Planning & Stressing…

Hello World, 

This week has been an eventful one…in my mind…Between planning my (our) wedding and stressing about it, my emotional world can go from jubilation to desperation in seconds…I’m trying my best to not make this blog about all things wedding and marriage planning, but for the next few months or so, these two areas will be uppermost in my mind as we prepare to join two into one…

A few weeks ago, I was stressing about the high costs of weddings nowadays in “The Wedding Industry Heist aka maybe I should go in the wedding planning business” and now I’m trying to discern what vendors I need to choose outside of the costs…It can be incredibly stressful, and yet it can be so much fun putting together all of the details that comprise the wedding day you’ve always dreamed of…The funny thing about it all is that I’m not of one of those women that has EVER dreamed about a wedding day. I’ve always dreamed of having that perfect relationship/marriage for a lifetime, but the wedding day stuff seemed like it was just fairy tale fluff for annoying women that been have dreaming of being princesses since they read Cinderella.

But now that I have started planning it all, I have become a bridezilla, obsessed with making sure every detail is right and cost effective…LOL…After I finish my work/chores, etc. each night, I find myself spending hours on the Internet, trolling wedding websites like Black Bridal Bliss and The Bride’s Cafe…I’ve even stayed up for almost the whole night on more than one occasion as I have planned certain details…I’m trying to not beat myself up too much about it though because I tend to throw myself in various projects as I work toward a deadline…When I was planning for the release of my book a couple of years ago, I was pretty much the same way…However, this time, it is not a book, it is about a wedding day AND marriage…

Yes, so it’s not all about me anymore…It’s also about my fiance’ too….as we get closer and closer to the BIG DAY, I’m realizing that I really need to work on compromising…when you have been on your own and making decisions by your lonesome for decades, compromise is not something I have had to work on…I have been the head of my household and have proudly made ALL of the decisions. I have decided when I wake up. I have decided when I go to bed. If I don’t feel like cooking for weeks, that is an option. If I want to turn up the music as loud as I can and dance around my home naked, no one has to know…But now, I have another person to consider…I love him, but I imagine my life will look very different a year from now…

So I’m planning and stressing…I’ve even had to repeat scriptures to myself on a daily basis this week when my mind wants to obsess…Below are the ones that have been most helpful to me…

Romans 8:28 (my all-time favorite)

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose. “(I hope I’m making the best decisions, but if I’m not, I trust that God is working everything out for my good.)

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (The funny thing about being humans is that we believe we can figure out the best paths for us because we have been blessed with incredible minds. However, as we only have human understanding, we have to ultimately rely on God’s understanding and trust that He is leading us down the right paths.)

Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (While it is okay to be concerned about an issue, God commands us not to be anxious and worry…I must tell the truth, I have downright worried this week, but I’m working on just being concerned.)

One morning when I woke up, this song was in my spirit, and it has helped me to calm myself down as MY GOD IS AWESOME! If my God is truly awesome, I have to let Him work it all out…Check out Pastor Charles Jenkins and Fellowship Chicago as they sing “Awesome.”

Any thoughts?

P.S. I haven’t posted as much as I like, and I hope to remedy that this month…But you must forgive me if a few of my posts are about wedding and marriage planning…It’s just where I’m at 🙂

 

 

The Wedding Industry Heist aka maybe I should go in the wedding planning business

Hello World,

As you know (if you’ve been reading this blog), I got engaged on Christmas Eve 2012! For roughly two months after R.’s proposal, I was in a state of joy and almost disbelief. While our relationship seemed to be heading in that direction almost from the very start, I still found it hard to believe that after all of the time (years) I prayed for God to send the right man to me, he had arrived finally and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me…

Once I announced our engagement to friends, family, etc., everyone kept asking me whenis the date of our wedding. I had no answer for them. I was still trying to mentally adjust to being engaged let alone set the actual wedding date. This went on for January and February, and then all of a sudden, it occurred to me. If I truly did want to get married, I better start thinking of a planning a wedding. After consulting with R., we decided that a summer wedding would be nice. So I got to planning…

My Mom and Dad on their wedding day...

My Mom and Dad on their wedding day…

A few years ago with the help of a financial counselor, I revolutionized my finances and began aggressively budgeting and saving. Since then, I have become a certified cheapskate and proud of it. One of my favorite mottoes is “It it’s free, it’s for me.” So imagine my shock when I discovered the average wedding costs $25,656, according to theweddingreport.com!!! I mean according to the latest statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau, the yearly median family household income is $62,273. So a wedding for many Americans costs almost half of their yearly salary! Am I the only one that thinks this is crazy at best and downright irresponsible at worst?! And then when you factor in that the divorce rate is between 40 and 50 percent, many couples are just wasting money…In fact, I’ve heard that some couples are getting divorced so quickly that they are still paying off wedding expenses when they get divorced! How crazy is that? I’m not getting married to get divorced, but trust and believe that I’m planning a bargain basement wedding! Mama didn’t raise no fool! (Sidebar: Do you know the average cost of a wedding in 1945 was about $2,000? That’s what I’m talking about!)

So if you are thinking of getting married and having a decent wedding, let me just give you a few of the stats so that you can plan accordingly…These figures are based on a wedding of about 136 guests, which is the average amount of people that are invited to a wedding…

I have found that the greatest wedding expense is the cost of the reception…

The reception location costs $3,226, and the average cost for reception food is $4,757. If you want to serve liquor which you very well may need after adding up the costs, you will need to fork over $2,456 for reception bar service…

And if you want to read to see the rest of the numbers, please go to theweddingreport.com.

Since I am a certified cheapskate, I have become obsessed with cutting down the costs of planning a wedding. My goal is to have a tasteful wedding without going into a debt and allocating the majority of our wedding/marriage money for an off-the-chain honeymoon…

So I have a couple of questions for you today…

How much do you spend on your wedding/honeymoon?

Was it worth the costs?

And if you are a certified cheapskate like me, please share your tips on how to trim wedding costs short of getting married at the courthouse!

Any thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections on being a Preacher’s Daughter Without the Reality Show…

Hello World,

My family...

My family…

So last night I didn’t watch the debut of Lifetime’s new reality show “Preachers’ Daughters” because I have lived that reality every day of my 39 years…

Growing up with a devout preacher of God, my father, and a daughter of a preacher, my mother, was wonderful and challenging at the same time…First of all, my brothers and I always felt loved and cherished by our parents. They encouraged each of us to become kind and empathetic people. They encouraged each of us to pursue our dreams. They encouraged each of us to have personal relationships with God…

Eighteen-year-old Taylor with her father Pastor Ken Coleman of City of Refuge Pentecostal Church

Eighteen-year-old Taylor with her father Pastor Ken Coleman of City of Refuge Pentecostal Church

But, they had a ton of rules…And sometimes I found creative (read: I lied) ways to get around these rules….

My father made it clear once I got into high school that I could not go to dances even though all of my friends went to dances…I felt like Ariel, the preacher’s daughter in the original “Footloose.” Remember dancing and rock music were forbidden by the city council in their small town Bomont? So when I was in the tenth grade (if I am remembering correctly), I devised a scheme to go to my high school’s homecoming dance. As I was on the drill team and often got back from football games very late, I decided to tell my father that he didn’t have to pick me up from school until very late after a football game. I figured by the time he picked me up, I would have had at least an hour or so at the dance in the gym.

Imagine my surprise when as I was sitting with my all-time favorite crush on the

Kolby, 16, Nikita, a former professional wrestler-turned traveling evangelist.

Kolby, 16, Nikita Koloff, a former professional wrestler-turned traveling evangelist.

bleachers, the gym doors suddenly opened and a figure, illuminated by the light in the hallway, stood and surveyed the room. I felt like I was in a movie then because everything seemed to slow down. The figure wore a trench coat and his pajamas showed underneath. At once, I realized it was my father and he walked right up to me as if he had been magically bestowed with infrared vision. I was caught. If I could have passed out I would have as I became nearly mute with embarassment. I hated being a preacher’s daughter that night…

Olivia, an 18-year-old teen mom, and her father Mark, pastor of Everyday Church.

Olivia, an 18-year-old teen mom, and her father Mark Perry, pastor of Everyday Church.

I found ways to date without my parents knowing as well. Although I was allowed to date when I was 16 years old, I didn’t always want my parents to know about every single date. So I claimed I joined a club at high school and we met on Wednesdays evenings after school. I figured that since my parents went to Bible Study at church on Wednesday evenings, they wouldn’t pay as much attention to what was going with this new club I joined, and I was right. So after school on Wednesdays, one guy in particular would pick me up from school and we would hang out. Those were the days…I now know what the verse “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come…” (Ecclesiastes 2:1)  means…Back then, in spite of the high school drama I occasionally experienced, every day felt like a new adventure…

Aside from the rules, I often found myself in situations that have to be unique to preachers’ kids….

I had my first kiss in front of the church during Vacation Bible School the summer before eighth grade…The boy I kissed lived across the street from the church. After we kissed that summer night, of course we became boyfriend and girlfriend…LOL…So after church on Sundays, when everyone was socializing in the parking lot, I would slip away to cross the street to visit my new boyfriend’s house…I figured no one knew what was going on with me because they were all talking…But one Sunday, as I was getting ready to cross the street to come back to the church grounds, I saw my father waiting on the corner…to this day, I don’t know who could have told him where I was..The was the last time I went across the street after church to visit my boyfriend…

When I was even younger, I was always getting into fights – usually because of my mouth. Instead of taking my side in these fights, my father invited the people that I fought with over to our home. He would then give a mini-sermon about being a peace maker…It was worst than being beat up…You know I got joined (talked about) in the neighborhood…

I could go on and on…

And now that I’m an adult, I’m still experiencing the ramifications of being a preacher’s daughter….Somehow, I have to figure out how to invite the whole church to my wedding later this year…Wouldn’t want to offend anybody…Yikes…Pray for me and send a check to to help pay for my reception…I’m just kidding…

In spite of it all, I wouldn’t change a thing…

Any thoughts?