Posted on Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Why I’m Glad Future Supposedly Broke Off His Engagement to Ciara…Breaking Down Future’s Huffington Post Interview

Just Say No to Missionary Dating Yo!

Hello World,

So I rolled over in my bed and decided to pick up my phone and look at FB for a second or two before going back to bed…Awww, yes the perils of sleeping with your phone next to you on the night stand…Mane, I happened upon rapper Future’s Huffington Post interview that was done by Marcus Lamont Hill and posted yesterday or hours ago since I’m posting in the middle of the night…Hill asked Future, Ciara’s ex-fiancé, about Russell’s Wilson announcement that he and Ciara are choosing to be celibate in their relationship until when or if they get married and if he waited with Ciara too…Below is the exchange from the article “Future: Ciara And I Didn’t Wait To Have Sex, But We Prayed After.”

When host Marc Lamont Hill told Future about Ciara and Russell Wilson’s decision to abstain, Future said that while God never told him to wait for sex, Ciara did say she wanted to pray when the deed was done.

“God told me something else. He ain’t tell me to wait. I guarantee you that,” Future said. “We prayed afterwards though. After we did it, we prayed. That’s a true story.”

And here is the video clip of the entire exchange about this question:

Folk, I’m sleepy, but I had to do it…I had to blog about this because it brought back so many hurtful memories of dating men who weren’t bad dudes but just didn’t share the same amount of devotion I have to my faith…I tried “missionary dating” which is when you date someone and try to get them to commit to Jesus Christ through your relationship…It never worked for me although I tried several times…From what Russell Wilson has said of Ciara and what Future has said of Ciara, her faith in God is important to her…Based on what Russell Wilson said of his current relationship with Ciara, he gets that, but Future still seems puzzled about Ciara’s faith…Obviously, Ciara didn’t chose to be celibate in her relationship with Future, and it’s not up to me to judge her for her choice. But, if what Future said is true, her heart is pointed toward God…

I love a lot of things about my husband, but one of the things I love the most about him is his commitment to his faith…On Sunday morning, he beats me going to church…And he is more involved in church activities than I am…It is such a relief…I’m exhaling to borrow a phrase from Terry McMillan….

And I’m not the only one who has had this experience…Tamera Mowry, who is married to Adam Housley, shared about “missionary dating” in an interview with EBONY magazine…

I tried the ‘missionary dating’ [in the past] where you have a person with a great heart who you think is perfect and wonderful except for this one important area that you try to change. That’s unfair to that person. That person needs to be who they are 100%. And it’s unfair to you. You don’t want to drag somebody to church with you. My husband wakes up on Sundays and says ‘Hey, are we going to church today?’ It just makes [waiting] all worthwhile. I dated guys who did not share those same beliefs and it was hard. There were many nights of heartbreak and crying, and that’s not what God wants for us.

To read the rest of the article, go to [INTERVIEW] Tia and Tamera on Marriage and Motherhood.

Here is what the Bible has to say:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

In another part of Future’s Huffington Post interview, Future says that he was the one who broke off their engagement…I got thoughts on that too, but I will keep them to myself for now…Suffice it to say, you have to be equally yoked so it was good that their engagement ended although I know it must have been very hurtful…

Alright, I can go back to sleep now…

Nite…

Any thoughts?

Posted on Monday, June 29, 2015

Seven Scriptures to Show the Emanuel AME Church Shooting Victims’ Families Were Right to Forgive Murderer Dylan Roof

Hello World,

Much has been said about the unmerited forgiveness that some of the family members of the victims’ of the Emanuel AME Church shooting offered to Dylan Roof to his face at his first court appearance in South Carolina about a week ago. Some praised the families’ stance while others have criticized their stance such as Stacey Patton who wrote The Washington Post article “Black America Should Stop Forgiving White Racists.” Most recently, President Obama added his thoughts on their forgiveness, praising the families’ stance in his eulogy of the slain Pastor Clementa Pinckney on Friday…

He didn’t know he was being used by God. Blinded by hatred, the alleged killer could not see the grace surrounding Reverend Pinckney and that Bible study group — the light of love that shone as they opened the church doors and invited a stranger to join in their prayer circle. The alleged killer could have never anticipated the way the families of the fallen would respond when they saw him in court — in the midst of unspeakable grief, with words of forgiveness. He couldn’t imagine that.

The alleged killer could not imagine how the city of Charleston, under the good and wise leadership of Mayor Riley how the state of South Carolina, how the United States of America would respond — not merely with revulsion at his evil act, but with big-hearted generosity and, more importantly, with a thoughtful introspection and self-examination that we so rarely see in public life.

I agree with President Obama. Forgiveness is a powerful stance, and below are seven Scriptures that back up what I believe…

1. First of all, forgiveness, when graciously extended to the offender, is healing to the person who offers it…I’ve heard that resentment is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die…The same is true of unforgiveness…To not forgive is setting yourself to be forever tied to poisonous negativity…Forgiveness is the beginning of healing as is said in James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

2. Also, when you choose to forgive, you are opening yourself up to God’s blessings. But when you choose to not forgive, you are blocking your blessings…Read Mark 11: 24-25^“For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it]. And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.”

3. In her article, Patton said, “Historically, black churches have nurtured the politics of forgiveness so that black people can anticipate divine justice and liberation in the next life. This sentiment shaped non-violent protest during the civil rights movement. A belief that displays of morality rooted in forgiveness would force white America to leave behind its racist assumptions. But Christian or non-Christian, black people are not allowed to express unbridled grief or rage, even under the most horrific circumstances.” I get where she is coming from, but I disagree. Choosing to forgive is not repressing grief nor rage. As we all know, emotions change from day to day. But when we make the choice to forgive even if our emotions contradict that decision from time to time, God rather than the evil one will see us through through emotions as is noted in 2 Corinthians 2: 10-11. “If you forgive anyone anything, I too forgive that one; and what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sakes in the presence [and with the approval] of Christ (the Messiah)^.To keep Satan from getting the advantage over us; for we are not ignorant of his wiles and intentions.”

4. Patton mentioned non-violence and how it shaped the Civil Rights Movement…I believe that without the tool of non-violence, the world over would haven’t been drawn to support Dr. King and others who, in the face of unspeakable violence, chose to not respond in kind…The same is true of forgiveness…As President Obama noted in his eulogy of Pastor Pinckney, the families’ forgiveness has forced America to take a fresh look at racism and all of the symbols that support it….This is the sentiment of Romans 12: 17. “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.”

5. Also, choosing to forgive someone does not mean the person will not get what is coming to the person…But it is not our responsibility to get revenge…He or she will get what is coming to him or her…God will see to it as is noted in Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.“

6. And please know that forgiveness does not mean that we don’t seek justice. Read Isaiah 1:17 “Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause. “

7. And lastly, forgiveness does not give white racists a pass…The Confederate flag is a symbol of hatred not heritage…As President Obama said in his eulogy, “Removing the flag from this state’s capitol would not be an act of political correctness; it would not be an insult to the valor of Confederate soldiers. It would simply be an acknowledgment that the cause for which they fought — the cause of slavery — was wrong — the imposition of Jim Crow after the Civil War, the resistance to civil rights for all people was wrong. It would be one step in an honest accounting of America’s history; a modest but meaningful balm for so many unhealed wounds. It would be an expression of the amazing changes that have transformed this state and this country for the better, because of the work of so many people of goodwill, people of all races striving to form a more perfect union.” Shout out to Bree Newsome! As is stated in the Bible in Romans 10:12 “For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on Him. “

In response to the Emanuel AME Church shooting, The Balm In Gilead has added Church Emergency Preparedness to its roster of plenaries and workshops for faith leaders, health directors, doctors, nurses and all those involved in congregational-based Health Ministries at Healthy Churches 2020 Conference, (www.healthychurhces2020.org) November 4-6, 2015 located at the Hilton Charlotte University Place in Charlotte, NC.

Any thoughts?

Posted on Sunday, May 3, 2015

‪#‎IAmBaltimore‬ : Black, White, Blue… And Gray

Hello World,

I must admit I’ve grown weary of trying to comprehend the incomprehensible : the deaths of Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott and more…So when I first heard about the death of Freddie Gray, I simply didn’t want to allow it to penetrate my consciousness….It had/has become too much…

And then Monday, April 27, in Baltimore happened…riots that resulted in a senior center, that Southern Baptist Church had raised money for eight years to build, being destroyed by fire…a CVS was looted…Then, came the emergence of the “hero mom,” President Obama’s speech referring to the rioters as “thugs,” declarations by Rev. Al Sharpton and Pastor Jamal Bryant and finally Baltimore City State’s Attorney Marilyn Mosby’s Friday, May 1 announcement that six Baltimore police officers involved in Freddie Gray’s arrest would be prosecuted for his death…

But beyond all of the news stories and angry commentaries, I wanted a perspective of someone simply living in the city…someone that I knew…that opportunity came when my friend Leslie J. Sherrod, who lives in Baltimore, wanted to tell her own story using the hastag ‪#‎IAmBaltimore‬…I asked her to share her story here on my blog and she thankfully obliged…Below is her story…

My father grew up on a little street named Ruxton Avenue. It’s in West Baltimore, off of North Avenue and behind Mondawmin Mall, the area at the very epicenter where Baltimore exploded in reaction to the death of Freddie Gray. My father has been quiet this week. When I asked him his thoughts about the past few days, sorrow filled his voice as he reflected on what the whole nation witnessed on Monday. “It’s hard to watch your old neighborhood be destroyed,” he said. That’s all he said. He’s turned off the TV and has watched little coverage since then.

Someone I know shared with me a story about her brother. “He was killed by the cops several years ago,” she says, “and nothing was ever done about it.” She and her family members witnessed the entire incident, him dying before their eyes as his throat was crushed. She pulls up the Internet, shows me a short paragraph of the event that made it into the Baltimore Sun back then. The article blames him for his own death. He choked on something, it reads; no mention of authorities involved. This woman, his sister, shrugs as she speaks to me. Her eyes glaze over with tears and then she turns back to her workstation to continue with her day.

A former supervisor tells me that she is surprised by the violent anger. Though a social worker in Baltimore City for many decades, she admits to being unaware of the rage, disillusionment, and angst simmering just under the surface of so many affected by poverty, addictions, limited job opportunities, failing schools and ongoing personal and public trauma. Not of the urban community, but working in it, she just didn’t know and could not imagine the depth – and repercussions – of such desperation, despite her years of experience.

Stories, memories, questions, observations.

Though we do not yet know how the current events in Baltimore will conclude, we will all make personal assessments based on our individual interactions, conversations, and through the lenses which we see our lives and others. The tragedy of Freddie Gray blew off the lid of a Pandora ’s Box of social ills we have as a society tried to ignore. What we have learned this week is that those ills do not just fade away if not addressed. We’ve been forced to air out our thoughts and weigh our opinions on every topic from racism, parental discipline, authority figures, politics, media representation, and more. The media has especially played a large role in shaping the national discourse, repeatedly highlighting the several blocks or so where the most damage was done, yet ignoring the 99% of Baltimore’s citizens who’ve engaged in peaceful protests, assisted with clean-up efforts, prayed together, and begun the work of healing.

I will not pretend to explore the deep social, emotional, institutional, and spiritual factors that contributed to the events of my city this week. I will, however, challenge everyone to consider their own lens.

Before Christ took up his cross, he pulled together those closest to him to have dinner one last time. Everyone at the table had a role, a perspective: the doubter, the denier, the betrayer, the confused. Everyone at Christ’s table had a lens through which they viewed the history they were living, and everyone had a purpose that somehow contributed to the greater goal of redemption.

America, this is a redeeming moment in our history. Whether black or white; whether wearing blue uniforms or orange jumpsuits; whether a resident, an activist, a victim, a rioter, a journalist, or a bystander, we all bring perspective to the table and it is at the table of our communities and cities where we must collectively commune and dine. Like a family dinner gone awry, we often sit across from each other in our respective seats in society and blame and scream and break dishes and storm out.

This week I’ve heard the roars of helicopters, the blares of sirens, and the chants of protesters. However, I’ve also heard about gang members tying their colors together and meeting with church leaders; about reporters being challenged by concerned citizens off camera regarding the often negative spin of news segments; about people pooling their money together to rebuild destroyed homes and businesses; about students and drivers organizing to provide assistance to seniors who depended on a neighborhood pharmacy that was burned down.

We are at a moment right now to hear each other, to sit down and talk. Let’s go beyond Black and White and Blue. Let’s not be afraid to address the difficult Gray areas of justice and redemption.

Everyone’s story deserves to be heard.

Let’s listen and learn.

Leslie J. Sherrod is a social worker in Baltimore where she lives with her husband and three children. She is also the author of six novels, most of which are set in her hometown, all of which address social concerns with intrigue and inspiration. Visit her website, LeslieJSherrod.com for more information about her work and her mission.