Posted on Sunday, October 18, 2009

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…Let’s Talk About You and Me…

True or false?

Hello World!!!

After a blog writing hiatus (I needed it), I am back baby! So to get this party started right, I thought I would write about a subject sure to get a few comments…That’s right, I’m talking about sex…I’ve been hesitant to discuss this topic because of its very personal nature, and trust I won’t be revealing much about myself here…but inevitably, I knew I had to bring it up…so here goes…

If you’ve attended church for at least a month, you are pleasantly surprised to know that you can contact the God who rules this universe by simply praying. It’s a definite perk of being a Christian. And if you’ve been introduced to a few scriptures particularly those in Psalm, you know that God promises to take care of those who take the time to honor Him and seek His guidance – undeniably a benefit of being a Christian. And if you are at the right church, you discover that you can meet some really good people who can be “God with skin on” when you really need to hear from God through human voices…There are countless benefits to being a Christian!

But there a few edicts that come with being a Christian that frankly aren’t that appealing…one of those is premarital sex…Apparently, if you are married, you have a license to “get ur freak on,” but if you are single, you must “flee fornication. ” (I Corinthians 6:18 if you are interested…) I started hearing about all of the many verses in the Bible that discourage premarital sex when I was a teenager…At that point, it’s all good…You are still a little scared of boys anyway…Well, let me speak for me…As a teenager, I was not ready for sex…I knew I had all sorts of strange feelings when I looked at boys I considered fine, but the idea of having sex with them was certainly farther than I wanted to go…

Where these Biblical principles get tricky is when you are fully grown and you know what to do about it…Y’all know what I mean, right? It just ain’t cute anymore when you hit 30 years old, but it clearly states in God’s word, if you love Him, you will keep his commandments…(John 14:15)…So what are single Christian women and men of a certain age supposed to do when we are no longer “never scared” when it comes to sex…Being the bibliophile that I am, you know I’ve read numerous books about the topic…the most recent book I’ve read is “Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity” by Lauren F. Winner. She makes a lot of good points about why it’s wise to wait…

I may bring up some points from her book as I write this post, but let me bring up a few reasons I think that premarital sex may not be the way to go with or without the Bible verses…By most studies, women and men are getting married later in life as time progresses…Chances are most people have dated quite a few people by the time they finally do get married…so the potential to have had several sexual partners in a lifetime is quite possible…I just have to think that eventually could be draining mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually over time…Maybe for men that would not be as much of a factor, but from the women I know, every time you get involved with a man fully and it’s not your husband, a little piece of you dies…And it’s hard to be optimistic about dating over the long haul when you invest so much only to get back so little… ( I don’t care what the women in Sex and the City say…)

And while I believe in women’s liberation and all, we know that there are double standards in what is appropriate sexual behavior when it comes to women and men that cannot be denied…when you have sex with a man who is not emotionally invested in you, no matter what comes out of his mouth, he is not feelin’ you the same way you could be feelin’ him…A man recently told me that if he has sex with a woman he is not into, her whole house can go up in flames with her in it the moment he is done having sex with her, and he frankly wouldn’t care…That’s straight harsh, but it’s something to think about…And we all know that it takes a while for a man to get emotionally attached to a woman – typically much much longer than it takes a woman…And because men are hunters, we gotta respect the natural order of things…men respect what they have to wait for…if you just give him “hot sex on a platter” if takes away from the hunt…

Since I’m a black woman, I have to speak from that perspective…I think much of our issues in the black community can be traced back to our loosening values when it comes to premarital sex…In a conversation I had last night with a fine man (yes, I’m talking about you 🙂 ), I told him that if all single black women in the A decided to stop having sex unless they are married, there would be some real and quantifiable results. Let’s say that today, Sunday, October 18, 2009, women declared on the steps of the Fulton County Courthouse that there would be no sex without a ring…A year from today, I guarantee the marriage rate – whatever it is – would double…Women may be able to go without sex for a long, long while, but most men cannot go without sex for the same length of time…And the people who got married would be more likely to have long-lasting marriages as women and men would make choices that wouldn’t be as dependant on sexual attraction…As it stands now, when you tell a man that you are a celibate, he may stick around if really wants to be there, but he has many, many options if he suddenly decides he can’t take it anymore…

There would be no children born outside of wedlock…Yes, it’s possible to raise a healthy child as a single parent…I’ve seen it many times, but I think most single parents would rather raise their children as a two-parent household…Goodness gracious, I cannot even fathom all the changes that could come as a result of children being raised by two parents rather than one…We’ve all heard of some of the issues that children deal with when they are missing their mothers or fathers…More men would know how to be or even want to be real men because they would have seen it growing up…More women would make better choices about men because they were raised with their fathers…Poverty would decline as many single parents are poor…The jails would be less full because people would be more likely to learn responsible behavior because both parents were in their lives and were able to devote full attention to them…I know I’m skipping over a few things, but just consider what the ramifications could possibly be…

Who knows where sexually transmitted diseases come from, but I guarantee there would be less of them if people refused to engage in premarital sex…I don’t know all of the stats, but I think I’ve heard there are hundreds of STDs although only a few of them are well known – obviously HIV, HPV, herpes, etc.

I could go on, and this is by no means an organized discourse on the topic of premarital sex….these are just some random thoughts…The older I get, the more demystifying the term “sin” is to me…I simply think that sin is something that harms our relationship with God, our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with others…I think God declared that premarital sex is a sin because He knows how far reaching the effects are…

Any thoughts?

P.S. Yes, I know that one of the effects of this edict would be that the premium would go up on prostitutes…that’s another topic for another day…

P.P.S. And maybe the music about sex would get better too…Although everyone seems to be having sex nowadays – married or not – no one can really sing about sex like the old school singers…I remember the first time I saw the video for Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing.” I think I was six years old…I didn’t know what sexual healing was, but I was sure it was good…

Posted on Sunday, September 27, 2009

Rainy Night in Georgia…aka Where is God When It Rains?

Hello World!!!

I must confess…As a single person, it is easy to get self-centered…after all, you pay bills for one, you eat with one, you wake up with one…so it only makes sense you wouldn’t be very much concerned with anyone — except me, myself & I…

But last week, as it rained, rained, rained and rained some more here in A, even I was forced to take a look around and survey the damage…People were getting into rowboats from their windows to escape rising water in their homes, folks were stranded in their cars as they floated in the flood, people lost their businesses to the unforgiving currents and some even lost their lives…We may not have experienced floods comparing to Hurricane Katrina, but many were devastated nonetheless…

If you are anything like me, you are wondering why God allows these type of events to happen from time to time…there may be a clue in His word obviously…

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:45

So according to that verse, good and bad happen to the good and bad…somehow, that doesn’t seem quite right, does it?…it seems to me like if you are a Christian, you should have a sort of a heavenly insurance policy when bad things are happening all around you…it would seem that if you are trying to stay in His will, then He should be willing to spare you and yours when natural disasters or even unnatural disasters happen…But I am mature enough in this Christian walk to know that, yes, sometimes due to your status as a Christian, God will protect in you in ways that other people who aren’t Christian do not know about…but I also know that God often allows circumstances to happen to Christians to increase their faith in him and his sovereignty…

Yes, God is the ultimate Father…every Christian believes that…and so if we believe that, do we also believe that like earthy fathers, our Heavenly Father must punish us from time to time…Some people don’t think so, but as much as I am a “God is Love” Christian, I cannot ignore stories like Noah in the Bible…last week, some of my Facebook friends were joking about needing an ark because it was raining so much…but as I read their status updates, I began to consider that Noah and his family needed the ark, because our Father was destroying the land by water due to the evilness of the people at that time. So was God punishing Atlanta last week for some sin…was God punishing the city of New Orleans for some sin…who can say…God allowed Noah to know that was the case, and I believe that because that story was included in the Bible, we have to consider its ramifications…

For some of those who were affected by the flood last week, it may have been simply a case of God allowing things to happen to everyone…we don’t always know why, but believers in God can be assured that He will see them through…And for some, if you believe in the story of Noah, it may have been an example of God’s punishment! Only those people who were affected can say for sure…

At any rate, those of us who were spared from the storm or from other natural disasters, do have a responsibility as well..at least according to the Bible, we must apply the Golden Rule…

‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39

For me that means, giving what I can when I can – that may mean opening up my wallet, giving clothing or food, offering a listening ear — and of course praying for those who were affected by the storms last week…

So to those who suffered in the storms last week, I offer my condolences, support and prayers…

Also, I hope the lyrics to this song, “I Can See Clearly Now” by Jimmy Cliff also encourage you…

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It’s going to be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
Yeah, hey, it’s gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright)
sunshiny day.

Any thoughts?

P.S. And you know that rainbows are Biblical, right? This verse appears at the end of the Noah story…

Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth. Genesis 9:16

Posted on Sunday, September 20, 2009

Check In: 2009 will be a memory in nearly three months…

Hello World!!!

Can you believe it? September is nearly over, and after that, all we have left to 2010 is October, November and December. So since the year is more than half over at this point, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on our goals for this year.

One of my goals was to continue to work on making this blog the best it can be by planning topics in advance, booking guest bloggers, writing book reviews, etc. I haven’t done all that I had planned to, but I am satisfied with my progress. And I will continue to work on this goal as this year comes to a close. Another one of goals was to help plan this event for this organization that I am involved in. I’m happy to say that event went very well, and I’m really proud of myself.

But in reflecting on my involvement in that organization, I realized that I am often more committed to the goals of organizations and other people than I am to my own goals. That means that when somebody has asked me to do something, I get it done. But when I ask myself to do something, I may or may not get it done. That’s not good. I need to commit to myself that I will be as dedicated to my own goals as I am to other people’s goals.

I am most proud of myself for working on my financial status. I have saved more than I ever have before, and God has blessed my efforts by rewarding me with a few windfalls. I give thanks to God and my financial counselor. Another one of my goals was to commit “random acts of kindness” anonymously and otherwise for friends, associates, etc. Hmmm…I’ve got more work to do in this area…I had planned to write for four new publications this year. I have written several articles for one publication – not quite what I aspired to, but I am thankful and will keep pushing. And I have decided to investigate a new form of writing. This was not on my original list of goals, but in this economy, we all know it’s important to diversify your skills.

One of my goals for developing this blog was to create a market for my book After the Altar Call: A Young Black Woman’s Journey of Faith, but I still hadn’t developed any specific goals this year toward getting my book published. I had become so discouraged last year that I hadn’t approached any agents in a while, but I have decided to begin approaching agents again. To date, I have only submitted a letter to a single agent, so I have got to get busy. And if you know me, feel free to ask if I have submitted a letter to an agent lately. I need the encouragement.

And finally, I had some goals for my romantic life…awww, what can I say, what can I say…I have done my best…I haven’t gotten quite the results I had hoped for, but nevertheless I’m pressing on. In spite of my magic magnifying mind, I guess I will just have to take things one day at a time and see what unfolds…

To encourage me and you, I have decided to share two nuggets of wisdom that I love. If you are a Jamaican or were raised by a Jamaican, I’m sure that you know this Jamaican proverb or famous quote…(maybe this is why Jamaicans always have so many jobs, haha)

The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night.

And here is my favorite verse in the whole Bible. If you are anything like me, you know you are prone to making mistakes and causing your own misfortune, but thanks be to God, that He is in everything…

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Finally, I’m glad God is my on my side, but I’m also thankful for friends who God has often used to encourage me this year. Even if I don’t accomplish all of my goals, my friends are always there…thank goodness…Pastor Marvin Winans wrote a touching song about not having people to turn to in his time of need…I had forgotten how much I loved the song until he sang it in Tyler Perry’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself.” Check out the video below…how are you doing with your goals for 2009?

Any thoughts?

P.S. I don’t know what is on President Obama’s list of goals for the year, but what could possibly be wrong with providing affordable healthcare for everyone…

P.P.S. I am still “hoping, wishing & praying…”