Posted on Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Resilience & the Bible: How to Use Scriptures to Bounce Back From – Losing Your Home

A Thanksgiving Post...

Hello World,

Today’ s post is the second installment of my 7-month interview series entitled “Resilience & the Bible” which is about how Scriptures can be used to bounce back from the trials we all have to go through from time to time. Once a month, I feature someone who has used Bible verses to bounce back! If you know of someone who has bounced back using Scriptures and would like to be featured on my blog, please e-mail me at jacqueline@afterthealtarcall.com.

How to bounce back from losing your home is the focus of this month’s “Resilience & the Bible” blog post. I don’t know about you, but at this time of the year, the Thanksgiving season, I am especially thankful for my home, and I couldn’t imagine if I had no home, but that is what Kimberly Atkins faced in August 2005 as she, her husband and three children lived in New Orleans. Ten years ago in August was the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Kimberly credits three Bible verses with helping her to survive this storm, both literally and figuratively, in her life.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Psalm 91: 1-2

And she vowed a vow, and said, O Lord of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the Lord all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head. 1 Samuel 1:11

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Please describe what happened when you and your family faced losing your home in Hurricane Katrina.

The storm hit Aug. 29. That was early Monday morning. My cousin who is a pastor in Cincinnati visited us about a week before Hurricane Katrina hit, and she saw a vision. She saw men who were boarding up the house, and she woke up the next day and said, ‘When did those men leave?’ Also in her vision, she saw, I guess they were angels pushing water away from the house. And when she shared that with us, of course, it was before the hurricane, we thought, ‘Maybe she’s going a little wacko.’ But we didn’t say anything because I respect her as a woman of God.

Two days before the hurricane, I had an eerie experience. I had a feeling something was going to happen, but I had no idea what it was. I had no idea there was going to be a hurricane that was a category 4 storm. I had an agitation in my spirit. I thought it could be the group of kids that my son was hanging around. I couldn’t sit still. I was on edge. And I saw my neighbors plowing down the street with loads of plywood. I thought, ‘Well, what is that for?’ I’m from the Midwest, but apparently, they were from the area and knew what to do when there was a warning of a hurricane.

It was also really interesting because my niece was scheduled to have a wedding in Cincinnati during Labor Day weekend which would have been the weekend after Hurricane Katrina, but we had to evacuate because the mayor of New Orleans said to evacuate. We evacuated on Aug. 28^th early Sunday morning. And so as we were preparing, I felt compelled to get my garments for the wedding in Cincinnati because I was in the wedding and take them with us. My husband said, ‘You don’t have to take those. We will be back.’ I said, ‘No, I just sensed that I needed to grab them.’ My girls were in the wedding too so I got their dresses, shoes and jewelry. I just felt like we wouldn’t be back. Sure enough, about 5:30 a.m. that morning the 29th, the storm hit, and by then we are at my mother-in-law’s home in Birmingham, Alabama. And we were watching the storm, and we didn’t know what to think. Probably a week later, I had tons and tons of friends who were calling me because they were worried. Cell phones weren’t like they are now, and people couldn’t get through to me. The path of the storm mirrored the path of our evacuation so once we got to Birmingham, we saw trees that had been uprooted. I mean huge trees. And my father was calling my sister saying, ‘They haven’t gone far enough. They need to go to at least Tennessee.’ And if you go back and look at some of the news records during that time, you’ll see there was some devastation even in Alabama and in Georgia.

What did you think about your home and everything else as you watched the news coverage?

As I watched the coverage, I was pleading the blood of Jesus over our home. Actually before we left, I remember going outside in our driveway and just like Jesus, I spoke to those winds. I rebuked the winds. I believe we have power in the name of Jesus. I invited God to sit on our window sills, our roof and to protect our home.

And as I watched CNN, I was amazed. I was thinking about my church members. I was thinking about the kids that my children went to school with. I thought about my friends and where we had just gone to dinner a week or two before. And I knew they were closer to the storm because they were in the central part of New Orleans. And I just wandered would everything be okay. It was so devastating to see people holding the signs and looking for helicopter rides to safety. I was totally numb because I was thinking about the people. I couldn’t believe it. It was literally unbelievable. We were glued to the TV.

How did these Scriptures help you to cope?

In Psalm 91, these scriptures help center me on that space in my home that I basically created as an altar where I can go before the Lord and spend time with Him and become intimate with Him. And when I am in that secret place, I have oneness with God, I am encouraged and I am built up. That is a Scripture that I take with me. I share it with my children. It was a scary time. I mean there was an opportunity to be fearful.

And in 1 Samuel 1, it is Hannah saying, ‘Lord help.’ She went to the Lord, and she laid out on the table, ‘here’s my affliction. I need You to remember me. Don’t forget me.’ And I remember having a conversation with God before the hurricane hit. I went into my bedroom closet, and I said, ‘Lord, please, if everything else is destroyed, please spare my photos because those photos can’t be replaced.’ We have three kids so we had a lot of boxes. And I remember having that conversation with God. I guess it was just an act of faith in itself to leave them, and I trusted that He would protect them. Looking back, I guess I could have just grabbed them and thrown them in a big garbage bag. It was a unique and different experience, and I just didn’t know what to do. That’s why I was just encouraged by this verse to go to God and say, ‘Help me, help me in my affliction.’ Also, during that time, I had been diagnosed with a medical condition for which there is no cure. It was a trying time – a perfect storm. No pun intended.

Psalm 121:1-2 are my mom’s favorite verses. I was really clear on where my help comes from because at that point, I really couldn’t even describe what I was feeling so Scripture really helped me get through it. Despite the circumstances, my help is in God.

What happened after the storm ended?

Once we understood the extent of the devastation, we knew we needed a more permanent solution than to stay at my mother-in-law’s home for a week. So we moved back to Cincinnati back into my parents’ home. The kids slept with grandparents. The two younger kids. And my son and I slept on my couches. I mean we just kind of made do. I wasn’t working at the time so my husband came to Cincinnati and just stayed with us a couple of weeks. Then, he had to go back to Louisiana. He worked at a Folgers plant in New Orleans, and he had to help get the plant up and running again. And that was an ordeal in itself. When my husband went back to our town, he said it looked like it was war torn. He said he had never seen anything like it. Power lines were down. Everything was flooded. Our church was flooded. Our first lady of our church. Her Porsche was floating in water. Our children’s schools were flooded. All of the infrastructure was gone. There were no grocery stores. There were no ATM machines. There were no banks.

How were your children affected?

Our son was more resilient than the girls. I remember taking the kids to a school in Cincinnati for the first time, and one of our daughters was just screaming. It was just the new surroundings and not understanding why we couldn’t just go back home. The school system gave us donations because we just had the bare essentials. We had to start all over with new school supplies, not having birth certificates, all of the critical things we needed were in Louisiana. We had a wonderful woman named Pam Abrams who adopted us. I remember the first dinner that she served us. I mean the love and the reception from the community was just awesome.

When did you find out what happened to your home?

About couple of weeks later, we found out our home had been spared. I mean we had some damage in the back and maybe a couple of shingles were gone, but that was it. I remember my husband telling me that when he went to our house, he saw a water mark on the house that was about seven feet in height. Our yard was flooded. Debris was everywhere so you could tell that water had surrounded the house, but it wasn’t damaged inside. We thought about the vision my cousin had about the men boarding up the house and the angels. It was just a miracle that we give God all of the praise and glory for!

You and your family moved back to New Orleans in 2006 but then permanently relocated to Cincinnati in 2007. Why?

It was very slow in the whole rebuilding process in New Orleans, and I had tried to get on at the Folgers’s plant in New Orleans but I didn’t get the job. So I felt like it was God saying to move back home. Also, I know my mother was praying for me to come back too because she wasn’t comfortable with her daughter living on the Gulf Coast anymore.

As it is the Thanksgiving season, how do you feel now every Thankgiving knowing that you have been through this ordeal?

I am very grateful, and now I see Thanksgiving as just not an opportunity to stuff myself with carbs, but I actually see Thanksgiving as a time to bless others. I have a friend who has a son with an illness, and I called her a couple of days ago. I said, ‘Let me know how I can help you.’ And she said, ‘You know if you could make a couple of sides for me and bring them over, I would really appreciate that.’ That’s just an example of something I do to not focus on my problems and focus on the needs of others because someone did that for me 10 years ago. And I want to make sure I give back.

Kimberly Williams Atkins is an author, Bible teacher, and inspirational speaker. Her articles have appeared in Applause! Magazine and The Albany Journal. A survivor of a debilitating disease with no medical cure, Kimberly boldly proclaims God’s healing power, love, and glory. For over 20 years, she has served as director of women’s ministries for her church and passionately ministers to many women who are rejected and abused.

In her recently released first book Empowering Women To Walk In God’s Glory: A Practical Guide for Real Life Situations, Kimberly helps women find the path for walking in God’s glory. Thanksgiving is a great time, Kimberly says, to consider and learn about God’s glory, because when we understand His tremendous power that works on our behalf, we cannot help but be thankful as we ask for His help. To enter a random drawing to win a free copy of her book, click HERE to subscribe to my blog and receive an email whenever I post AND leave a comment on this post! I will choose the winner next Wednesday!

Kimberly is a senior manager for a Fortune 100 company. She and her husband, Brian, have three children and live in Cincinnati, Ohio. For more information about Kimberly, go to kimberlyatkins.net.

For more Bible scriptures online, go to BibleGateway.com.

Any thoughts?

Posted on Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Do You Believe In Married Sex Fasts, Married Sex Given Grudgingly or Marital Rape?

Hello World,

Far be it from me to judge what married and consenting adults do in their bedroom, but I have come across three articles that have got me thinking about sex, sex fasting and consent from a Christian perspective. A few days ago, actor and former football player Terry Crews got folks talking when he told The Huffington Post that he and his wife of 25 years, Rebecca, fasted from sex for 90 days!

Below is the video.

Crews, who is a Christian, said the end result of the 90-day sex fast was that he was “more in love” and “more turned on” than before and that the couple’s emotional intimacy deepened. The Bible does address marital sex fasts. Check out the verse below.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5

Do you believe that married couples should undergo sex fasts periodically to strengthen their emotional intimacy? Have you ever tried a 90-day sex fast as a married couple or for any amount of time? Did the marital sex fast work for you?

Now let’s switch it up a bit. What if one may want to fast from sex but is willing to have sex with his or her mate although grudgingly? After seeing the story “Christian Website: Don’t Look at Your Wife’s Face During Sex to Enjoy It Even When She Resists” on rawstory.com, this copulation conundrum piqued my curiosity! According to the post “How a Husband Can Enjoy Sex that is Grudgingly Given by His Wife” on the website biblicalgenderroles.com, if the wife isn’t really feeling sex at the moment but is still willing to get it on, the husband should focus “on her body, not her face.” The wife’s face (who is obviously giving the gas face because she doesn’t want to be having sex) is compared to Medusa’s face as ‘sin is ugly. Your beautiful bride’s face becomes ugly during this sinful time that she is grudgingly giving you sex as she grimaces wanting you to ‘just hurry up and get it over with.”’

Another biblicalgenderroles.com post was pointed out in rawstory.com as well. In the post “Is a Husband Selfish for Having Sex With His Wife When She is Not the Mood?” ,while a husband forcing himself on his wife or abusing his wife is not advocated, “despite American laws to the contrary, Biblically speaking, there is no such thing as ‘marital rape.’ In the Scriptures, the only way rape occurs is if a man forces himself on a woman who is not his property (not his wife, or concubine). A man’s wives, his concubines (slave wives taken as captives of war or bought) could be made to have sex with him, no questions asked.”

Now, the verse before the Scripture I referenced above states:

The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.1 Corinthians 7:4

So whaddaya think?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Friday, October 23, 2015

Resilience & the Bible: How to Use Scriptures to Bounce Back From – Rebellious Teenagers

Hello World,

Today is an exciting day for me! I’m launching a 7-month interview series entitled “Resilience & the Bible” which is about how Scriptures can be used to bounce back from the trials we all have to go through from time to time. Once a month, I will feature someone who has used Bible verses to bounce back! If you know of someone who has bounced back using Scriptures and would like to be featured on my blog, please e-mail me at jacqueline@afterthealtarcall.com.

How to bounce back from rebellious teenagers is the focus of this month’s “Resilience & the Bible” blog post. I am pleased to introduce Dr. Bonita Senior, who raised two sons, who are nine years apart, as a single parent. While both of her sons, who are 30 and 39, are doing well now, they both rebelled as teenagers despite how they were raised. Dr. Senior credits three Bible verses for helping her to deal with her rebellious teenagers.

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15

And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. Hebrews 12:13

For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13

Please read her story and be encouraged and inspired!

Please describe the rebellion of your oldest son.

His rebellion started when he finished 12^th grade. He finished with a partial book scholarship. He finished with a certificate of being a hard-working average student, and he was accepted to Savannah State University. So I sent him off to college. I don’t think he finished a semester before he said it wasn’t for him. So I was like, ‘Cool. Then you need to go to work. College is not for everybody.’ He came back home to live with me. Then I started seeing signs of drugs in my house. I would be gone to work about eight or nine hours so he was left to make decisions for himself. And he didn’t have school to keep him occupied. So I would come home from work, chilling out, and I would see the evidence of marijuana. I would see evidence of cocaine. I would see the little razor blades, etc. I confronted him, and of course, he denied it and said, ‘Oh no, mom, I’m not doing a thing.’ I knew what I saw. I stood on that. You are getting with the wrong crowd. And that’s the other thing I saw in his senior year in high school. He would hang out with the guys who were on the wrong track. I even had teachers who would tell me, ‘Bonita, he does not need to be with that group.’ I would talk to him and talk to him, conference with him in hopes that he would listen, but he didn’t. He started hanging with that crowd and from that crowd came the drugs.

And what happened from that point?

From the drugs came the selling of drugs. And from the selling of drugs, I remember getting into my car one morning, and my seat had been adjusted. I went under the seat to readjust it, and there was a gun under the seat. I was in so much pain because I had raised him alone and the last thing a single parent wants for her son is to be that statistic. So I was hurt, devastated, but I continued to do what I had learned from the Scriptures, from church, from my spiritual groups which was confront it, say something so kept confronting it, saying something. At this point, he’s 18, he’s 19, he’s continuing to do it. There was nothing I could do. He decided I’m going this route regardless of what mother says. So what I did was continue to go to church, continue to talk to spiritual people, cry, pray, but not enable him. I did not clean up his messes. When he would go to jail for speeding or being caught with drugs, I didn’t get him out. He would stay in jail, but then my mom would go get him out. I would ask her not to, but she would go get him out. I tried to tell her, ‘This is what is called tough love.’ I know how I raised my son. If I clean up all of his messes, he won’t get the message. But she would always get him out so he didn’t get the message. I would say to him, ‘You know you were raised. I do not agree with this, and I’m not going to support you with this.’ So he went through that for about two or three years.

The last time he got in trouble with drugs, he didn’t get out of jail quickly. He was sentenced to two years, and he had to do those two years because my mom couldn’t get him out of that. She would get lawyers for him and everything. I told him I raised you to be a contributing citizen of society so I went on with my life. But I did cry just about every other day. I literally had to sit on my hands some days. I would go to church and talk with my minister and cry. And I remember one day, my minister told me, ‘Bonita, get out of God’s way.’ My minister said I was still holding on, trying to turn him around. In other words, let go and let God.

How did you use Scriptures to help you with your situation with your son?

These Scriptures, like the foolishness is bound in the heart of a child and that God would drive it far from him, that helped me because it told me that it’s not unusual for a child to make wrong choices, but that God could drive it from him. And I think that’s why my minister was saying, ‘Get out of the way. God is going to have to handle it. You’re not capable.’ And Hebrews 12:13 with the straight paths for your feet, I looked at if as if God was saying, ‘I can straighten this out.’ He could straighten my son out and get him to go in the right direction. My job is to trust.

So what happened when he got out of jail?

Well, during that two-year period, by not being able to be influenced by those boys, I guess God was able to work with him. I used to go visit him ,and he would tell me, ‘Mom, most of these people down here didn’t come from a home like mine. I’m just so sorry for thinking this was a better life than what you gave me.’ So something happened in those two years he was in prison. He was about 22 years old when he got out. When he came back, I let him live with me, and he was through with that lifestyle. All I can do is give the credit to God! From there, he got a job. Then he got married. And he has spent the rest of his adulthood up until now being a great husband, raising his two children, being a coach, and he did it himself. All I did was continue to model for him what a healthy life looks like. You know you go to work, you set goals, you find your niche. He left that lifestyle totally alone. God is so good! He and his wife just bought a house with five bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms. I’m amazed every day!

And what happened with your youngest son?

My youngest son was an ideal child all the way through high school. Every now and then, he would get in trouble for talking or conflict with his peers, but other than that, he was an ideal child. I got my master’s, my specialist’s and doctorate while raising him. And he said he saw what my older son went through so he knew not to try it (laughter) because I didn’t back down from what I expected. Well, then I sent him off to Columbus State University in Columbus, Georgia. He was 18. And again, the every day influence of mom was not there. So he got with the party crowd, the being popular crowd and the grades were secondary so I would get calls from the dean saying, ‘Your son is not coming in by curfew or he is sneaking girls in the dorm or he is drinking too much or being the party guy.’ I was always being called by the dean. And the girls just swarmed at him so he had a big head. All he wanted to do at Columbus State University was be popular, and it got him in a lot of trouble. He would sign up for a class, and if he saw that he was going to fail it, he would withdraw right before the deadline.

What did you do at that point?

I remember going down there and meeting with the dean and one day, she looked at me and said, ‘You know Bonita, I like you. So what I’m going to do is show you his grades. And I’m going to tell you the truth about what your son is doing. He is not focusing on his classes. He is drinking. He is partying. And you don’t even know it.’ So she pulled his transcript and that was it! I told my son, ‘Look, either you go get some counseling or take six months off, but emotionally something is off because you’re drinking too much. You’re getting in trouble.’ He would get into fights. He would get stopped by the police, and there would be marijuana in the car.

How did you cope?

What helped me with him was the same scriptures I used nine years before with his older brother that said yes, they rebel, but if I kept my faith in God, He’s going to help my child. I did the tough love thing again. I took the car. I started taking things away. Again, I cried, I was heartbroken. So the school finally kicked him off of campus. So he got an apartment with some friends close to the university, and the grades were going downhill. So I finally gave him an ultimatum. I said, ‘Go get some emotional counseling or take a semester off.’ He told me there was nothing wrong with him. ‘You can just do whatever Mom. I don’t like you.’ He blessed me out. My last conversation was him was, ‘Call me when you’re ready for help, but I’m not going to participate in your drama. It may be one year, or two years or three years. I didn’t participate in your brother’s drama, and I’m not going to participate in your drama.’

How did he respond to your ultimatum?

Within a month or so, he called and said, ‘Mom, I thought you never ever step back from me like you did with my older brother.’ I told him, ‘That’s what you don’t understand, I love you both. I have two favorite sons.’ From then, it was an upward climb. He got serious, started going to classes. He cut out all of the poor choices. And he graduated in 2008 with a bachelor’s degree in sociology. Now, he’s gotten his master’s degree in community counseling. And he is a therapist, and he is going back to school to become a school counselor!

Below are three principles she used to help her with her rebellious teenagers.

Trust in the power and word of God and not focus on the rebellion.
Rely on your relationship with God and the experiences you’ve had with Him prior to the rebellion.
Have compassion on your children and continue to love them as advised in 1 Corinthians 13. Be long-suffering.

Dr. Bonita J. Gay-Senior is a recently retired teacher support specialist and department chair for the Cobb County School District in Marietta, Ga. She is now the director for Global Tech Academy/Toomer Elementary School with the Atlanta Public School System. Bonita mentors women by sharing her journey out of abuse, addiction and family generational curses to success and abundant living. Her book “From Doomed to Doctor” is scheduled to be released January 2016. She has been interviewed by the online magazine “Women of Distinction.” This article will be available late fall of this year. In addition, a front cover, more in-depth article will be published in January 2016 from “Women of Distinction” with the sole purpose of encouraging and healing others.