Biologicals Do Bother aka Happy Father’s Day

Hello World,

My Facebook profile picture today...

Even on Facebook, it is evident that Father’s Day is a much more complicated holiday than Mother’s Day! Days before Mother’s Day on Facebook, people asked their friends to change their profile pictures to honor their mothers and within hours, nearly all of my friends changed their profile pictures to pictures of their mothers. It was so cool to see the faces of the mothers that gave birth to my cyber family!

Days before Father’s Day, I noticed that some of my Facebook friends had changed their profile pictures to pictures of their fathers, but many others posted status updates about their mothers who were actually their fathers too because their fathers weren’t present in their lives. Some other Facebook friends praised the fathers of others while being tellingly silent about their own fathers. And even others ignited arguments about the contributions of fathers in general and specifically. What a dismal commentary about the collective opinion about fathers…

I don’t want to discount the experiences of many of my Facebook friends, but there are many, many, many fathers out there who are great fathers! And many of those fathers are doing it all alone!  In fact, here in Georgia, a recent report from the U.S. Census Bureau reveals that for the first time since 1970, the rise of families headed by single fathers surpassed the rise of households headed by single mothers! There was a recent article by Gracie Bond-Staples in the AJC about this surprising data.

Indeed, among the fastest growing types of households were those that include a father and kids without a wife, which were up some 45 percent, compared to those with a mother and kids but no husband, which showed a 35 percent jump.

Experts say the numbers reflect not only a shift in court and societal attitudes about child-rearing but women for whom motherhood has become less important.

And it seems that single fathers may be, in some ways at least, better equipped to take on parenting than single mothers.

Matthew Weinshenker, an assistant professor of sociology at Fordham University, said the state trend mirrors what’s happening nationally, where the number of single dads has almost doubled from 1.5 million to 2.79 million since 1990. In addition, those same census figures, he said, show single dads are older than single moms on average and have higher incomes.

It was interesting to read about the experiences of these single fathers…

Jim Higley, who recently won the title of “world’s greatest dad” in a national contest, said he regularly encounters people who seemed puzzled and intrigued by his decision to raise his children alone.

Higley, widely known as the “Bobblehead Dad” from his weekly parenting column in Chicago Tribune’s TribLocal, took over sole parenting responsibilities of his children about five years ago, when he and his wife separated and then divorced.

For instance, Mujahid-Alexander of Tucker, who shares custody with their mother of his 5-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter, said he had to turn down a swimming outing recently for his son because he didn’t believe he could watch both kids at the same time. And Kuklinski said he has had to give up a few dates.

Despite the challenges, they said giving up that place in their children’s lives was unfathomable.

“I grew up in a two-parent home. I have no concept of what it would be like without two parents and I could not see my children growing up like that,” Mujahid-Alexander said. “That wasn’t acceptable.”

With the recent retirement of basketball giant (literally and figuratively) Shaquille O’Neal, many sports fans have been recounting his many contributions to the game, but I remember when Shaq tried to ignite a rap career some years back. Obviously, he is a better baller than rapper, but I do remember his song “Biological Didn’t Bother” which he dedicated to his stepfather who raised him. Shaq also didn’t mince words about his disdain for his biological father….

Yo, yo, I want to dedicated this song to Philip Arthur Harrison
Word up, ’cause he was the one who took me from a boy to a man
So as far as I’m concerned, he’s my father
‘Cause my biological didn’t bother

Biological father, left me in the cold, when a few months old
A father’s child was greater than gold but I guess not
You brought me into the world but you’re not my dad
Mess around with those drugs makes my moms mad

I cannot dismiss the feelings of many who see Father’s Day as a day to reflect on the absence rather than the presence of their fathers, but I submit that many biological fathers do bother….Another basketball great Dwayne Wade recently won sole custody of his sons. Below is what Wade told the Associated Press after the long custody battle for his boys.

“My life changed in a huge way,” Wade told the AP. “Mentally, I’ve been preparing for it for over a year now. To me, it’s bigger than that. For me, it shows a lot of people that you need to fight to be in your kids’ lives sometimes. You fight until you can’t fight any more. That’s all I was trying to be, a father in his kids’ lives.”

Wade’s words really blessed me this morning, and I thank God for blessing me with an extraordinary father! And Happy Father’s Day to all of the others out there! We need you, we love you, and we salute you!!!

Any thoughts?

Nothing New Under The Sun aka The “Weiner” Roast…

Hello World,

Happy Hump Day! So let me get into the subject of today’s post…A United States congressman from Georgia comes home to visit his constituents during World War II. In an effort to encourage those who have loved ones who have gone to war, he visits the home of several of them to thank them personally for their sacrifices. He visits several lonely wives whose husbands have gone to war. One of those wives is particularly beautiful. And although he tried to forget her once he returns to Washington, he cannot. He visits her again when he returns to Georgia, and their affair begins. She gets pregnant.

To protect himself and her, he uses his power to have the husband return to his wife from the war for a two-week period. He instructs the wife to sleep with her husband so that he will think the child is his months later. The congressman’s plan, however, is foiled when the husband refuses to come home due to his dedication to his fellow servicemen who are not given the same respite. Not wanting to call too much public attention to himself, he lets it go and decides to have the soldier killed instead.

Months after the soldier’s death, the congressman marries the beautiful widow, and they prepare to live “happily ever after.” He is convinced that no one knows about his wrongdoing and tries to move on his with career and life. He realizes, however, when their child is stricken with polio and eventually dies that God knows about his sin. He accepts the death of their child as divine retribution for his wrongdoing. He repents of his sin and goes on to do many wonderful things for his constituents.

Although the congressman remained in office and married to his wife, his personal life was often challenging. In interviews later in his life after his sin was eventually revealed to the public, he traces the difficulties in his personal life to the decision he made to sleep with another man’s wife many years earlier…

Is this a true story? Yes & No…No, there was no such Georgia congressman. But this is essentially the story of King David & Bathsheba in the Bible. You can read the story for yourself in 2 Samuel 11

So what does this have to do with U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner? Well, a lot, actually. In the story of King David & Bathsheba, God made sure that King David was punished for his actions, but he was not removed from the throne for them. I’m starting to wonder should men be removed from their public offices for dalliances in their personal lives. I mean, every week practically, we are hearing about the indiscretions of men in public office. At this rate, we stand to lose much of our brain trust. And the Lord knows, we cannot afford to lose the best minds we have in this economy!

CNN contributor Anne-Marie Slaughter, the Bert G. Kerstetter ’66 University Professor of Politics and International Affairs at Princeton University, doesn’t think Weiner should leave his post. In fact, she blogged about it…

They have to be willing to give themselves up to the public – media included – 24 hours a day, while typically earning only a small fraction of what they could earn in the private sector and accepting the continual frustration of operating in a political and bureaucratic system in which it is harder and harder to get anything good done.

They also have to be competitive, driven, extroverted and highly risk-acceptant. Those are often the characteristics of our most successful economic innovators and entrepreneurs; it is not surprising that many of our most effective political figures – typically the rising stars of their parties – have the same traits. These traits, and indeed success itself, also correlates with high testosterone.

That is the backdrop against which I conclude that Anthony Weiner should not resign, but should instead leave the decision regarding whether he can continue to serve in Congress to his constituents.

I in no way condone his behavior with women; it strikes me exactly as a pathology for which he needs treatment.

He has betrayed his wife and family; it is up to them to decide whether to forgive. And he has indeed compromised the public trust invested in him, which is why his constituents should and will have a chance to decide whether his lies mean they no longer trust him enough to have him represent them.

But consider Bill Clinton and Eliot Spitzer, to take only two of the many, many examples of powerful public men caught in sex scandals (Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Ensign, Mark Sanford, Rudy Giuliani, Gary Hart) or not caught, but revealed later (Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Nelson Rockefeller).

I for one am deeply glad that Bill Clinton did not resign; he was one of the best presidents of my lifetime and left the country in far better shape than he found it. His wife and daughter chose to forgive him and to preserve their family, which is their business, not ours. He also breached the public trust by lying, but in my view not to an extent that it affected his ability to govern successfully.

Republicans evidently make the same calculation about their candidates. It is striking that Newt Gingrich and David Vitter, to take only two recent Republican examples, were not abandoned by their supporters on the basis of sex scandals of equal severity and hypocrisy to those of comparable Democrats.

Absent criminal behavior, which is another category entirely, the issue is whether sexual misconduct undermines a politician’s ability to represent his or her constituents and contribute to the common good. It is certainly legitimate for Weiner’s Congressional colleagues to voice their views that the scandal surrounding his actions is harming the party’s agenda as a whole. But it is equally legitimate for him to insist that in the end his fate should be decided by the good citizens of his district. A government of, by, and for the people should let the people decide.

It is interesting to note that a recent poll of Weiner’s constituents don’t want him to resign….I don’t know why powerful men throughout the ages continue to be so easily thrown off course by sexual temptations, but does their personal philandering nullify their professional prowess? (Interesting sidebar: President Ronald Reagan was the only divorced president…)

Any thoughts?

Gone Too Soon…Tupac Amaru Shakur

“…If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! ”  Chris Rock

Hello World,

I’m not gonna pretend that Tupac Amaru Shakur (June 16, 1971 – September 13, 1996) was a saint or had he lived he would have been the next Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Malcolm X or the first black president. I don’t know all that…But I do know that Tupac’s death was a tragedy, and I cannot believe that all of these years later, there are no suspects in the shooting deaths of Tupac, Biggie & Jam Master Jay…It’s almost inconceivable actually…and then again, maybe it’s not- which is the real tragedy…

Had Tupac lived, this Thursday, June 16, would have been his 40th birthday! Can you believe it! He was 25 years old when he was killed. Now, I think of 25 year olds as kids…To this day, Tupac is my favorite hip hop artist ever! He was a rare  combination of street braggadocio (swag) unquestionable  intellect and straight talent. And I’m not gonna lie – Tupac was something to behold with his chocolate skin and doe eyes! Yes, I know that he wasn’t perfect. Some of the lyrics in his songs were foul, and he was accused of horrible things.

I saw Tupac once. He performed at a concert as a part of Clark Atlanta University’s homecoming back in the ’90s. Me and some of my girls at the time had driven to Atlanta from Athens (I went to UGA) and snuck into the concert. Tupac was wilin’ out because he wanted to smoke weed on stage as he performed, but he wasn’t being allowed to do so. He enlisted the audience to help him convince the powers that be to allow him to get his smoke on…And basically, he threatened that he would not perform if he couldn’t smoke…He eventually did perform though, and if I remember correctly, he did not get to smoke…And at the end of the concert, he invited the ladies back to his hotel room…What can you say? He was a boy/young man at the time…

I’m not excusing all of his behavior…but the world is a better place for his talent, and he was gone too soon…My favorite poet Nikki Giovanni was also a Tupac fan and wrote a poem about him…

All Eyez on U
(for 2Pac Shakur 1971-1996)

as I tossed and turned unable to achieve sleep unable to control anxiety unable to comprehend why
2Pac is not with us
if those who lived by the sword died by the sword there would be no
white men on earth
if those who lived on hatred died on hatred there would be no KKK
if those who lived by lies died by lies there would be nobody on wall
street in executive suites in academic offices instructing the young
don’t tell me he got what he deserved  he deserved a chariot and
the accolades of a grateful people
he deserved his life
it is as clear as a mountain stream as defining as a lightning strike
as terrifying as sun to vampires
2Pac told the truth
there were those who called it dirty  gansta rap inciting there were
those who never wanted to be  angry at the conditions but angry
at the messenger who report:  your kitchen has roaches your toilet
is overflowing your basement has so much water the rats are in the
living room
your house is in disorder

and 2Pac told you about it
what a beautiful boy graceful carriage melodic voice sharp wit intellectual
breadth what a beautiful boy to lose
not me  never me  I do not believe east coast west coast  I saw
them murder Emmett Till I saw them murder Malcolm X  I saw
them murder Martin Luther King  I witnessed them shooting
Rap Brown I saw them beat LeRoi Jones  I saw them fill their jails
I see them burning churches  not me  never me  I do not believe
this is some sort of mouth action  this is some sort of political
action and they picked well  they picked the brightest freshest
fruit from the tallest tree what a beautiful boy
but he will not go away as Malcolm did not go away  as Emmett
Till did not go away your shooting him will not take him from us
his spirit will fill our hearts his courage will strengthen us for the
challenge   his truth will straighten our backbones
you know, Socrates had a mother she too watched her son drink
hemlock   she too asked why but Socrates stood firm and would
not lie to save himself  2Pac has a mother  the lovely Afeni had
to bury her son it is not right
it is not right this young warrior is cut down  it is not right for
the old to bury the young  it is not right
this generation mourns 2Pac as my generation mourned Till as we
all mourn Malcolm  this wonderful young warrior
Sonia Sanchez said when she learned of his passing she walked all day
walking the beautiful warrior home to our ancestors I just cried as all
mothers cry for the beautiful boy who said he and Mike Tyson would
never be allowed to be free at the same time who told the truth about
them and who told the truth about us who is our beautiful warrior
there are those who wanted to make him the problem who wanted
to believe if they silenced 2Pac all would be quiet on the ghetto
front there are those who testified that the problem wasn’t the conditions
but the people talking about them
they took away band  so the boys started scratching they took away
gym  so the boys started break dancing the boys started rapping
cause they gave them the guns and the drugs but not the schools and
libraries
what a beautiful boy to lose
and we mourn 2Pac Shakur and we reach out to his mother and we
hug ourselves in sadness and shame
and we are compelled to ask:
R U Happy, Mz Tucker?  2Pac is gone
R U Happy?

Deep huh? If you are in the A, you can actually help celebrate Pac’s 40th b-day. Erykah Badu will be the headline act at the Tupac Shakur Foundation concert this Thursday, June 16,  7 p.m. at Atlanta Symphony Hall. Other artists Roy Ayers, Eric Roberson, Too $hort, Bun B and 8Ball & MJG will also be in the house…Tupac’s mother, Afeni Shakur, and comedian Mike Epps will host the concert. Tickets are $45 to $150. Go to 16thofjune.com for more info.

Luv Me Some Tupac! Happy Birthday Tupac!

Any thoughts?

P.S. I love sooo many Tupac songs…but this one seems to fit today….