Re-Virgins Get No Love…

Hello World,

Ummm…I love Georgia Fall weather…The leaves are turning although it’s still warm enough to wear sandals…at least during the day…and all of the humidity of summer has evaporated…

But the weather is not the subject of today’s post…A few days ago, I read a Q&A with Tamera Mowry-Housley of “Tia & Tamera,” the reality show on the Style Network in which viewers are able to see Tia Mowry-Hardrict as she navigates her first pregnancy while Tamera, her twin sister, prepares to get married for the first time. Unlike other reality shows, this one actually has redeeming value and something to offer other than unabashed materialism, contrived girl fights and downright debauchery.

So last week, on the YBF (Young, Black and Fabulous) gossip blog, Tamera dispensed advice for brides and discussed interracial dating (her new husband Adam Housley is white) and why she decided to be celibate before marriage…

One question and answer really got my attention:

You mentioned on your show that you and Adam decided not to shack up.  Does that mean you went the Sherri Shepherd route and decided not to sex it up either?

I’ll be very honest. (Laughs embarrassingly)  We decided, it was both of our decision, not to live together for religious reasons.  I’m being very honest. We actually didn’t wait before we got married to be intimate…but we did wait 3 years. (The two have been together for 6 years). I wanted to do what felt right for me.  I became re-virginized. It’s something that just felt right for me. It was just a personal choice.  And even after being intimate, we decided as a couple to be celibate until the wedding.

So do what do you think about Tamera’s decision to be “re-virginized,” particularly after she already had sex with her fiancé? Throughout the Bible, you can find many references to virgins…And even in popular culture, virgins have made a name for themselves with movies like the HIGHlarious “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” or the Madonna classic “Like A Virgin.” But hardly anyone talks about “re-virgins.” What are the benefits of choosing to celibate after you have had sex…Is it truly possible to stop once you have sampled the goods, particuarly with the person you intend to marry? Does it offer any benefits? Where the re-virgins at?

Any thoughts?

Lady Gaga has nothing on Madonna…



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12 thoughts on “Re-Virgins Get No Love…

  1. This is a thought provoking topic. However,either you are a virgin or not. I understand for spiritual reasons people may choose to become celibate after losing their virginity. For that reason, I do ‘applaud’ this ‘new and bold’ standard. However, I still stand firm on belief that either you are or you are not a virgin.

  2. I know biologically you cannot be a virgin once you have had sex; however, I do think it is possible to be redeemed in the eyes of the Lord and reap spiritual benefits as well…And I certainly don’t think that if you have had sex, it is a license to keep doing so…

  3. I love Tia and Tamera’s show. It shows a different side of the sisters we watched grow up on TV. And I agree with you, Jackie. God forgives our past transgressions and will honor a new vow to Him. That’s just His nsture.

    • I believe that too…He is a forgiving God…And yes, it’s cool to see “Tia & Tamera” behind the scenes…Which husband do you like the best…lol…?

  4. When I separated from my husband in 1993, I remained celebate for five years. We divorced in 1998 and I began dating a really nice man, who after two years, became my God-picked husband!

    I guess you could say that I was a re-virgin. What joy to be celebrating the feelings of an 18 year older, while existing in a 50 year old body!

    I went through an annulment in my church and it was a very healing process. I truly feel that David is the only husband I’ve ever had. When we said our vows, I truly made them for the first time, not only with my mouth but also with my heart and soul. How wonderful to have a blessed marriage.

  5. What a poignant topic for our culture, Jackie. I agree that our God forgives and redeems. Turning away from sex before (or after) marriage is the same as turning away from any sin. Repentance is what God wants from us. I say this having done it all wrong! Chris and I lived together two years before we got married. That was before I was a believer, and trust me, I would have done it all soooo differently had I known what I know now. There’s a great book out there, by the way, called “The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free From Your Sexual Past” by Barbara Wilson, who is a Christian. Excellent, excellent book full of the hope and truth that Jesus doesn’t just want to forgive, He wants to heal.

  6. Jackie, since no males have chimed in I figure why not be the first.

    The question reminds me of Nicodemus’ question to Jesus about being born again, “Jess how do that happen again” (from my ebonic bible). I’m not really interested in the terminology of “re” birthing or virgining. Us educated self-realizationists can side track any good thought by being linguistic literalists. Putting aside the “obvious” (will never be a virgin again), is there value in the process? For me and my wife the answer is yes. More than anything it serves as a relationship strengthner.

    My case: My girlfriend (now wife) and I (both Christians then and now, BTW), started our relationship not sexually but soon progressed there. After several months we both got convicted more and more and finally decided to live for God rather than self. We then became celibate for 3 years (whew).

    More than anything it helped us redefine who we were in each other. Then it allowed us to really learn how to talk to each other (not a man thing I know). It’s amazing how much time sex consumes in a relationship when it is good. Did I mention 3 years without? Whew!

    I can truly say that it has strengthened our relationship and made our marriage better. That I am convinced is God’s gift for honoring God over ourselves. I now encourage single brothers (regardless of age) wherever I can to do it (or not do it I should say). All that talk time will definitely let you know if she or he is the one.

    If more women/couples re-virgined, maybe there would be less re-marriages. Just a thought. Did I mention 3 years? WHEW!

    • Thanks Cedric for chiming in as the sole male voice which, I think, has more weight considering the topic at hand! I truly agree, and I admire your testimony!!! Also, I miss seeing everybody so I have to get back soon… I do have one question though – Where can I find an ebonics Bible? LOL 🙂

  7. i hv decided to become “re-virginized”……..celibate once i get into a new rltnshp..though i fear being rejected for that,i’m goin 2 stand firm.i believe Jesus is more than willing 2 forgive than we are to repent.