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He Just Was Not That Into Me…aka Nikki Giovanni likes me…so there…

Hello World!!!

Since Valentine’s Day is just a week away, I have decided the next two posts will be about dating, love, marriage – basically all things gushy and romantic…I love the idea of Valentine’s Day, but I’ve had very few that actually involved a significant other…oh well…

So since a movie version of one of my new favorite relationship books came out last night, I decided to also pay homage to the book – “He’s Just Not That Into You – The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. This book is a must have in decoding guy speak and behavior when it comes to dating!  A lot of it is common sense, but sometimes, when you’re dating, common sense seems to be the first thing that goes out the window…Here’s my favorite chapter from the book, He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Calling You. So the book is written like a series of letters written by women asking for dating advice from Greg Behrendt.  One woman wrote,

Dear Greg,

You’re dumb. A guy who I’m going out with who (who I asked out, Greg, by the way) is totally import and totally busy. He’s a music video director and travels and has long shoots and lots and lots of responsibilities. Sometimes when he’s working, I don’t hear from him for days and days. He’s really busy, Greg! Some guys are just really, really busy! Don’t you ever have really, really busy days? I’ve learned to live with it and not give him any sh&*,  because I know that’s the price I pay for going out with someone really successful and hot and busy. Why are telling these women to be so needy?

So here is Greg’s response:

Dear Nikki,

Good to hear from you again.  Well, not really. Listen Nikki. Really busy is another way to say “just not that into you.”  Totally important is another way to say, “you’re unimportant.” How great that you’ve “landed” someone  that even you think is out of your league. Too busy and important to ask you out or call you- what a catch. Congratulations on your quasi-relationship! It must feel amazing to know that you’ve been programmed into the super hot and important busy guy’s cell phone, even if he never uses it to call you. You must be the envy of every woman he’s really dating.

Ouch! I think Greg (see how I call him Greg like he’s my personal friend or something 🙂 )mentioned in the book that if a guy doesn’t call you or contact you with cell phones and all the other communication tools that are available, he’s just not that into you. I mean unless you’re President Obama, men really can’t make the excuse that they’re too busy to call…And I’m sure that Barack calls Michelle every day when he’s out of town…she look like she ain’t havin’ it any other way…

Here are some of the other chapter titles: He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Asking You Out, He’s Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He’s Drunk and He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Disappeared on You.

So in this post, I will give my own example of the chapter, He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Disappeared on You. This is how I remember it happening. The year was 1996, the year I graduated from college. The summer after graduation as a matter of fact. I was partying on a Friday, I think, with my girls at some club…the name escapes me right now. It used to be where Vision used to be in the A. I think some new condos are in the spot now though…I was looking good. My hair was in the infamous Halle Berry cut. I had on my cherry red lipstick. Why I ever wore red lipstick is beyond me. I was tight in the way that only someone in their early ’20s can be. And while I was trying to act cool and dance at the same time, I saw him. Lawdy, Lawdy, he was fine.  He was tall, bronze and muscled with curly hair. All my girls had to give me dap when we exchanged the digits.

So I think we hung out once before it all went down. I think he lived in the Little Five Points area, one of the most artsy and eclectic neighborhoods in the A. I think he was some sort of artist. Anyway, he had a forest green Eclipse. Do those cars still exist? And we rode around the area in his car. And I was feeling it all…Y’all know I was! Anyway, we had a few phone conversations and decided to meet one night at Yin Yang Cafe, which is now Apache Cafe, I guess. (The turnover of clubs in the A is kinda sad…) Anyway, so I showed up and he didn’t….And he didn’t call again…Hopefully, I didn’t call back again, but I probably called back at least once…hey you live, learn, develop a healthy self-esteem, etc.

So I was so mad that I wrote a poem about it. At the time, I fancied myself a budding poet and read some of my work at different poetry readings around town. It was a very short-lived phase of my life actually. So I wrote this this poem and here it goes.

Anger Is A Great Liberator – written in 1996

Ever wanted a man so much

you felt your breath lessen every time he opened his mouth.

Every single time, you dialed his digits,

no matter, how matter-of-fact he sounded,

you pushed reason in the back of your mind

to make room for thoughts of biceps, triceps, curls and whirls in his forest green Eclipse.

At the monitor, to-do list easily in sight, yet you didn’t

and on the way home from work, you shook yourself to loosen his image from your head.

Walking in the door, no red lights, so you cooked dinner,

itching to do it, how soon is too soon to call?

Budget gourmet thrown to the side, taking strides to the phone,

how did you get here, pick it up, please, don’t let the number of rings reveal

how bad you wanted to only hear his voice.

Smiling, later dancing, he asked you out

to meet him in the center of a dark, jazz-filled cafe that you hoped served gratification for dessert.

So you sat at the table, made beautiful by a fake flame, smiling vacantly at the band…

while tapping your feet and moving with the notes

knowing that soon you would hear real music

as his masculine footsteps made his way to you…

Ummm, still listening to the band, now accompanied by a box-headed man saying

Your lips are smiling, but your eyes are mad…but yeah, can I get that number?

No…turn your head, the sexy dread-headed man with the guitar sustains your smile

But your eyes blaze with the knowledge that one, look down, maybe two or three hours have

passed.

And the eclipse hadn’t happened..he didn’t come.

But Anger came, with her strong, fiery curvy self,

moving against a red dress, she held your hands first,

then began to loosen the chokehold around your neck

while repeating, “If I didn’t come, you wouldn’t be free.”

“Get up,” she said. “And straighten that dress.”

You stood up, looked down to smooth the wrinkles in your own booty tight dress.

When you looked up, she was gone, but you laughed and said, “I’ll remember.”

You twisted out of the club, only looking back to see whose eyes followed you.

Two by two, by two, maybe even enough to fill an ark

“Naw,” you laughed. “Y’all ain’t gonna pimp me like that.”

You said to all the eyes.

The artist is emancipated and so are you

You got in your car, and sped down I-85

Anger is a great liberator

Even reading my poem now is therapeutic…so a few months after writing that poem, I went to a book signing for the great poet, Nikki Giovanni. While she signed my copy of her book, “Love Poems”, I quietly asked if she would take a look at my poem and tell me her opinion of my work. I wrote my address on the poem in case she wanted to send her thoughts to me later. AND SHE DID!!!  On Feb. 12, 1997, she wrote

Dear Jacqueline Holness,

Wow!  Anger is a great liberator. Good work! Keep it up!

Yours In Poetry,

Nikki Giovanni

Can you believe it? I still can’t! How perfectly sweet and generous of her! So there Mr. I-Can’t-Even-Remember-Your-Name!  I’m glad you never showed up because your standing me up inspired me to write a poem that Nikki Giovanni said was good.

Any thoughts?

 

 

 

 

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Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya…

 

Hello World!!!

I am feeling a little melancholy, but since I’m paying for this Web site, I guess I need to post…even when I don’t feel like it. 🙂

So here’s the topic of discussion for this post…Last week in the A, there was a media storm surrounding the Jonesboro High School dance team. Apparently, the team was disabanded after the girls performed a salacious dance routine at a basketball game last month. The girls, wearing tiny shorts and thigh high stockings, eventually ended up pulling some of the male students from the audience and performed in front of them as they sat in chairs. I cannot imagine being a teacher there and not feeling embarassed…

But here’s the thing…before some of y’all accuse me of being a hypocrite, I was on my high school drill team, and we relished wearing our short shorts and flouncy skirts on Fridays before the football games where we performed during halftime. And while we performed several drills that were not sexual, on occasion, we mixed some dancing into our routines. And we did get a little sexy sometimes…in fact, I made it a point to never invite my parents (namely my father) to a single game to see me perform…he would have NOT been pleased, and he might have forbidden me to be on the drill team had he known what was up. (Think the movie “Footloose!” Ha, ha) I was on the drill team for three years, and if my memory is correct, during my final year on the team,  the captain of our drill team was a girl who aspired to be a stripper…at least that was the rumor….so you can guess what some of our routines looked like…

So did I ever feel embarassed about some of our more suggestive dance routines…somewhat…I certainly never wanted anyone from my church to see me perform…but I did feel a strange sense of power in moving my body that way. Maybe the media contributed to the issue…I don’t know…but there is something about being a teenage girl that makes you want to test the limits of the power you have in shakin’ whatcha mama gave ya…Now should that be on display for the whole student body to see?…that’s another issue…

So if the media is a contributing factor in influencing young women to be overly sexualized in their dancing and other forms of expression, can we really blame them since that type of expression is seen as lucrative and powerful in other arenas? Remember Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 U” performance? That choreography included gyrating, chairs and men as well, and there was no uproar about that…

A fellow blogger and friend discusses her angst her with Beyonce, Booty-Shaking and Child Raising on her blog, enjoyceinglife.blogspot.com. Check out it…good insights there…

Anyway, I remember what is was like to to wanna shake whatcha mama gave ya for everyone to see…Truth be told, I still enjoy that on occasion, but I also realize that allowing our girls to be overly sexualized is very detrimental and can lead to women believing that much of their power is in their bodies rather than in their minds and spirits…

What do you think? (The video of the Jonesboro High School dance team routine is at the head of this post. By the way, you can hear Beyonce in the background.)

Any thoughts?

P.S. I am a Beyonce fan by the way….:)

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A Wedding…He’s the One…

coldHello World!!!

I know the hearts of the single ladies are palpitating as they read this post…Let me stop the madness right now! No, this is not a post about me meeting “The One” per se. But this is a post about the wedding of sorts that took place less than a week ago on Jan. 20.

As you may have guessed, yes, I am referring to the swearing in of our 44th president, Barack H. Obama.  And by the grace of God, I was among that number that bombarded the mall to nearly witness the miracle. (By nearly, I mean I was there but I saw the ceremony via a JumboTron.) While I was in our nation’s capital, I was able to take part in many events. Thanks to the hook up of my girl, I, I was able to attend the “Refresh The World” Symposium at Howard University. Movie director Spike Lee was one of the sponsors, along with Pepsi, of the event.  It was off the chain, but more about that later!!!

Rev. Jesse Jackson was one of the panelists in the “Refreshing Black America – The Impact of Barack Obama” discussion.  CNN commentator Roland Martin served as the moderator for this discussion. The other panelists were Princeton University professor Dr. Cornel West, National Action Network President Rev. Al Sharpton, CNN contributor and political analyst Donna Brazile, “Washington Times” deputy editorial director Tara Wall and CNN contributor contributor and political analyst Amy Holmes. I told you it was off the chain, but again, more about that later… 🙂on-the-train

But back to Rev. Jackson. He mentioned that the whole rise of President Obama was similar to a great romance. It started off with the introduction. For many of us, that was Obama’s primary win in Iowa. Although I do remember his wonderful speech at the Democratic National Convention years earlier. The election cycle was the courtship phase. His election in November was Obama’s proposal to us, and we happily said, “Yes!” Or rather, “Yes, we can!” And the inauguration activities represent a grand wedding celebration.  When he offered that analogy, it clicked! Yes, that’s exactly what it felt like in DC last week. It felt like we were all basking in love as we braved the bone-chilling temperatures (at one point, me and my girls had to walk a few blocks from a Metro station to our hotel one night…It was so cold I had to tell myself that  if the ancestors braved the Middle Passage, surely I could make it although the wind and cold were steadily turning my hands into frost-bitten claws)  and overwhelming crowds to usher in history.

The morning of the inauguration at approximately 6 a.m. , throngs of people were nearly shutting down the Metro station as we began our trek to the mall. As we made our way through the station, a voice that sounded like Miss Sophia  from V-103 in Atlanta greeted us over the Metro PA system.  “Good Morning everybody,” the voice said. “Obama not getting up for five more hours so y’all be patient and be courteous. We want y’all to be patient, courteous and smile.” Of course, everyone laughed, and whatever tension was in the air melted even as the frigid air greeted us as we rode the escalator up to exit the station.barackwave

I imagine that God was pleased as people of all races didn’t mind bumping up against one another to show support for our new president. I saw as many white people as I saw black people. I saw Indians and Asians. I saw the very young and the very old. I saw people who were wheelchair bound. I heard accents from across the world. While at the mall, I got separated from my friends and so for many hours, I was alone among the million. As I waited for the hours to pass in the cold before the inaguration ceremony began, I spotted a nearly inconsolable little boy to my right.  I know he was crying because it was so cold. His tears probably froze on his little face.  I wanted to cry too. It was that cold.  I mean at one point, I thought about fainting right there…I thought maybe if I lost conciousness, I couldn’t feel the cold. I consoled myself by saying, “this is for Barack” and other similar statements. Surely, this is what being in love feels like…you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t ordinarily do to show your support and love.  Please believe this Island girl wouldn’t brave the cold for just any ole body.

And did I mention that I was drugged up on TheraFlu and ibuprofen the whole time. Yes, I was feverish the whole week. But every morning I was there, I drug my body out of bed, wore thermal underwear for the first time along with other layers of clothing, took some swigs of TheraFlu, popped some pills and went on my way.  (Actually, a whole week later, I’m still not quite right so y’all pray for me.)

Now, I know Barack ain’t the Savior! Dr. Cornel West made sure that everyone in the symposium knew that with his eloquent quips and quotes. One of my favorite quotes was when he said Obama has been able to “neutralize white anxiety while capitalize on black solidarity.”  West also warned us not to confuse “the cross with the flag.” Of course since the symposium was held on MLK day, he mentioned that at the time of his death, Dr. King had the same approval rating as Bush had at the end of his presidency. I believe West was referring to King’s approval rating among blacks. As you probably know, King was waging a war on poverty when he was assassinated meanwhile blacks had gotten well-adjusted to being well-adjusted, said West. I think he was saying that if Obama really intends to enact true change, his decisions will not please everybody…y’all know how the saying goes. ( “You can’t please everybody all of the time.”)

I was especially pleased with how Donna Brazile made sure to mention that Obama didn’t get to the presidencyattheball all by his lonesome. She gratuitously “big upped” Rev. Jackson for paving the path with his presidential campaigns in 1984 and 1988.  I so love it when we black women publicly lavish praise on our black men. It’s not done enough.  In fact, her words showed a generousity of spirit that officially made me a fan of hers. My favorite moment of the symposium was at the end when the song “Happy Birthday to Ya”  by Stevie Wonder blared throughout the auditorium. Rather than leave the auditorium peacefully, Dr. West, in his too tight pants, began shakin’ it fast. Donna Brazile, who reminded me of myself at that moment, got up and began dancing on his behind – not closely of course- while shaking a white hankerchief in the air. Roland Martin, an Alpha man, began doing steps. And of course, the audience, including me, began dancing in the aisles.  I felt the love. I felt the love. I felt the love.

I like to think that Jesus Christ was a romantic too. After all, his first miracle was performed at a wedding. Hopefully, God will bless our union with President Obama. And so now it feels like we’re honeymooning…Although, I’ve never been married, I’ve been told that the honeymoon doesn’t last forever. At some point, real life sets in…but for right now, I’m just happy that Obama is “The One.”westbraziledancing

Any thoughts?

For those of you who were there, please share your thoughts. I couldn’t possibly share everything…jacket