Tag Archives: relationships

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A NEW YEAR IS HERE…And what are you gonna do about it?

Hello World, valorieandnewhubby

I know I haven’t written about it yet, but I am well aware that God has blessed us to see a New Year – 2014...It takes me a month of prayer and meditation to discern what resolutions and or goals that God wants to help me reach for this year so I’m not quite ready to write a New Year’s Goals or Resolutions post yet…but I found this great blog post by (the recently married 🙂 Congrats!) Valorie Burton, a life coach and author, that I interviewed in my book “After the Altar Call: The Sisters’ Guide to Developing a Personal Relationship With God.” Enjoy….

“What is it finally time for you to do?” It’s a great question for the beginning of the year. Perhaps there is something you’ve been talking about doing, thinking about doing, even daydreaming about doing. And in 2014, it’s time to make a move! A few years ago, I discovered a scripture in Ecclesiastes 5:3 that inspires me whenever I get stuck in a rut of over-thinking my vision in a particular area of my life:

“A dream comes through much activity, but a fool is known by his many words.”

Whether your dream is related to your work, relationships, finances, health or spiritual life, it will only come to life when you take action! So what is it time for you to take action on? Consider these examples to help you identify what it’s time for you to take action on in 2014:

Your Work

– Is it time to change jobs? Change careers? Ask for a raise? Launch your own business? Take your existing business to a new level.

Your Relationships

– Is it time to move past fears or past heartbreaks so that you are healthy and ready for love in your life? Is it time to forgive a family member or friend against whom you’ve been holding a grudge? Is it time to carve out more time for the people you love? Is there a conversation that’s long overdue?

Your Finances

– Is it time to stop using those credit cards that you don’t pay in full every month? Is it time to set up an automatic debit from your checking into an investment account so that you can finally bring your savings goals to life this year? Is it time to take action towards getting more (and better) clients or customers? Is it time to stop spending money to impress others?

Your Health

– Is it finally time to get serious about exercising consistently? Or is it time to cut back on the sugar or fried foods, or add more vegetables to your diet?

Your Spiritual Life

– Is it time to trust God in a particular situation or area of your life? Do you finally need to find a “church home” that nourishes you in the way that you need to be nourished? Is it time to get serious about studying the Word?

Whatever it’s finally time for you to do, make a decision this week to do it. It’s not about creating a New Year’s resolution. It’s about making a shift and recognizing that the time has come for a change. If you ignore the need for a change when it’s time, you will find yourself increasingly frustrated with the situation. Often God will allow you to get frustrated so that you will finally become fed up enough to do something about it! Your dreams can come true, but your job is to take action! It begins with a decision and continues with each step you take forward.

It is essential not to begin the year by overwhelming yourself with multiple, large changes and goals. Get clear about what’s most important and focus your actions on it.

My challenge to you this week:

Identify the “thing” that it is finally time for you to do. Then take action!

Journaling assignment:

What has kept me from taking action on this particular circumstance or issue in the past? What will I need to do differently to make it easier for me to accomplish my goal? What is my goal in this area for 2014? Leave your comments below, I’d love to hear from you!

Last year, my major goal was to plan a beautiful engagement/wedding/honeymoon and start a wonderful new life with my husband, and God really blew me away…Thank you God! This year, my major career goal is to finish my first novel, etc. which I must confess is really challenging me…but I am working on it although I have the worst habit of taking on too many things at once and being a procrastinator at the same time…a deadly combo…So in the words of Valorie Burton, what is the “the ‘thing’ that it is finally time for you to do?”

Any thoughts?

Below is a video of Valorie Burton speaking about her latest book “Happy Women Live Better.”

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My Soul Looks Back in Wonder…Good-Bye 2012…(I’m Engaged!)

Hello World,

My ring atop my favorite Bible…

A man at one of the courthouses I go to for my job came up to me as 2011 came to a close and said, “As good as 2011 was for you, I hope that 2012 is even better.” As he said those optimistic words, my ears tingled because I believe that God was speaking prophetically through this man to me, and I was excited about what was to come. And indeed though 2011 was very good, 2012 was even better. Many of those reasons were highlighted in the post “12 Reasons I’m Thankful for 2012…,” which I wrote last month…

Who know that God would bless me with more in December? As December is the month that the world pauses to celebrate the birth of my Savior, it is one of my favorite times of the year, and I was content to celebrate it as I have for many years – pondering Emmanuel at church, scurrying around the malls of Atlanta hunting for the perfect gifts for family and friends and opening gifts around the tree…But on Christmas Eve, my boyfriend R. (now fiance’…Wow…) asked to marry me, and I said, “Yes.”

Stop the presses…

It’s funny how quickly life can change…In 2009, in one of my favorite posts “Hope. Wish.. Pray
” I wrote about two dreams that had been deferred no matter what I seemed to do, but I never revealed what those dreams were…Well, now I’m ready to reveal them…I wanted to be a published author, and I wanted to be in a relationship that led to marriage…And wonders of wonders…Here I am at the close of 2012 – engaged and published…

So what’s next…

Y’all pray for me, and pray for R. If you’ve read any of my relationship posts, y’all know that relationships have never been easy for me. Some women seem to be have been born knowing how to be coupled up…I am not one of them…In fact, if you want to get a better idea of the angst that I have felt around romantic relationships, these are just three of the blog posts that you have to read…

“Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Can’t Find a Man? THE DEBATE”

“Alert: Black Men Are Officially on the Endangered Species List and other useless propaganda…” (Also, two of those women in the video are now married. 🙂 )

“So is the black church keeping black women single and lonely?”

We have not set a date…We’ve got a marriage and a wedding to plan…so that’s it and that’s all…

Any thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

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We Are Single Because We Want To Be…

Hello World!!!

Aside from reading Charlayne Hunter-Gault’s memoir, I also carved some time out of my vacation to finally read Sex and the City by Candace Bushnell. While I devoured the hit show when it was on HBO, and I now savor the reruns, I had never read the actual book that inspired the groundbreaking show before a few weeks ago.

In the Introduction, Bushnell said the book’s central theme is the answer to this question – Why Are We Still Single?  This is her answer – “Now, with a few years’ perspective on this issue, I can safely conclude that we are single because we want to be.”

Wow! Since reading that statement, I have been digesting what that means to me and my other still single girlfriends. Just before I read the book, maybe a few days before even, the church pianist came up to me after church one Sunday and said something like, “When are you getting married? I’m trying to hold on so I can play at your wedding.” A guy who was nearby said, “I’ve asked her out, but she won’t go out with me.” The church pianist then said, “Oh, she’d be married by now if she wanted to be.” And my dear old Dad has pointed out to me recently that I have made ambivalent statements about being shackled..er…hitched.

So what am I saying? Gather any group of 30ish women for more than 20 minutes and the conversation will eventually shift toward a discussion about relationships. My girlfriends and I are no different. Since we crossed the 30-year-old threshold, we have discussed relationships with a urgency that wasn’t present a decade earlier. It’s not that we define ourselves singularly by our romantic relationships, but having a rich and rewarding partnership with a significant other is important. A 40ish, single friend of mine said a lot of it is biological; she has assured me that if I reach my 40s without being married, that desire will not be as strong. To that I say maybe so, but I’m not there yet.

But even as we desire to floss that rock, bag a husband and retire to the burbs, I wonder if some of us are really ambivalent about the whole thing. To that end, I have compiled a list of 10 actions that may prove that you are secretly ambivalent about the husband hunt.  As they say, “actions do speak louder than words.” These are in no particular order. Also, I will not disclose the actions I have taken…hey you gotta keep something to yourself.

1. You live in the A. Some of my friends are seriously considering moving to another city because they believe that the wealth of women in the city prevent the menfolk from having class in dating in general or from having to make any real commitments. Asking a girl over to your home for a 1 a.m. drink is not anyone’s idea of a romantic first date. Trust me, it’s all downhill from there…

2. You date bad boys and try to make them into church-going deacons. If you met a dude in the club, it’s possible that you can get him to go to church with you. (Hey, I’ve been known to stumble in at daylight Sunday morning, nod off for a hours, and head back out to the mid-morning church service.) But if you make this a habit, this action says more about you than it does about the guy. Marinate on this for a minute…

3. You date self-professed, commitment-phobes. Hmm, I’ve come to believe that if someone tells who he is, you’d be smart to believe him.

4. You constantly date guys that live out of state. What’s up with that? Is it because there are no good guys around or are you somehow unavailable at a deeper level?

5. You run from guys that like you, but chase after the ones that don’t want to be caught. The “thrill of the chase” really sucks…

6. You have a long list of requirements that no one, save Barack Obama (hey Michelle already got that on lock), can measure up to. “Something New” is a good movie about throwing your so-called requirements out the window and actually accepting what you need rather than what you think you want in a man.

7. You blame your dating history on your dating partners rather than occasionally looking at your side of the street. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Get a grip. Sometimes, YOU are the problem.

8. You’re desperate. Yeah, I want to get married some day, but I enjoy my own company. I mean, chill.

9. You’re mean. I really think that like attracts like. In my humble opinion, if you manage to be loving to all people whether it be the guy that keeps offering to wash your windshield at a downtown intersection to your backbiting co-worker, then I believe that you will attract love – romantic and otherwise.

10. You forget to pray. If you’re a Christian, this means that you have to have a dialogue with God about what His will is for your life. It may or may not include a husband. Them’s the breaks.

Hey, I’m no counselor or therapist, but I think I could be right here. What do you think?

Any thoughts?

P.S.  This is 10.5. You date a guy simply because he looks like Tupac. You rationalize that he will eventually get a house, a car and a clue…Hey at 25, this is fun…at 35, not so much…:)

P.P.S. Guys please comment!!!