Posted on Sunday, June 17, 2012

A Father’s Day Testimony…

Hello World,

A one-year-old DeVon Franklin celebrating his birthday with his father...

Happy Father’s Day to all of the wonderful fathers in the world especially my dear ole Daddy 🙂 And here is my testimony about my father “Color Him Father, Color Him Love.” Unfortunately, not everyone has a father to which they can wish Happy Father’s Day, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t live on in their hearts or influence their actions although they are gone…

The father of DeVon Franklin, vice president of production for Columbia Pictures, died when Franklin was a child after having a heart attack. In his book/testimony “Produced By Faith: Enjoy Real Success Without Losing Your True Self,” Franklin shares memories about his father who also suffered from alcoholism and how his father’s life and death influence him even now…Franklin, who will be featured on Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday” today at 11 a.m./1o a.m. C.S.T., candidly admitted on his Facebook page how being on this show on Father’s Day (also his father’s birthday) has affected him…

ALCOHOL ABUSE + AMBITION proved to be a lethal combination. My dad died at the age of 36 when I was only 8 years old. This is a picture of me and my Dad, celebrating my first birthday. When I got word from Oprah’s network that my interview with Oprah would air on Sunday, June 17…it nearly brought me to tears. Why? Because June 17th is not only Father’s Day, but it is my Dad’s birthday too. He would have been 61 years old. So much of my life I have wanted to make him proud and fulfill the potential that was cut short in him. So I believe it is no accident that God would schedule one of the biggest opportunities of my life on this day to let me know that my Dad’s purpose wasn’t cut short…it is alive and well in me and my 2 brothers. It is deep confirmation to me that even with the most difficult tragedies…God’s grace, mercy and love still abound…

Franklin’s book is truly inspiring, and I was blessed to interview him about his book and his career for MOVIEGUIDE. Check out my interview with him here! Below is a preview of his interview with Oprah.

Preview: DeVon Franklin on “Super Soul Sunday”

In an all-new “Super Soul Sunday,” DeVon Franklin—a Hollywood executive who does double duty as a preacher—shares his advice on achieving success without losing yourself. The author of “Produced By Faith” author talks with Oprah about how he balances his Hollywood life with his faith.

How does you father influence your life today?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2012

New Book Alert – “Why You’re Not Married…Yet”

Hello World,

Now that the summer is FINALLY here, it’s time to get our summer reading on! Although I’ve probably read too many relationship books over the years, I’m always a sucker for a new relationship book that offers an interesting perspective or fresh insight…And I think I’ve discovered a new book that qualifies…Have you heard of “Why You’re Not Married… Yet?” Tracy McMillan, a writer for TV’s “Mad Men,” wrote the book after her Huffington Post blog piece “Why You’re Not Married” went viral last year…Even an ex-boyfriend e-mailed it to me…An excerpt of the original article is below…

It basically comes down to this: I’ve been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister’s son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.

I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated — traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I’ve become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships — someone who’s had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.

But I won’t lie. The problem is not men, it’s you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they’re not really standing in your way. Because the fact is — if whatever you’re doing right now was going to get you married, you’d already have a ring on. So without further ado, let’s look at the top six reasons why you’re not married.

And here are a few of the six….

2. You’re Shallow.
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

6. You’re Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don’t think that. You do. I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.

I see this at my son’s artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you’re trying to be. They’re attractive, sure. They’re just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.

Alright, so that’s the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession (use your imagination) — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:

Love

And now that she has a book out, McMillan has added four new reasons for an even Top Ten…the more interesting new reasons below…

8. You’re Crazy. Crazy is where you LOVE INTENSITY. You want life to bring the exclamation points!!!!!!! Normal people, and relationships? Big, noisy YAWN. You think of yourself more like Angelina Jolie when she was with Billy Bob. Crazy is where you use your cell phone like an automatic weapon. You meet, have sex, fight and break up — all by text message. Another sign you’ve got the crazies is if you are constantly telling long, involved stories in the break room about what happened this past weekend. You think your listeners are wowed and they are, but to them it’s like watching an episode of “Fear Factor.” Who doesn’t want to watch another person eat bugs? In fact, a sure-fire way to know you’re crazy is if more than one person has told you you’d be great on a reality show — and you agree with them.

10. You’re Godless. Remember how I said that marriage is a spiritual path? Well, we’re there. The point where I suggest something totally radical and punk-rock as a way of transforming whatever it is you have going on (or don’t have going on) in the area of relationships. And here it is: I want you to get a god. Wait, come back! It’s not necessarily what you think. What do I mean by god? Well, I don’t mean a bearded dude in the sky who is going to give you a Mercedes and a husband if you’re good and punish you if you’re bad. That would be Santa Claus. I mean I want you to cultivate a sense of SPIRIT in your life, a relationship with the intangible, the unseen — the power behind the oceans, gravity, chocolate and the Beatles. You know, the thing you experience in life where the hair stands up on your arms? The Big Something. You could just call it Love. Whatever you name it — it’s the game changer. Because when you mix the idea of spirit into your relationships, it no longer matters how many men are, technically, out there. No more demographics, no more short guys and tall guys or chicks with cankles or ten extra pounds. There are no more lists of things you think you have to have in a mate. There are only two people on a spiritual assignment: TO LOVE EACH OTHER.

So does she make any valid points? Do you plan on checking her book out? What are you reading this summer?

Any thoughts? (I love her hair!)

Posted on Sunday, May 13, 2012

Surviving Mama…(a repost in honor of Mother’s Day)

Editor’s Note: This post originally ran in September 2011, but as today is Mother’s Day, I believe that Dr. Thompson’s book can help people who have challenged relationships with their mothers…With that said, today is a day to honor our mothers even if those relationships are challenged. As it is stated in the Bible, “Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise–that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-3

Hello World!

As you know by now, I am a serious book lover and am always excited when I encounter a “must-read” book! My friend Dr. Pamela Thompson has written such a book!

In the black community, “Mama” is revered above any other figure in our history. Dating back to slavery, when all else failed, “Mama” was the one to hold it together. Even today, Mother’s Day is nearly as popular as Christmas, Thanksgiving & Easter…which makes it that much harder to admit if you have a problem with your mother or the way that you were raised by the woman that gave you life.

However, in her new book, “Surviving Mama: Overcoming Strained Mother-Daughter Relationships,” Dr. Thompson has provided tangible tools to help those who may be searching for a way to broach this issue…Read my Q&A with Dr. Thompson about her new book below.

1. Tell me about “Surviving Mama.” Describe how you fused Biblical and psychological principles in the book.

I understand that my calling is to highlight the intersection of God’s timeless teaching and wisdom with things that can be explained in the natural or clinical world. In bringing both worlds together–the clinical and the biblical–I hope to cover as many bases as possible in providing guiding principles that give people the tools to KNOW better, DO better, and LOVE better with boundary-setting and choice as a part of the equation.

2. Why did you write “Surviving Mama”, and who is your target audience?

I wrote “Surviving Mama” for anybody who is a daughter -whether she has issues with her mom or not. The perfect audience would be those who are Christian women (African- American women in particular) in search of deeper truth with a willingness to pursue answers and make radical changes in the way they’ve lived life thus far. However, the book is applicable to anyone experiencing discomfort, strife, distress in any close, complex family relationship that just doesn’t work. Ideal age
for the reader would be 25 and up.

3. How did you find the women you featured in the book? You also mentioned a well-known mother and daughter prolific author Alice Walker and her daughter Rebecca Walker, who is also a writer. What about their relationship made you include a reference to them in the book?

I found the women from among my clients and friends. I’ve
literally interviewed thousands of women in my career from murderers to physicians and lawyers, and this topic comes up frequently. I’ve worked with women who have killed their mothers or their daughters and women who have good mothers who still have their own issues and deficits that spill over into the mother-daughter relationship. I’ve always had a close-knit circle of girlfriends, and I’ve seen the mother-daughter issues change from decade to decade as I have experienced in my own relationship with my mom who’s lived with me for
the past five years.

The Walker mother-daughter duo was just a perfect fit for that chapter on control. Certainly it would appear that the daughter of Alice Walker would be edified as a woman, a “sister” and certainly would enjoy the privileges of her mother’s wisdom, insights and wealth. Yet, this was not the case, and it underscored my point very richly that the nuances and inadequacies of any mother-daughter relationship cannot be determined from the outside looking in.

4. What feedback have you received about the book, particularly since “Mama” is a revered figure, particularly in the black community?

I approached this subject gingerly specifically because of the
reverence bestowed upon “Mama” in our communities, and I didn’t want the purpose of this book to be Mama-bashing. It’s bigger and deeper than that. In fact, it’s not that at all. It took me four years to write, not because it’s so lengthy, but because I wanted to treat the issue just right.

I’ve received overwhelming response to the book. I have been blown away at how women have responded across race and socio-economic status. It appears that the book has given women “permission” to discuss this taboo topic with greater confidence that they’re not alone. I usually end up doing “therapy” at each of my book signings as women discuss their long-held pains on this issue quite openly. I pray that it serves as a tool of self-discovery, healing and transcendence.

5. What was your process for writing this book?

I had my best success when writing EARLY in the morning
for 45 minutes or so before I started my day. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would baptize me daily and instruct me accordingly in what I should write before I started every writing session. It is a God-inspired work.

6. As a writer, I write to know. What did you learn from writing the book?

I’ve received confirmation that the issue is as big as I’ve
experienced in my personal and clinical experiences. I’ve learned that mothers are often blind in many ways, as we all are, to how we impact others with our misdeeds. I’ve deepened my understanding of the guaranteed silver lining in any contentious relationship and how our “enemies” can be the members of our family, and yet those enemies probably do more for us than those who’ve always cheered us on IF you allow it. I truly get that ALL things work together for good for them that love the the Lord and are called accordingly to His purpose.

7. Where can you buy the book?

Book can be bought at survivingmama.com and amazon.com(Kindle and paperback). It will be moving into bookstores soon, starting with Medu at Greenbriar Mall. People can also call me directly at (404) 644-0710 and come by my office to buy a copy. I’m available for women’s workshops and conferences.