Elder Mark A. Moore, Jr. & Other Black Church Leaders Should Be Careful About Elevating Scripture Above Therapy Following Suicides of Kate Spade & Anthony Bourdain…

Hello World,

I really hadn’t planned to post this morning because I’ve been out of town for a week and need to focus on returning to the more rudimentary rhythms of life. In other words, I’m readying myself to return to work tomorrow after a week off! But when I saw a Facebook friend’s post about a black church leader Elder Mark Moore Jr.’s Facebook commentary regarding Bible study and therapy, I knew I needed to weigh in about this very timely topic. Below is what he said…

I understand what Elder Moore is trying to say I guess, but in my experience and from everything I’ve read, the Black Church, historically, has turned to Bible study and prayer OVER therapy during a mental health crisis to its detriment. Here a few excerpts of articles I’ve found to support that premise…

From my very own blog:

‘Pain in the Pews’ Conference Highlights Mental Health & Ministry This Saturday!

Excerpt:  Do you feel like the church, specifically the Black Church, has appropriately addressed mental health and ministry? Please explain your answer.

No, I don’t think so. I think that historically, we have been taught just to “pray about it” – which, I agree wholeheartedly that we should pray about everything. However, it cannot stop there. If Sister Mary comes and says that she is suffering from depression and having suicidal thoughts, prayer along with ensuring that Sister Mary gets professional help is what is going to help to heal her. If someone says I have a tightness in my chest and my left arm is going numb, we are certainly going to pray, but someone is going to/should say “you need to go see a doctor.” The same advice given to someone with a physical ailment should be given when someone has a mental or emotional issue. That is not always the case in the Black Church.

Former Child Caretaker Dr. Sheila D. Williams Uses Background to Help Others With Mental Illness…

Excerpt:  How prevalent is mental illness in the black community, and what can the Black Church do to support mental health awareness and treatment? 

Within the black community, the subject of mental illness is still very taboo, unfortunately. There are many people within the black community who have undiagnosed mental illness or have been diagnosed with a mental illness, but chose not to take medication or get therapy. These individuals, unfortunately, are suffering in silence. By failing to see a mental health professional, to follow up with treatment or refusing to take prescribed psychotropic medications, their mental illness not only affects them, but it affects their families, loved ones and the entire community.

As a Christian woman, I have a strong faith, and believe in God and the power of prayer. However, at times in the Black Church we fail to acknowledge and expound upon the importance of physical and mental health. Although prayer and motivation are important, and I personally know the benefits of each, it is also important for the Black Church to encourage and promote mental health awareness. We often seek the help and advice of medical physicians, but we fail to seek that same help and assistance from mental health professionals when our emotional and psychological well-being is in jeopardy. I feel it a responsibility of all of us to promote and encourage 360 degrees of wellness, and this includes our mental health.

From The Huffington Post:

Gospel Singer Tasha Cobbs Says Black Church Can Help With Depression

Excerpt:  Cobbs was diagnosed with depression after attending her first therapy consultation, where she discussed her various symptoms. Now, the singer says she still attends therapy sessions once every month to make sure she stays “connected” with her therapist.

While there is a stigma attached to mental health issues in the black community and it is often viewed as a taboo topic to even discuss, Cobbs believes the issue should be considered a health priority — similar to other serious medical conditions.

“I think when you say ‘mental health,’ automatically people think ‘I’m not crazy,’ because we haven’t put a definition to exactly what we’re saying,” she said. “I believe when you say ‘it’s a mental health issue,’ it’s like having diabetes or something’s wrong with my toes or whatever the case is — it’s a medical condition and it can be dealt with. Just like you can manage a broken finger, you can manage mental health issues. I am a living witness that you can be freed and you can be cured and healed from it, but you have to first acknowledge that it exists.”

The suicides of Kate Spade earlier this month followed by Anthony Bourdain days later demonstrated in a dramatic way that no one, no matter the person’s social standing, celebrity status and wealth, is immune from mental health crises. I’m not discounting all of the people who don’t have a platform and suffer in the same way but because of the platforms of Spade and Bourdain, more people, I imagine, are paying attention to mental health issues.

As Elder Moore said, I do believe that Jesus still heals today but we cannot predict how He will heal and we have to use every resource available to facilitate that healing. I believe God has equipped some therapists and uses them to heal their patients. And some Christian therapists use Scripture in addressing mental health diagnoses. As my father was trained as a therapist and as a minister, I’ve never took part in the stigma about seeking counseling when needed. Bible study and prayer are indispensable tools that all should employ in health and wellness but they are not the only tools that God approves of and uses. I hope that more Black Church leaders come to this realization.

Alright, I think I’ve said all that I care to say except to point out I think that mental health issues are so hard for some people to grasp because the issues take place in the brain which none of us can physically see. But as Tasha Cobbs said, having a mental issue issue is just as debilitating as a physical issue. If someone has broken their leg in a car accident for example, you’re not going to advise that person to crack open a Bible and recite Scripture. I mean you can do it and it could be helpful, but you also need to get to a hospital. A mental health issue should be treated similarly. If someone you know is exhibiting suicidal tendencies, seek the help of a mental health professional and all the while you can be recalling Scripture and praying as you do it.

And below is a Scripture that applies to this post:

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”  Proverbs 11:14

Do you feel that the Black Church elevates Bible study and prayer over therapy and medication when it comes to mental health crises?

Any thoughts?

Three Reasons Why the ‘Baby Daddy’ Card at Target Does Not Offend Me – A Father’s Day Post…

Who that is?
That’s just my baby daddy
Who that is?
That’s just my baby daddy
Who that is?
That’s just my baby daddy
Who that is?
That’s just my baby daddy…

Hello World,

I remember when this song “My Baby Daddy” song came out over 20 years ago in 1997! Time flies. Time flies. I couldn’t believe it when I heard the lyrics to this song (as written above) blare from the radio. A dysfunction put to music. And at the same time the delivery of B-Rock & The Bizz was so hilarious I had no choice but to be entertained. In the song, a woman presumably tells her new man that the dude hanging around aine nobody, that’s just my baby daddy. In other words, we hooked up and produced a child sans marriage and the only relationship we have at this point is for the sake of our son or daughter. As distasteful as the message of the song was, I knew of many women who had baby daddies. The song was created because of real life circumstances which were true then and still are as of today unfortunately.

When this term was created, it was only cloistered within the confines black community but just like much of black culture, its appeal spread to the masses. I’ve heard people of all races refer to the term and we all know what it means. And the term baby mama was added to the mix as well. Remember Tina Fey’s 2008 movie “Baby Mama?” But we won’t go off on that tangent since Mother’s Day already gets most of the love and today is Father’s Day.

All that to say, why is Takeisha Saunders of Texas getting all indignant about a “Baby Daddy” card she spotted in Target on Facebook. Her post about the matter went viral. See a snippet below…

 

I mean I understand her indignation to some degree, but her anger is directed toward the wrong target figuratively and literally. So below are three reasons why Takeisha needs to take her anger and direct toward another target…

1.Target didn’t create this term which has been a popular term for at least 20 years at this point. Within many communities, having a “baby daddy” is what it is and this card would apropos to least acknowledge that fact. Who are we to judge if a woman wants to refer to the man who is the father of her children as a “baby daddy?” With my worldview, I do believe that within a stable marriage is the best environment in which a child could be conceived, but I know that ideals are not always actualized.

2. For some people, “baby daddy” is a term of endearment. I’ve heard women, married and unmarried, and of various races, refer to the father of their children as their “baby daddy.” Yes, I know for many this term refers to a pathology but for some, this term puts a fun spin on paternity. You know when you’re shopping in the card aisle and you can choose a funny or serious card to commemorate an occasion. For some, this is just one of those comical choices. Erethang aine for erebody. Choose accordingly. It is up to you. Takeisha should have just moved on to the next card in my opinion or reframed her response to what she saw.  Like I was indignant when I saw Steve Harvey’s new bacon line in Publix and posted about it on Facebook. I appreciate the man’s humor but his humor does not translate in him getting my bacon for his bacon. LOL. You can’t be a comedian, radio show host, talk show host, game show host, author, marriage counselor and bacon maker (although this translates into  major bacon for him) in my world. I must draw the line somewhere and that would be at pork at Publix, but I digress…LOL…

3. Father’s Day is barely recognized as it is. There I said it. Mother’s Day is heralded from here to heaven and back but Father’s Day is decidedly dimmer. Diamonds is an appropriate gift on Mother’s Day but some Dockers on sale at Target is acceptable for Father’s Day. They will take what they get. Why not have more options to take notice of a day that for some is pretty tricky?

Bottom line: Target’s “Baby Daddy” card choice is a reflection of the choices that some people have made. I don’t think Target should have pulled the “baby daddy” card for that reason. Takeisha, I understand where you’re coming from, but in the end God is the final and only judge who matters.

And just for comical relief, take in this video please! The Tricky Lake show, LOL

Is the “Baby Daddy” card at Target offensive to you?

Happy Father’s Day!

 

 

New Book ‘Sex and the City and Us’ Celebrates 20th Anniversary of the Debut of ‘Sex and the City!’

Hello World,

Do you know what today is? It’s their anniversary…the 20th anniversary of the debut of the now iconic television show Sex and the City…yes, when we first met Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha! My love for the show has been documented in many posts on this blog since the show debuted on HBO Jun 6, 1998! And on today, its 20th anniversary, I must again pay homage to the show that was referred to as a “personal love letter to single women everywhere” and certainly helped me navigate my singlehood days…

Me on Carrie’s stoop when I visited NYC back in 2009!

As it turns out, I’m not the only one who wants to pay homage to the institution that was Sex and the City, journalist and author Jennifer Keishin Armstrong is also doing so in her new book Sex and the City and Us: How Four Single Women Changed the Way We Think, Live, and Love.”

By the bestselling author of Seinfeldia, a fascinating retrospective of the iconic and award-winning television series, Sex and the City, to coincide with the show’s twentieth anniversary.

When Candace Bushnell started writing her “Sex and the City” column for the New York Observer, she didn’t think anyone beyond the Upper East Side would care about her adventures among the Hamptons-hopping media elite. But her struggles with singlehood struck a chord, making her a citywide—and soon nationwide—sensation.

Beverly Hills, 90210 creator Darren Star brought Bushnell’s vision to an even wider audience when he adapted the column for an HBO series. His four main characters: Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha, forever branded the actresses that took on the roles, redefined women’s relationship to sex, and elevated the perception of singlehood. With their fashion-forward lifestyle, they launched a barrage of trends, from fabric flower accessories to Manolo Blahnik shoes to Cosmopolitan cocktails.

Read the rest of the description at Amazon.com…

And if you want to support Miranda, I mean Cynthia Nixon (the actress who portrayed Miranda) as she runs for governor of New York (yes, GOVERNOR) particularly as it is SATC’s 20th anniversary, head on over to store.cynthiafornewyork.com!  

Finally, if you’ve never experienced Sex and the City, the vault of treasure that is this show will be opened up on Friday, June 8 on E! Following a special Sex and the City episode at 7 p.m., hold on for the Sex and the City 20th anniversary marathon of every episode ever starting at 7:30 p.m.!

And here is a scene from the last episode of SATC (Spoiler Alert. Don’t watch if you don’t want to know how it all ends…):

Any thoughts?