#WhyIStayed…Don’t Judge Domestic Violence Survivors…

Hello World, rayjanay

As we all know, domestic violence, unfortunately, is not a new issue and has often sparked national conversation…Remember the Farah Fawcett movie “The Burning Bed?”…But with the Monday TMZ release of the video in which former Ravens running back Ray Rice punched his wife Janay (then fiancee), knocking her unconscious and to the floor of an elevator, domestic violence is once again the topic of a national conversation…as it should be…

For women like myself who, fortunately, have no experience with domestic abuse, it is hard to understand why women will marry an abusive man as Janay did AFTER the incident in the elevator and stay with an abusive husband…However, unlike in 1984, when that groundbreaking movie “The Burning Bed” was released, new platforms such as Twitter and Instagram give the opportunity for women across the nation and the world to speak about their experiences with domestic violence…

Janay spoke out yesterday about she is choosing to stay with Ray Rice on Instagram…

janay instagramAnd many women, in an effort to help people understand rather than judge, tweeted about whey they stayed using the hashtag #WhyIStayed….

Below are a few of the tweets that I read with this important hash tag…

Beverly Gooden, author of “Confessions of a Church Girl” and creator of the hashtag #WhyIStayed, spoke about why she stayed in an abusive marriage on ABC’s “Good Morning America” this morning…

And below is a video of the interview…


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So as we continue to have this important conversation, let’s support rather judge domestic violence survivors…

Any thoughts?

 

Cooking & Cleaning Oh My! – Going From ‘Single Lady’ to ‘Smug Married’…

Hello World,

How ironic that the morning I commence to write a post on the fine art of cooking and cleaning in a marriage, the pilot light of our stove goes off! And I was starting to make turkey stroganoff too…Guess we will be eating at my mama’s house or out for Sunday dinner…LOL…(I’m laughing on this post, but on the inside, I’m a bit worried as I’m a frugalista and like to keep money in my pocket…Oh well…things break…such is life…)

If you are reading this post, I’m reasonably sure you didn’t come here to read about me whining and moaning and groaning about a pilot light…but pardon me, if every few sentences or so, I whine a bit…LOL…So with that being said, on to today’s post…

As a single woman, cooking and cleaning weren’t a big deal…I either did or didn’t…Either way, no biggie. No one had to see my house but me, and if I didn’t feel like cooking, eating out was just as easy an option…Not so when a man is around who likes to eat meals that your mama would make…meals with large quantities of meat and side dishes and such…

So what’s a tried and true single girl who finds herself married supposed to do?…Well, nothing very quickly…And some of this may provoke the ire of my more feminist sisters, but even though I have some feminist beliefs, I don’t call myself one…But I decided to consult my recipe books and find recipes for meals that a man would eat…not the vegetarian or lite entrees that I whipped up for myself from time to time…I did try to make some of those dishes for him, but he either didn’t like them or complained that he was still hungry after eating them…LOL…

So slowly but surely, I’m getting more familiar with meat…I still don’t know how to cook a whole chicken, but since I’ve been married, I’ve made curry chicken, barbecue chicken, stroganoff, etc. with side dishes and more…I try to cook Sunday dinner every Sunday which is a big deal considering that although I bought my first home in my ’20s, I was at my mama’s house every Sunday for dinner until a year ago…In fact, for most of the three years that Robert and I dated, I brought a plate of food from my mama’s house to either my home if we were hanging together after church or over to his home.

And cooking during the week has been a challenge for me too…I work pretty hard every day. I have a job, and I have some freelance gigs plus I teach at a gym…plus I’m working on my second novel…So usually during the week when I got home during my single days, I would chill for a while and then get back up and work some more. Since I’ve been married, now I have to consider someone else too. And since men like to eat during the week too( 🙂 ), I had to figure out easy meals that I could put together and still have some chill time when I get home….

I’m still working that out but I have discovered these awesome grilled chicken breasts from Trader Joe’s. They are individually wrapped in plastic. You can just throw those suckers in boiling water and within minutes, they are cooked and juicy too! And Wal-Mart has these convenient bags of assorted frozen vegetables that cook very quickly and go very nicely with the chicken breasts. Within 15 minutes or so, I can feed the big lug 🙂 That is my go-to meal on weeknights…I’m still working on others…And I usually make a pot of soup or something very simple for me at the beginning of the week, and I can eat that for days…

Now on to cleaning…Now that I’m living with someone, I see without a doubt how truly messy I am…I can leave a piece of paper on the floor in the same spot for months…Robert teases me that although my office looks like papers have carpeted it, I know where are all of my papers are located…That’s funny but kind of sad…I’ve been praying to be neat or at least neater for years…I was raised by a very neat Jamaican mother that considers it her personal failure that I have not followed in her footsteps…when I left her home, I think I rebelled…I stopped folding clothes as soon as they came from the dryer, and I didn’t dust every Saturday and all of the things that I had to do when I lived with my mother and father…but now that I’m living with someone again, I see the benefit of having a tidy home…An associate once said to me, “Having a clean home makes you feel rich.” That is true…I love being in a neat person’s home…I cannot explain why…Lately, I have found myself holing up in my hubby’s closet to read because it is so neat in there…(Shhh, don’t tell him.) Hopefully, one day, God will work a miracle in my life, and I will automatically hang up clothes when I take them off and walk around with a sponge like my mom does…

Finally, some of this is what I was scared of years ago when I saw a lot of my friends, sorority sisters, classmates and more get married years ago…God knew what He was doing when He took his time in bringing the right man for me into my life…I wasn’t and didn’t want to be ready for all of this…I was selfish and wanted to keep it that way….But as has been said, God doesn’t called the equipped, He equips the called…He is equipping me to be a wife and all that it entails….

One year down (a week from today) and forever to go…

Any thoughts?

Note: This is the second in series of three posts I’m writing about being married for a year as of next Sunday 🙂 To read my first post, go to  Couples’ Night – Going From ‘Single Lady’ to ‘Smug Married’…

The Stones That Built Me Strong – New Book Alert!!!

Hello World, stonescover

As I’ve said before in previous posts, summertime is the best time to catch up on your reading…Over the past few weeks, I’ve featured fiction books so today I thought I would feature a non fiction selection…Presenting The Stones That Built Me Strong: Turn Hurtful Stones from Your Past Into Stepping Stones for Success! by Alissa R. Jones…

Are you holding on to something you need to let go of?

Have you ever felt like all the odds are against you to succeed?

Have you ever felt like you fell in love with the wrong person?

I came up against these questions at life’s most trying moments. For many years, I was silenced by fear and suppressed the bad memories of my childhood.  At the age of 11, I was abused by a man my mother let rent a room in our home. I discovered my dad I’ve known for 13 years wasn’t my dad biologically. I looked for love in the wrong places, trying to fill the void of all the things important to me being taken and leaving me hopeless.

When we don’t deal with our past it can’t be healed. I made a choice to marry a man for the wrong reasons. In hopes of holding on to him, I continued to lose myself in the process and deal with situations I should not have.

With each stone thrown at me, I have come to know peace, understanding and forgiveness through turning to God. After turning to God, I learned that what was once a negative and a hurtful stone can turn into a positive one. I realized sometimes God places these obstacles and trials before us to humble us, and prepare us for what He truly has in store for us.

The Stones That Built Me Strong: Turn Hurtful Stones from Your Past Into Stepping Stones for Success! is available on Amazon.

About The Author:alissa

Alissa R. Jones is an author, motivational speaker, project director, woman of God and the list goes on…But most of all, she is a survivor. She is the Founder and Director of S.W.V., Survivors with Voices Foundation with a mission to help survivors embrace seen and unseen scars, find a voice, and heal. S.W.V. provides an outlet in which their voices may be heard. Alissa R. Jones was born and raised out of Springfield, Ohio. She currently resides in Houston, Texas with her husband Robbin A. Jones and their children. For more information, visit the author online at survivorswithvoices.com.