Black Women, Black Love: America’s War on African American Marriage — My Review

Hello World,

Today marks a year that my debut novel Destination Wedding was released into the world! And God has been so good throughout this year in helping me to get the word out about my book to the world. Just this week, I discovered that the Detroit Public Library  chose my debut novel as one of the best works of fiction for 2019-2020!!! It was mentioned in its 2020 AFRICAN AMERICAN BOOKLIST!!! I’m on the list with the likes of Ta-Nehisi Coates, Victoria Christopher Murray, ReShonda Tate Billingsley, Jacqueline Woodson & More!!! (Crazy, right?)

Below is the cover of the booklist, which has been published for 52 years, along with my book cover. According to the Detroit Public Library website,  “this bibliography provides a selected list of books by and/or about African Americans. The works of fiction and nonfiction for adults, children and young adults were reviewed and recommended by librarians of the Detroit Public Library.” Click HERE if you want to see the entire list.

Along with celebrating my book release anniversary, I also wanted to help spread the word about another important book that validates why I wrote Destination Wedding in the first place. Destination Wedding is my response to a real ABC News Nightline piece “Single, Black, Female and — Plenty of Company” in which it was reported that 42 percent of black women have never been married, which is double the amount of white women who find themselves in that dire predicament.

Obviously, as my book is a novel, the women in my book are fictional; however, this statistic illustrates a very real dilemma. Dr. Dianne M. Stewart, an associate professor of religion and African American studies at Emory University here in Atlanta, writes about this dilemma in her sweeping treatise Black Women, Black Love America’s War on African American Marriage, which was recently released. Dr. Stewart actually interviewed me about my novel last year at my book launch at Auburn Avenue Research Library in downtown Atlanta. Through our discussion, we were able to identify how our works intersect. While I address personal solutions to this dilemma through the lives of my main characters in my novel, Dr. Stewart identifies systemic solutions for what she refers to as “our nation’s most unrecognized civil rights issue” in her nonfiction book.

Similarly, as the ABC News Nightline report was broadcast in December 2009, Dr. Stewart cites that in 2009, 71 percent of Black women in America were unmarried, according to the 2010 US Census. As the ABC News Nightline report was broadcast in 2009, that time period was explored in my novel, but Dr. Stewart starts at slavery. She writes that “endless studies examine racial slavery in America as a reverberating assault upon Black people’s historic and contemporary liberties in perhaps every arena of life but one: romantic love and marriage.” Further down, she writes, “yet from its very beginnings, the transatlantic trade in human cargo, which set the American institution of African bondage in motion, required the disruption of intimate relationships and marriages.”

In Chapter 1 “Jumping the Broom: Racial Slavery and America’s Roots of Forbidden Black Love,” Dr. Stewart writes about a 19-year-old slave Celia who was hanged to death after killing her owner, who repeatedly raped her. Her true love was her boyfriend George, but she was unable to “freely choose a Black man as her lover and life partner.” Additionally, she writes that “less than 1 percent of slaveholders in the South held more than 100 persons in bondage, and by 1860 enslaved persons in the South, on average, lived in groups of 10. For this reason, enslaved women such as Celia were fortunate if they found romantic partners residing on the same properties with them.”

In the next chapter “Slow Violence and White America’s Reign of Terror,” Dr. Stewart writes about how Black love continued to be under assault even after slavery ended. Although they had been married for 22 years,  Atlanta, Georgia resident Carolyn Gilbert’s husband, 42-year-old Henry, was lynched in 1947. Through sharecropping, the  couple had saved enough to buy a 111-acre farm. But reportedly, he was shot and killed for allowing a “young black troublemaker” to hide on their farm. Additionally, a police officer shot Henry claiming the “deacon and treasurer at his small Baptist church ‘drew a chair on me.'”

In the third chapter, “Love and Welfare: Johnnie Tillmon and the Struggle to Preserve Poor Black Families,” Dr. Stewart interweaves pop culture examples in addition to more poignant real life cases of how Black love has been disrupted throughout the decades. I loved the 1974 movie Claudine. Dr. Stewart wrote that the movie “depicted the structural obstacles welfare posed to Black love and marriage and the stark reality that for millions of Black women in America at the time, choosing marital fulfillment (as the main character Claudine eventually does) meant loosing welfare benefits.”

Due to my age, I’m most familiar with the examples presented in the next chapter “Black Love in Captivity: Mass Incarceration and the Depletion of the African American Marriage Market.” And the first sentence in this chapter is particularly arresting. Pun intended. “No other institution has perfected America’s project of forbidding black love better than the contemporary prison industrial complex.” Further down, she writes, “Black men are incarcerated at much higher rates than any other group in the United States, even when convicted for the same crimes.” Did you know that former President Obama was the “first sitting president to actually tour a federal prison in 2015?” Additionally, former President Obama, “actually commuted the sentences of more inmates than his twelve predecessors combined.”

Speaking of Obama, Dr. Stewart writes about the former First Lady Michelle Obama in the chapter “Will Black Women Ever Have it All? Michelle Obama, Kheris Rogers and African Americans’ Shifting Landscapes of Love.” Dr. Stewart cites an article “Dark and Lovely, Michelle” by Vanessa Williams. Williams wrote, “A lot of Black women fell for Barack Obama the moment they saw his wife.” Let me raise my hand because that is true for me as well. While Dr. Stewart provides example after example of how Black love has been under assault by exterior forces, in this chapter, she presents an interior force that has its beginnings in slavery. In slavery, lighter-skinned Black people were treated better than their brothers and sisters of darker hues. And unfortunately, due to colorism, light-skinned Black women have more of a chance of getting married than medium-skinned and dark-skinned Black women, according to Dr. Stewart. Within this chapter, Dr. Stewart presents many solutions that I won’t reveal here because you have to read the book. However, one solution that I will share from her book is addressing colorism in the Black community.

Recently, actress Gabourey Sidibe shared that she got engaged to Brandon Frankel, who also works in entertainment. Sidibe, who is a dark-skinned black woman, has apparently received some criticism from Black men for being engaged to a White man. One YouTube blogger points out that in the past, many Black men have criticized Sidibe for her complexion and deemed her as undesirable and therefore have no standing to critique her coupling choice now. See the commentary HERE. Dr. Stewart writes that “Black women not only confront a shortage of Black men but also wrestle with internalized and interpersonal color consciousness.”

You have to read the book to experience the full breadth of Dr. Stewart’s exhaustive examination of this dilemma, but I hope I’ve provided enough information to make you buy your own copy of Black Women, Black Love America’s War on African American Marriage. It is a must-have resource if you care about Black love. I think employing personal solutions while addressing systemic solutions is the most comprehensive way to win the war on African American marriage.

What say you?

For more information about Dr. Stewart, see her website: DianneMStewart.com.

Any thoughts?

 

Not My President? – Coping After Donald Trump Beat Hillary Clinton…

trump-pence

Hello World,

I had plans for a Wednesday morning blog post. Believe me. And then the election happened (or the Great American Apocalypse…I’m still not sure which and it’s too early to tell just yet…). I stayed up until 3:30 a.m. on Wednesday to confirm if what was being reported was really true: Donald “Make America Great Again” by insulting all of America Trump beat Hillary Clinton, clearly the most qualified candidate of the two. When I finally put myself to bed hours after my husband tried to coax me away from my office television, I was sure  I was so exhausted I would sleep until at least 9 a.m. and then I would get up and whip up a blog post. But as the night disappeared and a new day emerged, I found myself waking up about three hours later. At first, I felt nothing, still in the hallway between the bliss of slumber and the jolt of a new day. Moments later,  though, I felt it. All of it. The disbelief. The disappointment. The despair…The Donald…The Donald is the president-elect.

And then there was the déjà vu…I had felt like this before, but I couldn’t remember when. As the depression started to envelop me like the clouds that suddenly showed up in metro Atlanta on Election Day and haven’t dissipated since, I remembered. I felt the same way I did the first time I got dumped in high school. It was my first high school relationship, and it was magical. He walked me to class. He bought me teddy bears. He called me. And then it stopped because another girl decided she liked him. (Incidentally, he married that girl so I don’t feel so bad….I guess it was meant to be, but that’s another story for another day.)

But on the day I finally realized our relationship was over, I came into my house, slammed the door behind me and let out a wail as I made my way to the bathroom. My father, who worked from home, came up to me and attempted to comfort me. When I explained him what was wrong, he said something that was the emotional equivalent of “there, there.” I learned that day that there is some pain that parents cannot prepare you for and that the only way to get over the pain was to go through it…

So that mourning after Election Day, I did what I had to do: I got up, dressed and went to work. I could barely look at people wondering if they had voted for The Donald and inwardly blamed them for this country’s certain demise. For moments, I would forget and then it (all of it) would wallop me all over again. And then, the emotions would spread throughout me like I was coming down with something and then I would figure out a way to distract myself until the Ds reappeared again…

(The Donald dancing on my soul. )

So at this point, maybe some of you are asking what The Donald is so depressing about Donald Trump being the president-elect? If you don’t know, I don’t know if I can truly explain it to you…

But I will at least try…

It all goes back to when I was in first grade. I was the only black kid in my first grade class of white kids. No one was mean to me. I got along with everyone. But I felt different. I was different. My hair was kinky and didn’t flow down my back. My skin tone was a golden brown and the only other kid whose skin tone was close to mine was a Hispanic kid ( I think he was Hispanic. He was definitely brown.) I was an American girl born of Jamaican parents. I very much identified with Mowgli in “The Jungle Book.” I liked to learn and enjoyed what I was learning about, but I wanted to know more about my people – black people. As my reading skills progressed and I was promoted to higher grades, I sought out books about slaves in my school’s library and found many that I understood even as a child.

As I continued to grow, I continued to learn, recognizing that my skin tone connected me to the deep and dark history of the downtrodden of this country. Black people emerged from slavery only to be disenfranchised following Reconstruction. Jim Crow was exchanged for civil rights after much struggle. (A simple summary I know…) And then despite all of that, Nov. 4, 2008 happened. A miracle in our midst. I was so proud. Barack Obama was the right man for the right time. He represented the best and worst of our history. The son of a white Midwestern woman and a black African man, his very genealogy represented the free will joining together of Africa and America rather than what was forced on Africans centuries ago.  As the son of a single parent (since he was not raised with his father), his rise to the presidency demonstrated that single mothers (who are often looked down upon when they are black ) raise children who are just as talented as those raised in two-parent households. His gentility. His sophistication. His good looks. His unabashed adoration for his black wife. His two beautiful girls. All of it. made me fall in love. I confess. There is little he can do wrong. (although I don’t agree with all of his stances.) He was the real-life manifestation of the dream of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

(What’s not to love about this?)

So when The Donald, who questioned the very birth of President Obama for years, was named president-elect to succeed him, I was let down, all the way down. What a dreadful insult! Aside from denouncing President Obama, Donald Trump has denigrated black people by calling us “The African Americans” with a tone that reminds me of how a zookeeper describes the different packs of animals that inhabit the zoo. In fact, the disdain in his voice seems to be a dog whistle for many white hate groups as many have voiced their support of him. (I’ve read a report that the Ku Klux Klan chapter plans to host a victory parade in North Carolina on Dec. 3.) Not to mention the fact that he seems to think we all live in the inner city and are fearful from emerging from our domiciles lest we be decimated by gun shots. Unlike President Obama, he was given millions to start his businesses. And he has been the husband to three women with children from each one. (Well, at the very least,  people with baby mamas should no longer be disrespected.) He doesn’t look presidential. I’m not sure what that “look” is, but he doesn’t have it.  And I don’t have the desire at the moment to get into his despicable  “locker room talk” and disrespect to other groups. Other posts for other days…

I know that now that the election is over, we’re supposed to put all of that dissing away in favor of all is fair in love and politics, but who does that? And it’s not like he’s even asked for forgiveness. I mean according to the gospel of Donald Trump, forgiveness is not needed. Furthermore, his words tear down instead of build up. His beliefs change as much as he updates his Twitter feed. His nebulous past (since it seems we will never see his tax returns) only predicts a dim future.

So after all of this, is Donald Trump my president? Or is he #notmypresident ?

As a Christian (and that is the only reason why), I have declared that God is the ruler of my life and I know that He is the one who puts people in positions of authority. And so, I will do all I can to respect the office of the presidency despite those who decried it (namely Donald Trump) when President Obama was named. But that does not mean that when Donald Trump does something that goes against my principles, I won’t do all that I can to stop him. Some of history’s greatest rebels have used their Christian faith to dismantle injustices down through the years…

…I guess that’s all that I have to say about that…for now…

Any thoughts?

P.S. I have so many questions for God when I get to Heaven…Two more have been added to the list…1. Why did You allow Donald Trump win the election? 2. Why have black people had to suffer so much in this country?

 

Why GOP Georgia Senator David Perdue’s Psalm 109: 8 ‘Prayer’ for President Obama Was Wrong!

politicians

Hello World,

When is enough enough? A new president of this country will be elected on Nov. 8, but some politicians still feel the need to covertly or not so covertly condemn President Obama. On Friday, Sen. David Perdue of Georgia reportedly began his speech at the Faith & Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority conference by encouraging those in the audience to pray for President Obama by quoting Psalm 109:8 to the laughter of the audience. This verse reads, “May his days be few; May another take his place of leadership.” Citing this verse may seem innocuous until you read the rest of Psalm 109. The chapter is somewhat lengthy, but here are the next two verses. ” May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven[from their ruined homes.”

Whoa! Of course, his words caused a media firestorm once the implication of using this particular verse was scrutinized. In a Daily Beast article written by Betsy Woodruff, she referred to a November 16, 2009 Christian Science Monitor article in which the use of Psalm 109:8 on bumper stickers in reference to President Obama was explored. Perdue addressed the criticism through his spokesperson with the following statement according to Woodruff’s article:

“Senator Perdue said we are called to pray for our country, for our leaders, and for our president. He in no way wishes harm towards our president and everyone in the room understood that. However, we should add the media to our prayer list because they are pushing a narrative to create controversy and that is exactly what the American people are tired of.”

I find it hard to believe that Perdue meant to openly express Psalm 109:8 but not imply the rest of the passage, particularly since this verse has been used to “pray” for Obama since 2009. So no one has bothered to read the rest of the passage since then and realize the rest of the passage is not the most Christian way to pray for those in power? Also, this particular Faith & Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority conference is not the first time that President Obama has been the butt of jokes at the conference. In 2014, President Obama showed up in the most unlikely way at the The Faith and Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority Conference. According to TIME Magazine, “small figurines of Obama’s head, first spotted by the Huffington Post‘s Igor Bobic, were placed inside the urinals in the men’s restroom outside the conference hall.” One has to wonder what faith these attendees have if they allowed such a degrading depiction of our nation’s president to be a part of the conference?

urinal

Adam Jentleson, a spokesman for Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) wisely noted in a tweet that Perdue’s “prayer” is why the Republican party now has to contend with Donald Trump, according to thehill.com. “On stage next, did [Senate Majority Leader Mitch] McConnell [R-Ky.] condemn Perdue’s prayer for Obama to die? Of course not. This is why they have Trump.”

Now, I do not think that any political party is above criticism and I don’t believe that God is either a Republican or Democrat, but if you call yourself a Christian, which is above any allegiance to a political party by the way, your behavior should be governed by all of the words of the Bible and not a select few. So here are a few verses for Senator Perdue and others who pray Psalm 109:8 for President Obama, who again will be leaving the presidency in less than a year.

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:7-9

And by all means, read the rest of the chapter for context!

Throughout President Obama’s presidency, all manner of dissension and disrespect was sown by certain politicians and Donald Trump is the robust harvest of those seeds!

I don’t know who will be elected on Nov. 8, but here are two more passages that we should consider no matter who God allows to be elected…

“I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior.” 1 Timothy 2:1-3

“For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.” Romans 13:3-4

Any thoughts?