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God Can Speak Through Cute Boys – The Post, Not the Chapter!

Hello World!!!

Last Wednesday during Bible Study, my Bible Study teacher asked all of us a question that he obviously meant for us to ponder. “What have you searched for your whole life?” Even after a minute or so, no one said anything. Since no one volunteered to answer the question, he asked us to answer the question one by one around the whole table.

As each person answered the question, I wondered what I was going to say when he finally got to me. By the time he looked at me, I still had nothing to say, so I asked him a question.
“What do you mean by ‘searched for your whole life,'” I said, hoping to deflect the question.
“What do you think it means,” he retorted.
“Hmm,” I said before I answered. “Well, if you mean, what have I been interested in for most of my life, I can tell you that,” I offered. “I don’t know if I have been necessarily searching for anything my whole life.”
“Okay,” he said.
“Well, when I was six years old or so, I knew that I wanted to be writer,” I said. “Shortly after that, I liked this little boy in my first grade class named ‘Jimmy,’ and I knew from then on that I liked boys too. And after I graduated college, I became interested in God.”
Everyone chuckled! Yeah, I’m an amateur, very amateur, comedian!

So there you have it. Writing, Boys & God. Even today and to my sometime dismay, I find myself thinking about one of those three categories, if you will, most of the time. (You’re probably laughing or at least smiling as you read this. Hopefully…)

But the really funny thing is because God is God and He is all knowing, He knew how to get my attention in 1996 when I decided to rededicate my life to Jesus Christ just after graduating from college. He managed to combine all three of my loves to solidify my seedling faith. Shortly after my altar call experience (you can read about my experience on the What page of this blog. Check the excerpt link. ), Tupac Shakur, the best rapper ever, was shot on my birthday. (I still have a life-sized poster of him in my office. The image of which appears in this post!) Tragically, about a week later, he died. I decided I wanted to write a novel based on the life of the rapper, but I realized that I knew very little about the history of rap and hip hop. A friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his who was virtually a walking encyclopedia about rap and hip hop. At a downtown Atlanta coffeehouse one night, we discussed the history of rap and hip hop while I took notes. And although I was listening to him, I couldn’t help but notice his milk chocolate skin,  curly black hair and deep voice. And later in the conversation, I discovered he was a Christian – and a real one at that – like my parents even. I mean he actually read the Bible, prayed, submitted his life to God and went to church on a regular basis. Yep, I had a big ole crush by the end of the night.

And while we were never “boyfriend and girlfriend,” we went out on a few dates. During those dates, he got his “witness” on, and we discussed what having a personal relationship with God looked like, how to pray and have a regular devotional time, and how to be a cool Christian. I was so gone! (That means, I was really diggin’ him for real!”) My parents were amazed to find me at the kitchen table reading the Bible from time to time when I used to sleep through the sermons at church almost each and every Sunday for years- little did they know that I was reading up to debate scripture on dates! I was still living at home then.)

Eventually though, he went on a “woman fast” and decided to stop going on dates with several women, including me, for a while. (Okay, I really thought he was just riding with me, but that’s another story for another day.) However, we remained cordial, and he took me to a Christian hip hop convention, CRU-VENTION ’97, where I discovered that he wasn’t the only man out there who was cute, had swagger and actually sold out to Jesus Christ! It was crazy. And I decided then, that I could really follow Jesus – no turning back, no turning back (A take off on the hymn “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.”)

This story, in its more descriptive and eloquent entirety, is told in the chapter, “God Can Speak Through Cute Boys” in the book “After the Altar Call: A Young Black Woman’s Journey of Faith.” You can read it once the book is published. Again, does anyone have the hook up?

Any thoughts?

P.S. I never did write that novel based on Tupac Shakur, but as I said before, as I have a life-sized poster of him in my office, he is never far from my memory.  R.I.P. Tupac! 1971-1996

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A Man Fast…

Hello World!!!

Since time permits me from writing my usual magnum opus (just kidding), I have decided to dash off a quick but hopefully punchy post. Hopefully, the topic will be meaty enough to inspire your thoughts and your comments. (PLEASE post your comments. It helps my self esteem:))

So here goes. In recent years, I have taken periodic breaks from dating. One of my friends humorously refers to these breaks as my man fasts. Whenever I feel like I’ve become obsessed with finding “The One,” dated a “wildly inappropriate” man or found myself at the end of a gut-wrenching relationship, I’ve found it helpful to allow my heart to simply rest. During these breaks, I try to reflect on how I may have contributed positively or negatively to the relationship, read numerous relationships books (Remember “He’s Just Not That Into You.”); and reflect on God’s will for my life in the area of romantic relationships. Usually, these man fasts last about six months. I usually rebel at the start of my fasts, but by the end of these fasts, I feel like I’ve given myself a priceless gift – the gift of solitude. And as an added bonus, I have found that the next man that comes along is higher up the man food chain, if you know what I mean. Maybe because I’m choosing out of a place of peace rather than desperation…I don’t know…I have found that inner work precedes outer results.

Anyway, my friend, Soul Daddy (check out his Web site at souldaddymusic.com), sent me a link to an article in which a Christian comedian discussed the pitfalls of her online dating. However, the main point of the article that struck me was how she decided to forgo dating for a while. By the end of the article, she was happily married. And yes, I do want to be married someday, and I do believe my man fasts are leading me in this direction. (Even if my friends make fun of me!)

Read the MSN article below. It’s a very easy read. Any thoughts?

Can faith & online dating mix?

By Jennifer Derryberry Mann

Online dating gives us the unique chance to choose our potential dates—a particularly big challenge for those of us who value religion anda chiseled upper body. No one knows that better than Kerri Pomarolli (www.kerripom.com), the author of If I’m Waiting on God, Then What Am I Doing in a Christian Chatroom?In the book, she offers up true tales of her online dating experiences… like clicking on the hotties instead of the guys who shared her faith. Now an advocate for trusting God and using dating sites with a clear purpose in mind, she doesn’t claim to have the recipe for love, but she does have a few guidelines for single Christians online.

Q: What does it mean to be “waiting on God”?
A: For me, waiting on God was about getting to a place where finding a husband didn’t run my life. I couldn’t go three minutes without thinking about getting a date, and eventually I took a year-long hiatus from dating, which let me prepare for what God had in store for me. I don’t think we give God enough credit in our dating lives. We’re like, “I’ll do this, Lord, and then You just bless it.” And God’s like, “Hey, Kerri, I parted the Red Sea. I think I can find you a husband.”

Q: What mistakes did you make when you dated online?
A:My heart was totally in the wrong place. I didn’t pray about it. I was never intentional or really thoughtful about online dating. The first time I logged into a dating site was at 2 a.m. after having run into my ex and his fiancée on my birthday. I’d look at the pictures first and skip the profiles if the guys weren’t hot. I wanted an investment banker who looked like an Abercrombie model. But when it came time to pray, those guys thought I was a zealot.

Q: What are some other unexpected wrong moves people might make?
A:Saving yourself emotionally for marriage is important. For the longest time, I’d spill everything on the first date: Here are my hopes and dreams, here’s my heart. When you break up with me, you can crumple it up and give it back to me. Online, especially, it’s so easy and tempting to be free and not hold anything back. I found out the hard way that you don’t have to be physically promiscuous to be vulnerable. How are you going to feel if you’vehad these soul-searching conversations, and then he stops returning your calls? Also, if you’re obsessive-compulsive about online dating, like I was at times, you might want to have a sponsor. It’s good to have friends who can hold you accountable, so they can ask, “How many hours were you on today?”

Q: What finally changed for you?
A: I started crying out to God for real help and understanding. I changed, and I did it without losing any of the things that God loves about me—not my fun, or my spontaneity, or my spark. I got to six months of not dating, and I was amazed that I was OK when I found myself at home on a Friday night with no date. That’s a secret struggle for so many of us, but God’s message is that He’s there and that we’re never alone.

Q: So how did you finally meet the man you married?
A:One guy I met through onlinedating became a friend of mine, and he actually introduced me to my husband out in the real world. I met Ron on a comedy trip. He was this token Irish comic, wearing a red Hawaiian shirt, shorts, black socks—the worst! But he and Rich, our mutual friend, prayed for me before the show, and I thought that was the coolest. We became friends. Later, when we were traveling together on another trip, he brought my favorite doughnuts, and we were having a great time laughing and joking. I’d never wanted to date “the nice guy.” By the time that trip was over, I’d fallen and was like, “This is crazy, God!” I had been on a dating hiatus for about a year. I’d broken all my rules — never date a friend, never date a comic — but he was just so thoughtful. He called my father to ask for permission to date me. I never give guys like that the time of day, and there’s no way I would have seen Ron in that romantic way if I hadn’t had my eyes on God. But I did!

Jennifer Derryberry Mann is a columnist for Spirituality & Health magazine and the former editor of Science & Spirit magazine. She writes, edits and teaches yoga in Minneapolis.

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35 is…All the Way Live?!

Hello World!!!

“Forty is so old the only time I will ever be referred to as a young man for the rest of my life is if I die at 40,” said comedian Chris Rock in an interview with the now deceased Ed Bradley of “60 Minutes” on the night before Rock hosted the Oscars in 2005.

     As I write this post on my 35th b-day, all I can say is at least I’m not 40…Now my blog is supposed to be about faith after the altar call, and a post about my birthday may seem to be off topic – but it’s really not when I think about it. If I’m supposed to believe that life is supposed to get better, rather than worse, after 35, that’s a real act of faith (at least for me).

     Five years ago, just a month or so before my 30th b-day, my father and I sat in the living room of my parents’ home and talked about my impending b-day. As we talked, tears fell down my face. Yes, it really happened! My dad, a sympathetic man in most cases, looked at me as his head turned sideways and said, “What’s going to happen when you really get old?” I said nothing as the tears continued to slide down my face.

     A few months after I turned 30, the movie “13 Going on 30” starring Jennifer Garner came out. I ADORED the movie for many reasons!!! (If you haven’t seen it, you must – particularly if you are nearing 30 years old.) But my absolute favorite thing about the movie was this slogan “Thirty, Flirty and Thriving!” After I saw the movie, I said to myself, “Well maybe 30 isn’t so bad.”

     Today, five years later, I wonder what slogan or quip will help me frame this b-day in my mind. I’ve decided that “35 is all the way Live!” Can I get a loud “Amen?” (Maybe that will help me really believe it, ha,ha.) Seriously though, as I have pondered this birthday almost since just after I turned 34 years old, I have wondered how I’m supposed to see things. Let’s face it. Yes, I have advanced in my career (at least somewhat). Yes, I know more about myself than I ever have. Yes, I know God…But is that supposed to make up for rapidly graying hair that I have been dying cherry red almost since just after I turned 30? (My family grays early.) Is that supposed to make up for skin that already is starting to look not as taut although I work out on a regular basis? Is that supposed to make up for the fact that when me and my girls go out and try to “style and profile,” there is a group of similar girls that are hotter than we are just because they are still in their 20s? Goodness, I sound shallow, but don’t act like you haven’t had similar thoughts if you’re a female…self awareness ain’t everything!!!

     Jokes aside, yes, there are some downsides to getting older, but I actually do cherish the fact that I’m more confident in my own skin than I was in my ’20s although the previous paragraphs don’t support that. And for the record, I look 10 years younger anyway, according to a college student I met yesterday at a journalism convention. When I told her that my 35th b-day was the next day, unprompted, she said, “Wow, I thought you were 25!” I wanted to hug her. (Ironically, her name is Imani-so maybe that was God’s way of giving me a dose of faith after all, ha,ha!) But back to my more philosophical conclusion, I do revel in the fact that I’m more confident in my own skin than I have ever been before, and I thank God that He continues to reveal more to me about true self everyday and His purpose for my life- if that makes sense.

     So in keeping with my made up slogan, I have decided to be who I truly am – without apology or affectedness. What does that mean? For me, that means I will be the same person wherever I go…I have this habit of tailoring myself to fit whatever crowd I’m hanging out with at a given time – sometimes that’s the “cool” crowd or the “not so cool” crowd. (Yes, an element of that, unfortunately, still exists after high school.) Sometimes, it’s the black crowd and sometimes it’s the not black crowd. Sometimes, it’s the “Godly” crowd, sometimes it’s the “not so Godly” crowd.   I’m not going to do that anymore – or at least I will try.

     I just want to be me…I just want to live the way I truly am on the inside. I just want to be person that God has created me to be. Maybe “35 is all the way Live!” As you ponder that, check out this song, “It’s all the Way Live,” by Lakeside below. Any thoughts?