Hello World,

Wedding planning is going to be the death of me…Well, I hope not…But I feel like that sometimes…So far I have only written two posts about wedding planning since R. and I got engaged in December 2012…

One of the pics from our engagement photos…It captures how I have felt for the most part as I have been wedding planning…I’m wearing our wedding colors fuchsia and orange…

“The Wedding Industry Heist aka maybe I should I go in the wedding planning business”

and

“Planning & Stressing…”

I think I have demonstrated incredible restraint in only writing two posts because trust me I could written a lot more posts on wedding planning based on just my topsy-turvy emotions alone…I have cried…I have stayed up all night wedding planning energized by excitement not by coffee…I have cursed people to the depths of hell and lifted them up in prayer..It’s quite funny actually, but I’m not laughing…Hopefully, I will be able to laugh when it’s all over…On the other hand, as a writer, I’m a lifelong student of life, and I have learned so very much which I hope will provide inspiration for future blog posts, essays and maybe even books…

This morning as I wrote this post,  I am perturbed about yet another issue which I am not at liberty to expound upon right now, but trust I will tell more later…however, for current and future brides, here are a few lessons I have learned thus far…And I still have about a couple of weeks to go, so pray for me if I happen to cross your mind…So here goes…

1. Revel in your wedding planning and don’t let anyone (even your non-planning fiance’) steal your wedding planning joy…I know that many women began wedding planning when they were little girls after reading Cinderella and similar fairy tales. I was not one of them…After reading Cinderella and other childhood stories, I began wondering how I could weave together such wonderful stories so I dreamed about being an author and journalist…(And God allowed those dreams to come true…THANK YOU GOD) So I came to this process completely unaware of any latent desires about a wedding…In fact, when I had thought about my wedding day in years past, I pictured a simple ceremony on some faraway beach with just a few people…no fuss and no muss…But as I started planning, I realized that I wanted to have a big ole party in the city that helped raise me…I love Atlanta, and I wanted it to be a big part of the Big Day…Also, I realized that I wanted to be a real bride and look like one…expensive dress and all…I think my fiance’ is surprised about how much time and energy I have devoted to wedding planning…In some ways, it has felt like when I was planning for my book release…I guess I just love projects and this has become one…

2. Have a budget…Now I know I just said revel in wedding planning and talked about my expensive wedding dress and having a big ole party…but I have had a budget since the beginning and have been meticulous in sticking to my budget and keeping track of every penny spent…I just don’t get people who think it’s okay to owe for a wedding after the wedding date has passed…I recommend planning according to the funds you have available so that means you have to prioritize…For instance, my wedding shoes cost less than $20 with shipping and handling…I reasoned that no one will be able to see my shoes anyway because my wedding dress which cost almost a grand (including the price of alterations) will cover them…Now for some people a $1,000 wedding dress is not a big deal, but I for me, it was a whopper..In fact, when the lady at the bridal store told me how my dress cost, I started crying…I’m not kidding…I had to rush out of the store I was so embarrassed…On the other hand, you have to realize that in some cases, you get what you pay for…I bought a $10 wedding veil, and I realized after receiving it the mail that it just wouldn’t do…

3. Internet Surf…God bless the creators of the Internet…It has been an invaluable source of information as I have dreamed about our wedding day…You can pilfer ideas from brides from everywhere…I have been inspired by and learned from what I have seen on Black Bridal Bliss, the Just Engaged and Bridal Bliss sections of Essence.com, and The Bride’s Cafe just to name a few…I have read forums about everything from shady vendors to wedding ring comparisons on The Knot and Wedding Wire…I wonder what brides did before these online resources…

4. RESEARCH, RESEARCH & MORE RESEARCH…Before you hire vendors please research them online…start with the Better Business Bureau, then check out the various wedding forums, hit their Facebook and Twitter accounts and then just a regular ole Google search…Read reviews (I plan on reviewing all of our vendors after the wedding)…trust your intuition but back it up with good old-fashioned recommendations…We work too hard for our money to give it  away to unscrupulous people who want to capitalize on our sometimes unstable emotional state as brides…

5. Life is too short to work with someone you don’t like or who doesn’t like you…I learned this lesson in a home-buying seminar years ago as I prepared to buy my home…In this world, you will inevitably not like someone and vice versa…There may be nothing wrong with that person just like there is nothing wrong with you…Don’t beat yourself up about it…If you find yourself bending over backward to be nice to someone and that person continues to act irritated with you despite your efforts to be nice, just move on…(the same principle can be applied in dating too)…Even if that person is a good business person so what, there are too many others out there to work with…work with someone that you like that likes you back…I’m not saying it has to be a love fest, but you will have to be in close contact with various vendors over the course of several months so being comfortable with your vendors is absolutely necessary…

6. Remember to include your fiance’…This lesson should be a no brainer, but I have forgotten sometimes…My fiance’ is pretty busy right now…He is trying to launch a new career and is in school and he is working as well so that has left a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts…So sometimes I have forgotten to ask his opinion about various things…and as it turns out, he does have some opinions about some aspects of the wedding although he is a manly type of dude and doesn’t get into the frou frou stuff…He has had strong opinions about the wedding guests, who is allowed to sing at the ceremony and how vendors treat us…We walked out the first tux store we went to because he felt that they took too long to acknowledge our presence…

7. None of this means nothing if you are not planning your marriage too…The first thing I did as I started planning our wedding was researching counselors, ministers, pastors, etc. for premarital counseling…I think it’s ludicrous to plan a wedding, which lasts for one day, and not plan for the days afterward which could drag on forever in a bad way if you failed to plan…If you fail to plan, you plan to fail as they say…Also, I have started reading “Wedding Cake for Breakfast: Essays on the Unforgettable First Year of Marriage” edited by Kim Perel and Wendy Sherman…I have heard the first year is what you have to go through to actually being married happily ever after so I want to be ready…

I have learned more lessons as well but these lessons, I think, are most critical to grasp…Also, I ran across this video yesterday…This young woman’s father is suffering from pancreatic cancer…Although she is not a bride yet and is not even dating anyone, she fantasized about her wedding dance with her father and decided to create that experience in case years from now, her father is not there…I’m a pretty emotional person anyway, but I think even the most stoic will shed a tear after watching this…To read the full story, go to ABC News.