Posted on Saturday, August 29, 2009

Your Turn: A Closeted Virgin Speaks Out…

Hello World!!!

Guess what y’all?! It’s my second installment of “Your Turn,” through which people with interesting insights and views post THEIR stories on my blog…I’ve had this post for over a month now and because of my busy schedule and good ole-fashioned procrastination, I neglected to get this post up…Sooo here goes…Calling all virgins out there? Can you hear me? Raise your hands if you are a virgin! I can’t see anybody of course as I’m sitting at my computer, but I imagine there are very few virgins out there past the age of 22 or so…And if you are a Christian and have been since you were a teenager, you are supposed to be one according to the Bible’s views on premarital sex…But as someone who grew up in the church and have known others who have grown up in the church, I know there are very few out there…

But I do know One…And on the condition of anonymity, I convinced him to share his views on being a virgin well into his adulthood…and for the record, he’s not an ogre…he’s actually quite handsome, but I will let him tell you all about it in his own words…

She was a walking rap video, with proportions so ideal that they seemed surreal. A living and breathing fantasy, her slim waist, curvaceous hips and perfect planetary backside made me shake my head each time I looked her way…

“Concentrate on her eyes…,” I reminded myself as she lay beside me, attentively waiting for the announcement that I promised to make. “Uhhh,” I uttered as I cleared my throat.

“When…when I was 13 years old, that’s when I became a Christian…”

“Yes,” she said, interrupting my words.

“And…,” I continued. “Well, that’s when I made certain promises to GOD to not get high or drunk and to not have sex until I was married.”

She laughed. “I made those promises too…”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked her squarely in the eyes. “But I haven’t broken any of them.”

Silence.

“Wait, so you’re saying…Are you saying you’re a virgin?”

I was 30 years old then…I’ve had this conversation with so many women, both churchgoing and otherwise, and the reaction is always some kind of meltdown. It makes me reluctant to share it anymore. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about specifically identifying myself publicly as a virgin, but the older I get, the more it complicates my relationships with people. People who aren’t Christians don’t understand. But I wouldn’t expect them to..

Church folk, on the other hand,..well, they say they believe this is right. But let them find out you’re a virgin in his 30s and they act like something is wrong with you. They either act like you’re the guy from “The 40 Year Old Virgin” movie or you’re just a freak – like you can’t choose to not have sex. In their minds, only two options exist: You either have to be a lame or a misfit.

Virginity is, of course, a complicated issue. I understand that. But I know a few other Christian men who are virgins (older than I am), and they’ve stopped telling church folk altogether…

These days, I often let people think I’m a lothario, as that’s generally what they assume anyway because of my ease with women. The only people who know that I’m a virgin are the women I date –and even they don’t know right away.

And it’s all because of these crazy reactions…For a while, because women in the church were so averse to this news, I tried dating women who didn’t go to church…

I think of the girl who fell to her knees, naked, crying. “What’s wrong with you,” she said as the tears flowed. “Why won’t you $%*@ me?” Or the stripper who found that she was aroused by a “dominant virgin” fantasy when she found that out that she couldn’t punk me.

And then when I did date church women, the response wasn’t that much better…They said they agreed with me on this matter but attempted to tempt me by degrees: “We don’t have to do anything. Just take your pants off…”

I reflect upon these experiences: all the women I’ve loved, all the women I’ve tenderly kissed and all the women I’ve just “made out” with…And somehow, I wonder what it all means…What does it mean that these women have passed through my life? What does it mean that women have learned to equate their worth and sense of power with their ability to grant or deny sex?

At times, I feel very alone in this journey. Occasionally, I feel disappointed in GOD. I wanted to be married by now. I did not expect to be alienated by church folk for obeying what they taught me. And more than that, if GOD wanted me to preserve myself sexually, then why does sexual energy come so easily to me? Why do I love women’s bodies so much? Why do I know how to kiss a women’s neck, touch the small of her back or speak deeply into her ear in just the right way?

These things come naturally to me…All I can think is, because sex is such a driving force in my life, it means something to GOD that I’ve been able to sacrifice it to Him.

I love women’s bodies. I love how they look, how they feel pressed close to me and I really love the idea of sex.

But I love GOD more…

And yes, I’m tired of waiting…so what’s up with your homegirl?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Sunday, August 23, 2009

Bad Girl Gone Good: Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth

Hello World!!!

Before I get into the topic at hand, were you out last night in the A? It was actually chilly and windy. My thin-strapped bubble dress was not holding up in the night air…could it be that fall is upon us…could it be that my b-day is in a couple of weeks? The answer to both questions is a resounding, “Yes!” (Read: You still have time to buy a b-day gift for me…gift cards are cool too 🙂 )

Okay, the topic of the day – Have you heard the news? Y’all would never guess who has enrolled in seminary…Yes, that’s right…Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth – that crazy chick from Donald Trump’s reality show “The Apprentice.” I watch very few reality shows, but I remember watching her on that show. She was the ultimate “mean girl” and after a while, she became the reason that everyone tuned in. Most people would not admit it, but I think many of us got a vicarious thrill from watching her be catty and snooty. I imagine her demeanor will change now that she is officially a student at United Theological Seminary in Ohio. She is seeking a doctor of ministry degree. Her Web site is hilarious. She has two categories on her Web site: naughty and nice. On the nice page, she is dressed in a white flowly gown with her hands outstretched presumably pointed to heaven. I guess she is dressed as an angel. Well, on the naughty page, she is undoubtedly dressed as a devil. She has horns on her head and is in some red pleather get-up with her stomach showing.

I wonder if she plans to become a minister. Don’t laugh…stranger things have happened…Have you heard of Saul on the road to Damascus in the Bible? This guy, who was known for killing Christians, actually became one of the Bible’s most famous ministers of the gospel. He actually has his own page on Wikipedia! All of this has me thinking about the qualities that make a good pastor or minister…

What do you look for? Do you want a minister who had a dramatic conversion experience like Paul or even Al Green? Apparently, he decided to become a minister not long after a pan of boiling grits was poured on him. Do you like a minister that can relate to young people? I’m sure that Rev. Run does not have a hard time relating to the youth. Does your minister have to be a bad girl gone good like Denise Matthews formerly of Vanity 6? Apparently, she is now an evangelist.

Celebrities aside, what do you look for in a pastor or a minister? Some people don’t believe that pastors should be women? Do you feel a pastor or minister should have a seminary degree? Is it important that a pastor have lived a rough life before being called to ministry? Or should a pastor be someone who was raised in the church and never strayed? Do your ministers have to be the same race that you are or have the same socioeconomic background that you have? Do your pastors have to drive luxury vehicles or be married? Do your pastors have to be young with fresh ideas or old with time-tested beliefs?

In a previous post, I blogged about what people look for a church. In many cases, it is the pastor and or ministers that make the difference for some people.

Any thoughts?

Posted on Wednesday, August 19, 2009

“Julie & Julia” – my first artist date in a while…

A Valentine Days card from Julia & Paul Child! How erotica and innocent at the same time! Who woulda thunk it?

A Valentine Day's card from Julia & Paul Child! How erotic and innocent at the same time! Who woulda thunk it?

Hello World!!!

So a few posts back, I lamented over the fact that I had writer’s block and couldn’t think of a thing to blog about. I also wrote about the fact that I have neglected one of the two basic tools that I learned about when I took a class on The Artist’s Way some years ago. The basic tool that I am referring to is the artist date. An artist date is a “block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist.” And as a rule, you must be alone with “your artist” on the date – that means no boyfriends, children, etc. According to the principles of the “The Artist’s Way, ” a book written by Julia Cameron, you can actually “hear” solutions to problems that your inner artist may have considering…

So all of that to say, my artist and I (read Jackie by her lonesome) decided to see the movie “Julie & Julia” Saturday night. We LOVED it!!! This movie is about Julie Powell’s quest to discover herself as she approaches her thirtieth birthday (I cannot believe I will be 36 years old in a few weeks…GULP). The frustrated writer, at the suggestion of her so supportive husband, decides to start blogging. (Something sounds sooo familiar…) Unsure of what to blog about, she decides to blog about her quest to cook her way through Julia Child’s book “Mastering the Art of French Cooking.” She decides she will cook all of the recipes in a year! A gutsy and innovative task to say the least!

There were so many aspects of the film that captured me. First of all, as someone who really enjoys eating, I was enthralled with that aspect of the movie…I think it is entirely possible to experience heaven in your mouth! I also know what it’s like to feel frustrated as a writer. While I have wanted to be a “writer” since I was six years old, I still don’t feel quite successful…Yes, I have written for magazines, newspapers, Web sites, etc., but I have yet to achieve my ultimate dream of becoming a published book author. (Yes, I know I can self publish…I don’t wanna – read: whine, whine, rant, rant.) I was especially encouraged that Julia’s blogging eventually resulted in a book deal! (Oh God, please let happen to me…) But I was most captivated by the illumination of Julia Child’s marriage in the movie.

While Julie’s blogging provided the framework for the movie, the movie was also a biography of Julia Child’s life and went back and forth between the lives of the two women. The marriages of both women were explored in the movie, but Julia Child’s marriage was most surprising…I don’t think I ever tried to watch Julia Child on television but I do vaguely remember seeing her on television and seeing others imitate her as well. Remember when Cliff Huxtable imitated her on “The Cosby Show?” With her weird voice, box-shaped body, looming height and boring hairstyle, one would have guessed that she wasn’t married…Or at least I did.

But not only was she married, Julia and her husband Paul Child had a hot and sweaty love life…(Sidebar: Have I mentioned Meryl Streep yet? She is my favorite actress at this point! She literally becomes each character that she plays. Her depiction of Julia Child is brilliant.) Apparently, the two married when she was in her mid ’30s…They lived in Paris for a while as her husband was stationed there as an employee of the U.S. Department of State. While in Paris, Julia attended the famous Le Cordon Bleu cooking school and subsequently decided to write a French cooking book in English. Her maddening struggle to write the book and find a publisher for the book also resonated with me.

By the end of the movie, my artist was very happy. From the movie, I learned that it is possible to get a book deal from a blog(oh pleazz, God!), one does not always have to be a frustrated writer, there is somebody out there for everyone even those that society may deem weird or unattractive and that I have no desire to cook an entree with more than 10 ingredients and or steps.

Finally, I bought yet another relationship book on Saturday night….(ugh!) According to this latest book, I am a latent commitment phobe – go figure…that does it! I have now bought my last relationship book….For some reason, over the past six years or so, I have become obsessed with relationship books…how to catch a man, keep a man, etc…I am so over it at this point.

Maybe if I get married, I will buy another one…but as a single woman, I am done with the relationship books. In fact, I told a friend last night that I may box them up and give them away. She said that she wants to look through them

As alluring as this book sounds, I will not be buying this book or any other relationship books anymore!

first…Aaah, I may not be ready to box them up yet, but I won’t be buying them anymore. This reminds of the time that I gave away my calorie counting books in my ’20s. I finally surrended my weight to God back then, and I haven’t looked back…(And if you are wondering, I didn’t get fat!) Maybe this is what my latest declaration is about…I’ll let you know. 🙂

Any thoughts?