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    jackieholness

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    Life is a roller coaster, not a Ferris wheel: AJ’s testimony of triumph over cancer

    AJ and Akosua on their wedding day...

    AJ and Akosua on their wedding day...

    Hello World!!!

    As I said in a previous post, I am not the only one with something to say…And in an effort to recognize other interesting views, I have created the series, “Your Turn,” through which I post stories written by other people.  I am honored to present the first entry in this series. This story is written by Anthony “AJ” Joiner, a celebrity in the Atlanta area. And without further ado…

    Last July, I announced I was leaving the radio to take care of a friend with cancer. It was a bit of a lie. I was the friend with cancer. Sorry for lying… but now I’m back! Cancer free and living my life like it’s golden.

    And I want to share my story with you.

    It was a beautiful, sunny Hotlanta day. The days that always remind me of Freaknic.

    It. Was. Perfect.

    On a visit to the doctor, I was told, “Mr. Joiner, we’ve found a strange mass in your throat. We’re going to have to run some tests…” You always know something is wrong when the nurse deflects and defers all of your questions with phrases like, “I don’t know Mr. Joiner, or you need to speak with your doctor.”

    After being poked, prodded and violated by nurses, doctors and a strange, older women wearing stilettos – they broke the news to me. “Anthony, you have a cancerous mass in your throat and a brain tumor.”

    Silence.

    “That c-c-can’t be right. I don’t feel sick. As a matter of fact, I had a physical in March and they said everything looked perfect,” I pleaded. “They drew blood and the whole nine,” I continued. “I don’t smoke – I really don’t even know a lot of smokers.”

    Another nurse entered the room and told me my brain scan was being looked at by a neurosurgeon and I would know whether it was malignant or benign in a few minutes. I stared at her coldly as she tried to remain upbeat and comfort me.

    Suddenly, I had an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. It was the feeling of being on a roller coaster JUST as it reaches the peak of its climb. You are about to drop – fast, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I felt helpless and hopeless.

    Fighting to hold back the tears from all of the emotions and thoughts that were running through my mind, I asked the nurse, “Am I going to die from this?”

    She went into this diatribe about blah, blah, blah, medical advancements and blah, blah, blah, survival rates and eating right and exercise and blah, blah, blah….

    I ignored her.

    I struggled to come to grips with my new condition, and in what seemed to be a desperate act of self-preservation, I made a silent promise to myself. “I will beat this.”

    The nurse, after leaving for a moment, came back in and told me the neurosurgeon looked at my scan and the brain tumor was benign – and I only needed a follow up appointment to run a few tests. I felt a little better – but not much.

    The first two people I thought about now were my girlfriend and my mother. How could I break the news that I had cancer? Several scenarios crossed my mind. Maybe I would just not tell my mom. No need to worry her. How would my girlfriend react?

    My girlfriend was in utter disbelief. She had all the same questions only from a concerned girlfriend perspective. Her response was, “We’ll make it through this baby.”

    My mother took the news like any mother would. Shock first, acceptance, and then resolve. “Mama will be with you every step of the way baby,” she affirmed. “God will never put more on us than we can bear.” I later learned that it really hit her very hard, but I never saw anything but a praying, strong mother. I love that woman.

    Surgery, chemo and radiation treatments followed in the next few months. These were the toughest five months of my life. I lost 53 pounds.  I lost the ability to speak above a whisper for about a month, and I felt as if no one could relate. At times, I would vomit for an hour. My girlfriend would try to get me to talk about how I felt, but it backfired. The drugs made me unresponsive, unattached and unemotional. She would say things like, “At least you only have a few more months, then it will all be behind you.” That would really piss me off. I felt like she was taking my sickness lightly. I would lose my temper and tell her not to say anything about it. At all.

    I was afraid and a bit uncertain, and I did not know how to handle it. So I lashed out at her. The person closest to you always has it the roughest. One day things came to a head when I could no longer keep myself together. She held me in her arms as I came unraveled. I felt so lucky and blessed to have her there with me. I promised to try and communicate better with her and to talk about my feelings when I felt up to it.

    In this struggle we learned that “being there” sometimes meant silence or space. Sometimes it meant only a smile. We learned to communicate through our own language since the radiation rendered me speechless for a while.  It was our love language. My cancer – though it was really tough – taught me a lesson about love and relationships. It took our friendship and love for each other to a place it had never been before. My sickness taught us to enjoy each day and to never take anything for granted – especially each other. It was in those months that she really went from my girlfriend to my forever. Through this ordeal, we learned that as long as we had each other, we could survive anything.

    My friends and family were there in a huge way too. My mother was right – you find out who your real friends are when tragedy hits. I had friends who would call just to say, “Hi” and friends who would call and pray on the phone with me. Others would come by and sit with me or read to me. Some friends would offer me rides to and from the hospital when my girlfriend was at work and I couldn’t drive, and some would rub my back as I vomited. One friend in particular flew across the country just so she could sit with me through one of my eight-hour chemo treatments. I’m grateful for all of the e-mails, all of the calls, and all of the prayers and the drop-in visits.

    I. Am. Blessed.

    Cancer has taught me several things over the last year and a half:

    1. It has taught me to let my loved ones know they are loved. Today.

    2. It has taught me to never, ever take the small things for granted.

    3. It has taught me to appreciate my strengths and work on my weaknesses.

    4. It has taught me to value true friendships.

    5. It has taught me gratitude.

    6. It has taught me to view the glass as half full. Things could ALWAYS be worse.

    7. It has taught me to accept grief and anger as necessary emotions.

    8. It has taught me that everyone is beautiful in their own way.

    9. It has taught me to recognize when I’m being petty and let it go.

    10. It has taught me to live. Now.

    At times it felt dark – but there was always a light to guide me to a safe place -my girlfriend, her family, my family, and our friends. I now know these are the true joys of life. I have just what I need – the basic important stuff.

    I can truly say the last year and a half was a hell of a ride. A cancerous roller coaster ride.

    But… I’ve always chosen the roller coaster over the Ferris wheel.

    P.S. Men… GO TO THE DOCTOR. I know we try to be macho-manly men, but get yourself checked out regularly. That pain you’ve been ignoring will only get worse if you don’t get it checked out. The doctors still haven’t identified the source of my cancer; however, if I had gone to the doctor when I first noticed the “bump” on my neck (11 months earlier), I wouldn’t have had to go through such aggressive chemo and radiation treatments.

    AJ was diagnosed with cancer in May 2006 when he was 33 years old. He has been cancer-free for three years. He proposed to his then girlfriend, Akosua, in November 2006, and they were married in September 2007. Aside from his 9-5 as an IT consultant,  AJ is also the creator of “The A Spot,” a movement through which AJ has developed a radio show, doled out relationship advice through an e-mail newsletter and promoted events. His current brainchild is First Thursdays at Django, a live music showcase. AJ is also an honorary chairman of the “Real Men Cook Atlanta,” which will be held on Sunday at the Georgia Railroad Depot from 3 to 6 p.m.

    I “met” AJ through spam…at least that is how I first perceived it…He sends out e-blasts several times each week about events in the Atlanta area. However, at the end each e-mail is a personal message through which he emotes about various issues in his life. At first, I was like, “Who is this guy that keeps sending me e-mail without my permission?” But now, I look forward to his e-mail. We’ve never officially met, but I consider him my virtual friend. His story about his ordeal with cancer was at the end of one of his messages a while ago. I thought his story would be the perfect way to kick off this series, and he honored my request by submitting his story…it’s a wonderful story…Check AJ out at theaspot.com.

    Any thoughts?

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    Is Obama the antichrist and other discussions inspired by the Obamas…

    Hello World!!!

    It’s hot to death in the A, ain’t it? A few weeks ago, I was contemplating buying a row boat to get around it was raining so much and now ya girl is two shades darker and sweating at the most inconvenient times…God must be like, “I make it rain, y’all complain…I make the sun shine, y’all grumblin’…it don’t stop!” Ha, ha, let me stop trippin’ and complainin’…Thank God it’s sunny!

    Okay, so last week, I was checking my home page at Facebook and one of my friends posted a most fascinating article, Crazy Right-Wing Myths About Obama 2.0: The Post-Inaguration Edition of Odd Things Conservatives Believe About Obama. Teleprompters! Hitler Youth! Satan!written by the Salon staff. Excellent piece! Wish I had written it!  The article includes an assemblage of ludicrous myths and the data to dispel them. So here are some of the myths they included…

    • Obama can’t function without a teleprompter, even uses it for answers at press conferences.
    • Obama’s stimulus provided cash for a “levitating train” between Disneyland and Nevada brothels.
    • Obama is a socialist.
    • Obama has created his own version of the Hitler Youth. And MY PERSONAL FAVORITE…
    • Barack Obama is the antichrist!

    So during the election, I heard whisperings from people around me that Obama could be the antichrist…after all, he descended on the scene without much of a warning. Cornell West said Obama “rose like Phoenix” in a speech at Morehouse last year. And anyone who has attended church for more than a year has heard about the antichrist and how he will mysteriously appear on the world scene…But I did not know there was a whole movement dedicated to this whispering…According to the article, there are several Web sites devoted to this topic such as www.barackobamantichrist.blogspot.com, www.obamaantichrist.blogspot.com and www.beastobama.com.

    On obamaantichrist.blogspot.com, there is a post about Obama distancing himself from the observance of the National Day of Prayer. The author states this is a reason why Obama could be the antichrist. But then, the author confesses about worrying at point if past President George W. Bush was the antichrist in the same article…That’s just weird…So on the one hand, this author thinks that Bush, the creater of the word “evildoer” could have been the antichrist and on the other hand, the most intelligent president we’ve had in quite some time is the antichrist…Sounds like an illness a few pills may help! The title of another post is “Obama and the Pagan Aspects of the White House Easter Egg Roll.”

    According to the article, the antichrist is described as “lightning from heaven” in the Bible which translates to “baraq o bama” in Hebrew…Biblical scholars is that true? And the president’s limo is nicknamed “the Beast.” And finally, on the day after the election, the winning lottery number in Illinois was 6 _ _…(Yes, I’m crazy superstitious…I have a hard time writing that number out for any reason…) So is that enough evidence for y’all? I’ve said this before, and I will say it again: Why the black man gotta be the antichrist? We’ve had slave masters, adulterers, racists and warmongers as presidents! Why does the black man have to be the antichrist?

    In other news, another one of my Facebook friends posted another article, “What Single Women Can Learn From Michelle: Would Most Type A Professional Women Have Dated Dated Barack When He was a Broke, Big-Eared Organizer With a Funny Name?” byJenee Desmond-Harris on the root.com. You can see where the author is going from the title. As we have all heard at this point, although our president was a summer associate from Harvard when he met our future First Lady, he was not the typical guy. He had a weird name. He was a community organizer. In one interview, President Obama said his car was so raggedy, you could see the road underneath the car. He had big ears.

    The author states that many black women would have overlooked him because he didn’t have swag at that point in his life…Do you agree? I’m not so sure about that…Yeah, he didn’t have swag but he was a black man at Harvard…I wouldn’t pass that up – raggedy car or not…But I can see where the author is going…many of us seem to overlook the regular guy who may be going places for the guy who seems to have already arrived…My girls and I have been discussing this issue for a while…One of my friends, who is known to date men with impressive credentials, said,”Where would one even meet a regular guy,” or something similar. Funny, huh? She said this statement after another friend recommended dating “regular guys.” What makes a man regular? That’s the question to ask I think…If regular means hard-working, decent, intelligent, attractive, Christian sans the snooty attitude, I’m ’bout it.

    But here’s another question: What Can Single Men Learn From Barack? As one commenter noted, are many Ivy-league educated black men checkin’ for that quintessential girl from around the way…? Or is it that once they have achieved that height, all they can see is white…y’all know what I’m saying…it’s certainly the move for many black men in power…Our First Lady is now known for her guns and style of dress, but I wonder if the same men that are praising her right now would be trying to step to her if they saw her at the light on Memorial Drive…She is smart and capable, but she doesn’t have Eurocentric features…so what many black men may need to realize is that smart, capable, assertive, undeniably black women are the way to go…As we’ve come to know, Michelle LaVaughn is the woman!

    So to the “around the way girls” myself included, I post this throwback LL Cool J jam:

    Any thoughts?

    Tripped me out at the beginning of this video when LL said he was looking for a “regular” girl, not Ivana but Tawanna…

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    Shout out to…Bethesda Baptist Church part two

    SignHello World!!!

    As I stated in Sunday’s post, I will be “shouting out” churches that have remarkable ministries inside or outside of the church in the “Shout out to…” series on a periodic basis.

    I “shouted out” Bethesda Baptist Church in Decatur, Georgia in a previous post. The church, through the leadership of its pastor,  Rev. Terrance J. Gattis, opened the House of Grace Health Care Clinic in February. Through this clinic, low-income, uninsured adults are able to receive FREE health care including exams, evaluation by a doctor, lab work and prescription services! The clinic, located at 3567 Covington Highway in Decatur,  is housed in a space donated by the Atlanta Belvedere Seventh Day Adventist Church.

    I wrote the post after reading an article about the clinic. I did not hear about the clinic through the pastor, any church members or anyone that has visited the clinic. However, after a Google search about two weeks ago produced my blog , the pastor of the church contacted me via my Facebook page and thanked me for my coverage of the clinic opening. He also gave me a update on their efforts.

    “House of Grace began the year with the goal of providing free primary and prevention health care services to the uninsured in the Decatur community.  Specifically, our goal is to provide support to 1,000 uninsured patients in 2009.  To date, House of Grace has treated more than 100 uninsured patients, while logging more than 250 hours of volunteer service from our doctor, nurse and support staff,” said Gattis.

    However, the clinic, which is open on the first and third Monday of each month from 6 to 9 p.m. , may have to scale back its services. Its sole doctor, Dr. C. J. Goodman, who recently opened a new practice, will only be available on one Monday per month starting in July. In addition to expressing his gratitude for my first post, Pastor Gattis also appealed me to write another post about his search for another physician to help staff the clinic.

    “To help meet our goals for the year, we are desperately seeking a doctor, pa or clinical practical nurse who is willing to donate 3 to 6 hours of volunteer service per month.  Sovereign immunity protection is provided by the state, so issues of liability have been mitigated.  In short, we need someone who is willing to help us demonstrate the ethic and love of Jesus Christ and care for “the least of these” (Matt. 25:40), by blessing others with their time, talent and gifts.”

    In an effort to demonstrate the clinic’s impact in a just a few months, I interviewed Pastor Gattis, Dr. Goodman and Deborah Hightower, a patient of the clinic.

    The clinic is staffed by one doctor, a nurse, two medical assistants and four intake specialists – all volunteers. Potential patients travel to the clinic from as far as Loganville and Duluth to receive services and starting getting in line outside the clinic hours before the clinic opens. Only a few of those in line on each Monday are able to be evaluated at the clinic.  “The lines begin at 4 p.m.,” explained Gattis. “We hand out 12 numbers [to patients.] After that we are done.”

    While the clinic is available for homeless people, none of have showed up on the clinic’s doorsteps. “We haven’t seen any indigent people,” said Gattis. “We see working people who have no insurance or people who are in between jobs. These people look like you and me.”

    Such is the case for Deborah Hightower, who has been out of work for about a year. However, at her last job, she was employed on a part-time basis and did not have any health care benefits. She was excited after she heard about the clinic when she visited Bethesda Baptist with a friend. “I thought this is going to be great,” Hightower said. “I will be able to get the services I need without health insurance or any income.”

    She visited the clinic months later after she began experiencing symptoms related to her high blood pressure. The first time she went to the clinic she was turned away as there many others in line ahead of her. The second time she arrived at the clinic hours earlier and was pleased with how she was treated at the clinic.

    “They treated me with compassion, grace, respect and kindness,” said Hightower. “Tht’s what I got when I walked in the door. They pay attention to you, and that is what you need.”

     While patients wait to be seen by the medical staff, they have the option of receiving counseling and or prayer by Gattis or a church minister.

    “When a person signs in, there is an area on the sign-in form that asks if a person would like prayer and or pastoral counseling.  On average, about one out of three of the people select yes to one or both,” explained Gattis. ” So, while they’re waiting to be seen by the doctor,  either I or one of the ministers from our church will take them to a private area to pray or provide pastoral counseling.  During this time, if we discover that a person needs additional resources (from rental assistance to MARTA cards to food and clothing), we provide what they need or direct them to the necessary resources.”

    Hightower appreciated both the medical attention and the counseling she received while at the clinic. “It helps you to relieve stress and get encouragement. I haven’t had any income in the past two months.”

    Dr. Goodman agreed that many of the clinic’s patients need more than just medical attention. She recalled one patient who Goodman suspected was an alcoholic.

    “She didn’t come in because she was an alcoholic,” Goodman explained. “I think she came in for an annual exam. Her speech was slurred. Alcoholics have a particular syntax even when they are sober. ”

    As the woman talked, Goodman listened before finally interupting her. “I said, ‘Why don’t we take care of your body, soul and spirit? Will you let me help you instead of giving you a prescription?’ ” The woman began crying as Dr. Goodman spoke. “A lot of people are sick physically, but many are sick emotionally. It is necessary to have a discerning ear.”

    Dr. Goodman belives that many ailments are simply caused by poor nutrition, and patients are also able to receive nutritional counseling at the clinic. Hightower learned that many of her symptoms were caused by her nutritional habits.

    “I was told to drink more water and that I was eating too much sugar and sodium,” she said with a laugh.

    Although Hightower laughed as she described her eating habits, she became serious at the thought of the clinic cutting back its services or even closing. She appealed to doctors who may be thinking of volunteering their time at the clinic.

    “We would not be able to receive the help that we so desperately need without you,” she said.

    Doctors may contact Pastor Gattis at (404)  610-1256. Please spread the word!

    Any thoughts?

    P.S. I have attached one of my favorite old-timey sounding gospel songs, “Come On In the Room,” by the Georgia Mass Choir. Jesus is the ultimate doctor for sure, but He also heals through medical doctors…