Posted on Sunday, November 16, 2014

Submission & Stove Buying…A Newlywed Story…

Hello World,

My all-time favorite TV newlyweds…Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert Wayne from “A Different World”

I wonder how long you are a technically a newlywed…According to Psychology Today, two years is the maximum to be considered a newlywed…That’s good because although Robert and I have been married over a year now, I’m experiencing new things all the time with him and have no idea how to navigate the newness…

One area that I am ever considering is the dreaded s-word…If you are a Christian wife, you already know…I am referring to SUBMISSION (yes Jesus…the word that scares me more than a Stephen King movie…And the only reason I can sleep in complete darkness now is because I have someone sleeping with me…so I’m a scary person by nature…) Ever since my pastor, who you know is my father if you have read my blog posts for any amount of time, preached on submission this summer, I have been wondering just what it means in my marriage or any marriage…

After I got over the weirdness of thinking my father preached that sermon directly to me (since he knows firsthand that no one but God is the boss of me), I started considering just what it means to be a submitted wife…I’m still not sure, so I kinda moved on in my head…(read: relegated it to the recesses of my mind) but when I saw a FB post by FB friend and fellow author Demetria Lucas D’Oyley, also a newlywed, I began thinking about S-word again in earnest…Basically, she said was wondering about the term and noted that it was a concept that rarely came up as she consulted with various married couples leading up to when she got married and that submission seems to be only a Christian concept…She got 146 responses from that singular post…I even commented a few times…

I made a few a definitive statements probably leading people to believe that submission makes me feel like this…

But the rest-my-hand-on-the-Bible truth is that submission makes me feel like this…

I want to speak in tongues and run all up and down the church aisle because seeking guidance from God because I just don’t know what to do ~~sometimes..~~.

Case in point…Yesterday hubby and I went to stove shopping…We agreed on a budget…That part went smoothly…But the rest of it…not entirely smooth…

First point of contention…Hubby and I have known for several months that we needed a new stove so because hubby is always excited about buying new gadgets even domestic ones, he researched various stoves that he thought would be a good months ago….Me, ever the procrastinator, didn’t start researching until yesterday…that’s right the day we had designated to shop…

Second point of contention…When I did started my research, I started with Clark Howard…He represents all things good when it comes to lovable geekdom and saving more and spending less…He recommends that you should NEVER buy an extended warranty on appliances because they are basically useless as most appliances are pretty reliable nowadays…Hubby disagreed with Clark…

Third point of contention…The bells and whistles…Hubby has duly noted that I…and I hesitate to admit this…am not a domestic goddess…Cleaning anything (except my body) is usually not my first thought…Should we pay for additional bells and whistles like self-cleaning and what not? Hubby said yes…Me…see above…I’m all about that saving more and spending less even if means that I only clean the stove if I think someone will see it…

By now, you are probably wondering did hubby have his way or did I? I won’t share all of my business here but I’m happy to say we are the proud owners of a brand new stove…the first time I’ve ever bought a major appliance even…

But this morning, I’m wondering what was the submissive thing to do in this situation?…

If you are unfamiliar with the term submission, below is how it is mentioned in the Bible…

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24

Below are a few stories, interviews and blog posts I have found about submission that I plan to read and think about…

“What’s So Scary About Submission: Six Secrets About What the Bible Really Teaches?” by Kevin Miller on todayschristianwoman.com
“5 Christian Men Talk Candidly About ‘Distasteful’ Women, Submissive Wives and Why Sex Is So Important” by Nicola Menzie on christianpost.com
“The Top 10 Things That Submission Is Not” on warriorwives.net
“7 Misconceptions About Submission” by Mary Kassian on girlsgonewise.com
“Liberated Through Submission With Bunny Wilson” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss on reviveourhearts.com

So how do you define submission, and what has it meant in your marriage? Does submission only work for Christian couples?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Can the Black Church Cheat Black Women Out of Marriage & Kids…

Hello World,

If the election results in your state didn’t go quite the way you voted, shake it off today…God’s mercies are new every morning…Stay engaged, but more importantly stay prayed up…Okay, off of my political soapbox and on to the issue of the day on this here blog…

This week I have happened upon three articles about black relationships that have caused me once again to lament the messages that are being disseminated about the state of black on black love…

On Sunday, I read this article “No Scrubs? The Dilemma of Modern African-American Women” by New York Post reporter David Kaufman….According to this misguided writer, the choice of Rachel Noerdlinger, chief of staff for City of New York First Lady Chirlane McCray, to be with ex-con boyfriend Hassaun McFarlan is proof that black women have nobody to date and must date ex-cons if they hope to be with black men at all…and that the only choice for black women at this point is to boo up with white wen…I know Rachel Noerdlinger assists the wife of an elected official, but who elected her Black Women’s Dating President…I am reasonably sure this is not a title she even wants…Obviously this woman likes a “bad boy” for whatever reason…She is not the first one and she won’t be the last one to like a rough neck…and that goes for women of all races…

A day later, I see this – “Well-Traveled, Intelligent Black Man, 34, Seeks ‘Sista’ OK With Him Making Less Money” on theroot.com…Jermaine Terrell Star says the sistas ain’t checkin’ for him because although he “spent all of [his] 20s traveling around Eastern Europe—mainly through Peace Corps, Fulbright and language study-abroad programs—and earning degrees,” he wasn’t making moves on the career front, relegating him to a lower salary when he finally did enter the working world…making him not the optimum choice for black women who entered the working world when they were in their ’20s and have the salaries to prove it…

So which is it? Are black women forced to choose from ex-cons or not willing to date black men who don’t quite measure up financially? I just don’t think both can be true…

Now on to the article that made me have to gone head and whip up this blog post…“How the ‘Black Church’ Cheated this Woman Out of the Possibility of Marriage With Kids…” Raina T. Shaw on beyondblackwhite.com said that while she was yet holdin’ on for a black man in the church since she was 19 years old (praying, tithing, believing and serving/volunteering in the church), — the saved and sanctified men eventually passed her up for “someone that wasn’t even in church. Usually, it was somebody that they fornicated with and got sexually turned out. After that they didn’t care if the woman was “saved” or not. He was going to make a convert out of this freak of the week with three kids! The men talked holiness, chastity and celibacy but wanted the same thing that other non-Christian men wanted after all. The church girls got tricked and are tricked on a continuous basis to this day.”

Then she went on to say that the black church encourages black women “to settle for under achievers, ex-cons, drug addicts, men on the downlow that are fighting the feeling, men with many divorces and children, under and unemployed but they get a pass from the saints because they know all of the scriptures.”

Finally, she broke it all the way down and said she does not regret “passing on marrying and having children with dysfunctional, unmarriageable men but, I am absolutely sure that had I not limited my dating pool to so called ‘saved,’ “Christian” men in the black church and black men in general, I would now be a wife and mother.” Oh yeah, she is also looking forward to “tak[eing] up with a non-black gentleman that recognizes and appreciates a black queen like myself when he encounters one.”

You may also want to check out similar commentary on “Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?” which is about Jacque Reid’s quest to find a quality man…

Now, let me be clear…I’m not against interracial relationships…wherever you find love or love finds you is beautiful… but I am against black women being cast as desperate and without options and black men being cast an ex-cons or not marriage material altogether…What say you?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Sunday, September 21, 2014

Making Your Divine Appointment…

Hello World,

Delta Authors on Tour…

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day…I had gotten up around 5:30 a.m. to pray and write and then I mapped out the rest of day…I had planned to go the Delta Authors on Tour event for a couple of hours and then get on with my Saturday washing clothes, grocery shopping, etc. – basically the mundane stuff…

In my mind, I was grumbling about the various things I needed to get done – the fun stuff and not-so-fun stuff…I LOVE to write, but writing this first novel has been a challenging feat for me for several reasons…For the sake of brevity, I will only name two…Reason #1…Up until the last year or so, I haven’t read a novel in some years…I’m a non-fiction afficionado…In fact, even though I’ve been a part of a book club that has read novels for roughly 16 years, I have read very few of them (I’m grateful they allow me to come back to meetings 🙂 ) Reason #2…Since I’m trained as a journalist, I can whip up a competent article or two or three if threatened in a few hours…But writing chapters and for hundreds of pages is a marathon I’ve never run before…

The not-so-fun stuff was obviously my household chores…Sometimes my week is so hectic, I have to relegate mundane chores to the weekend…and the last thing I want to do on a weekend is wash clothes, plan meals, clean, etc. When I was single, I could ignore all of the not-so-fun stuff and let things pile up including dishes, clothes, dust bunnies, etc. But now that someone is living with me, I no longer have that luxury…(although my husband would probably argue that I still allow myself that luxury…)

Sorors Dr. Fran Breakfield & L.D. Wells...

Sorors Dr. Francene Breakfield & L.D. Wells…

So yesterday, I had all of that planned as I charged into Greenbriar Mall where the Delta Authors on Tour event was held. My plan was to stay there for two hours tops…I was there to support two of my collegiate chapter sorors L.D. Wells and Dr. Francene Breakfield and then meet newly minted Soror Suzan Johnson Cook, who is not only a former pastor and current author, she also served as the United States Ambassador-at-Large for International Religious Freedom…But when I was told Soror Johnson Cook wouldn’t be there until 3 p.m., I realized that my day would unfold as planned…

Me & Soror, Dr., Ambassador & More Suzan Johnson Cook…

How many of you know that “in their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps?” (Proverbs 16:9)

What I understand now is that I had a divine appointment to be there and not just for two hours but for the WHOLE day…I got there early about 11 ish in the morning and didn’t make it home until roughly the same time last night…

Me & Soror Victoria Christopher Murray…

While I was there I met Soror Suzan Johnson Cook whose book “A New Dating Attitude” made me know that I know that I know that I truly know my husband was and is God’s best for me…But that wasn’t the only reason I was there…I reconnected with authors I’ve met before such as Victoria Christopher Murray and met authors I’ve never met before such as Angela Ray, Dr.

From left to right, Dr. Martha Ward Plowden, L.D. Wells, Brenda Jackson, Dr. Fran Breakfield

Majorie L. Kimbrough, Dr. Martha Ward Plowden, Ruth P. Watson, Stephanie Perry Moore and Brenda Jackson…In fact, I hobnobbed with the Delta Authors on Tour so much I was invited to go to dinner with them that evening at The Pecan restaurant in downtown College Park…New York Times Best-Selling Author Brenda Jackson, who I’m ashamed I’ve never heard of before yesterday, has written over 100 books!!! (Y’all know she has been blessed by God, all gifts do come from Him…)

Stephanie Perry Moore and one of her adorable young fans…

The conversation at dinner encouraged me to continue in my divine appointment of being a wife (maybe mother someday…I know I’m 41 and the countdown has started…Mind yo business 🙂 ) and an author with dreams so big only God can accomplish them through me…

As I and some of the author Delta Authors on Tour made our way back to our cars, little did we know that we had another divine appointment…We met a dynamic downtown College Park business owner that regaled us with story after story after story of her “mustard seed” faith and how she encourages people to not only dream but to WAKE UP!

Don’t we look hungry? LOL…Me & Angela Ray…

And I’m only giving you the “public personal” version of the divine appointments that I experienced yesterday because I’m still pondering everything and this is the Internet…lol…

So this morning, I’m awake and ready to continue to writing this novel that I hope to have “spit shined” and ready for perusal next month…Y’all keep me in prayer…

Won’t He Do It! Guess What? He Already Did!

Any thoughts?