the A that would make a great book or at least a great comment on my blog? Let me know…

Any thoughts?

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Got a Question for God? There’s an app for that…

Hello World,

The temperature has finally gone down in the A…”from 96 degrees in the shade” to about 87 degrees in the rain, but I guess I won’t complain…

Anywho…Know what? Although I have a blog and a Facebook account, I am woefully behind on and insecure about emerging technology…I mean I am only on my second cell phone, and my parents bought my first one for me a few years back because they correctly deduced as a reporter I needed one…plus I was the only one  in our immediate family that did not have one…nearly unbelievable huh? but it’s true…

Thankfully, however, God has placed people (including my parents)  in my life who have made sure that I have slowly but surely acquainted myself with the latest technology – people like my friend Tess Gadwa who designed my beloved blog for instance…Well about two months ago at the Faith & Fiction Retreat in the A, I met someone who actually designed an iPhone application! Isn’t that impressive?! Who does that? Catherine Helzerman’s app is cleverly named, Ask God.  I knew she had to be featured on this blog…Read on for my exclusive interview!

1. For those who are not technologically savvy or current (me), what is an Iphone app?

An iPhone App is simply any application that is made specifically to run on Apple’s iPhone.

 
2. What is “Ask God?” Why did you develop the application? 

 Ask God is an application developed for iPhone that allows users to easily find Bible scripture on a variety of topics.  The application is designed to offer a fun introduction to those new to the Bible, as well as give Christians a quick way to get a Word on a topic, such as work, faith or marriage.  Favorite verses can be shared on popular social networks such as Twitter or Facebook. 

 I wrote Ask God because I wanted to give people a fun way to get relevant scripture from the Bible.  Too often, Bibles online can be intimidating or not interesting to the new or non-Christian.  My app has fun features such as shaking your phone for verses and sharing them with friends.  Many users who are sharing God’s Word through my app do not even consider themselves “religious.”

3. How did you develop this application? Please tell me all of the nitty-gritty “techy” details. How long did this process take?

 I’m not sure how long it took because I was working on it in my spare time, but the process was somewhat unique.  I felt drawn to develop an application for those needing quick access to Bible scripture.  With no experience in iPhone programming, I purchased a book called “Program for the iPhone in 24 hours,” and I was on my way.  Fortunately my husband and some friends helped with some of the more technical aspects of the program.

4. How does one get access to Ask God? How much does it cost? Have you made any money? Please describe as it think it would inspire people:)

Ask God can be purchased on your iPhone. Go to the App Store and search for Ask God or Bible verses or on iTunes.  You need to have an iPhone for it to work.  It will not run on Blackberry and other phones because the software is not compatible.

Right now, Ask God is free.  I’m working on an upgrade that will enable the application to work on iPad and also give it a new look and feel.  At some point I might charge 99 cents, but for now,  it is free to anyone who wants it.

For a while I did charge 99 cents.  It did not make a lot of money; however, I think part of the reason was that I was holding back on doing a lot of publicity until I got the software right where I wanted it to be.

5. How are you getting the word out about Ask God?  Have you gotten any feedback from “subscribers?” Is that the correct word for people who download the application?

Feedback from users has been great.  Some encourage me to add more technical features –and they’re right.  Much of this has already been done and is available in the version out now.  Many times I will post a scripture to Facebook and get a comment that the Word was “right on time” and what that person needed to hear.  I love moments like that.

Once I have the version out that works on both iPhone and iPad I will promote the software more to get the word out.  I’ll do this through a press release, Twitter, Facebook and targeted publications that cater to the Christian community.  I’ll also ask pastors to share the word about the application if they’re comfortable in informal settings such as weekly men’s and women’s groups, volunteer and outreach groups, etc.

Any thoughts?

Catherine Helzerman has worked in the high-tech industry since the early ’90s for companies including Gateway, IBM and her current company McAfee  In addition to her responsibilities as a communications director at McAfee, Catherine is active in her church Bible Way Christian Center in San Jose, California, particularly in homeless and low-income outreach.  Catherine also enjoys programming and is the co-founder of Snark Software.  Catherine is working on her first book, a Christian fiction novel that will explore how God orders our steps in a way that makes events that are seemingly unconnected and sometimes painful work toward our good.

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My soul mate is married and other conundrums of life…

Hello World! 

If you are anything like me, you are pondering and saddened by the news that American Idol winner and The Color Purple star Fantasia Barrino is recovering after an overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid…Apparently, she took the combination after  feeling “overwhelmed by the lawsuit and the media attention”  concerning her alleged relationship with her married boyfriend Antwaun Cook, her rep told TMZ.com.

Cook’s wife Paula recently filed a lawsuit against her estranged husband in North Carolina, and Barrino is mentioned in the lawsuit. According to WCNC.com, Barrino and Cook made a sex tape and now Paula is seeking custody of their young children, child support and alimony…To me, it’s pretty obvious that Barrino and Cook were not trying to hide their alleged relationship…She has a tattoo with his last name on her shoulder and there are  pictures on the Internet of the couple cavorting all over the world it seems…

Now, the Bible thumping part of me wants to say that Barrino is dead wrong and should leave that man alone – at least until he is truly divorced…But there is another part of me that has a different opinion…Anyone that has lived longer than about 25 years knows that life is not cut and dry…Is it possible to meet your soul mate after you are married to someone else? And if it is possible, what should one do?

In the movie Walk the Line, it was clear that Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash were soul mates — but they were married to other people when they met…And although they fell quickly in love, for a time the only time they could really spend together was on stage…And it appears that at least once Johnny cheated on his first wife with June (at least that is what happened in the movie)…and the two were Christians…Roseanne Cash, the eldest daughter of Cash and his first wife, has written a memoir, Composed, which arrived in stores yesterday.

Christian singer Amy Grant has been accused of having an affair with her now husband country music star Vince Gill. The two were married for years to other people and after they divorced their former spouses, the two married. Though they deny having an affair while they were married to other people, the two admit they felt a deep connection to each other when they first met…

So what say you? What would you do? I think part of the reason that I did not want to get married in my ’20s was that I wanted to wait until I really knew myself before I made that commitment…It seems that in both of the examples that I shared, these couples originally married very early in their lives…Would they have made better decisions if they had waited until they were older? I say yes. I’m not saying that every couple that gets married at a young age is doomed and will meet people better suited for them once they get older…but I do think that when you get older you tend to make better decisions…at least it should be that way…ain’t nothin’ worse than an old fool…

As I alluded to in my title of this post, life can present some interesting conundrums if you live long enough…I’m sure we’ve all heard stories of couples remarrying after they have gotten divorced…Is that wrong or right? Is cheating really grounds for divorce?…A minister told me and a group of other people that many people should not be so quick to divorce after cheating has been revealed, and that he has counseled many that wished they would have forgiven rather divorced their spouses for this offense…

At any rate, aside from all of the philosophizing, we should all pray for Barrino as it’s obvious that this immensly talented singer is suffering right now…

Any thoughts?