Insecure actress Yvonne Orji is not my friend in real life, but she is my friend in my head for many reasons. I interviewed the Christian actress for THE LOOKOUT in 2017, and I really admired her stance on virginity. This is what she told me:
“From the time I was 17 until now that I’m 33 going on 34, I’ve seen too much. I’ve seen the hand of God over the years in my life, and this one thing that he asks of me. I mean he asks many things of us. But this one thing [virginity] that is a roadblock for so many people, he’s been so faithful to me in the darkest of my days, it’s no biggie.”
Although I am married now, I was single for several years before then and I know her struggle. Also, since Yvonne is the first generation of her Nigerian parentage to grow up in America, I identify with her on that topic as well. My parents are Jamaican, but I was born and raised in America. She has even created a show based on her experience as a first generation American. Below is more about her show:
Aside from this series, Yvonne is also developing her own half-hour sitcom, FirstGen, which is executive produced by media mogul Oprah Winfrey and actor David Oyelowo. Semibiographical, the show features a Nigerian girl who drops out of medical school for a stand-up comedy career and the shenanigans that ensue after her strict African mother discovers her plans. “This is my vision so it’s a very family-friendly show.”
If you would like to read the entire story, go to lookoutmag.com.
So in July 2018 when I learned that Yvonne had a new boyfriend after openly expressing her desire to meet her mate, I was hoping he was the one and wrote a happy blog post about it – Christian Actress Yvonne Orji Shares Prayer She Used to Attract Her New Boyfriend Emmanuel Acho! Emmanuel seemed like he could be the one she was waiting for…I mean his name means Messiah first of all and he is a Christian! And then they had the Nigerian connection. His father is from Nigeria. Also, although he works as an ESPN analyst, he has an artistic side as he can sing and play the piano! And on top of all of that, both are committed to charitable causes. Yvonne worked in Liberia with Population Services International, and Emmanuel worked in Nigeria with Living Hope Christian Ministries! And to put it all together in a pretty package, as a former Philadelphia Eagles’ linebacker, her man was all swole and stuff! When Yvonne announced their relationship on Instagram, she even said, “Jesus out here answering prayers on a Sunday.” He did seem like the answer to prayer…
But Yvonne Orji recently told her friend and author Luvvie Ajayi, who also has Nigerian heritage, on their Jesus and Jollof podcast that Emmanuel is no longer her man. Yvonne and Emmanuel have broken up. This is what she said about it, according to madamenoire.com:
“I just have to say, the reason I am so good and so happy is because I know how God works,” she said. “I have seen God’s MO so many times, that like in the way that you can be like, ‘Aw man, I thought this was it! I thought this was the one!’ God be like, ‘Oh that’s what you thought? I got the goods for you.’ It happened in my career when someone offered me a show and I was like, ‘This is it!’ and then the show went to nowhere. I got borderline depressed. Cut to Insecure. Cut to my life has changed.”
I believe Yvonne is right. Emmanuel may have been the prototype, but the finished product is on the way…and soon too…I’ve seen God do this many times in many areas of my life as well…But as it relates to romantic relationships…I remember in November 2009. I was despondent after yet another relationship blew up in my face…I had suffered through many breakups before but this one really took me out. This particular boyfriend/manfriend (I mean he was in his 30s at the time…) was one who I had dated before. When we first dated, he told me that he did not want to have a relationship. I wasn’t happy with his stance, but I respected his honesty. We remained friends for years. And then he changed his mind. My feelings hadn’t changed and I was available. It was so on until it wasn’t…It seemed cosmically cruel for life to play out that way…
But February 2010, the week of Valentine’s Day, I went out on a first date with the man who would become my husband…It was literally months after the breakup…Nothing but God…And if He did it for me, He can do it for you…
So Yvonne, you better be happy because I am claiming on your behalf that the one worth waiting for is on the way!
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post written by my friend and former editor Kelly Carr. Enjoy 🙂
At the age of 17, Amena Brown made her way into the world of spoken word a little unwillingly. Previously in adolescence, Amena had performed poetry by Maya Angelou and others, but she had never let the world hear her own writing. During her senior year of high school, her mom discovered Amena’s journal full of poetry and submitted a piece for competition without Amena knowing. When Amena won and was required to perform the poem live, she nervously stepped onto the stage—and ended up falling in love with the experience of sharing her own work.
I had a chance to sit down and chat with Amena a few weeks ago at the Catalyst Atlanta conference and converse with her about truth in art, the broken records our country needs to address, and friends you can snot in front of!
Spoken word was a voice for you beginning at age 17. How do you see spoken word influencing young people today?
Amena: “Spoken word and slam—as long as they’ve been around—have always been an underground experience. There was always a community of people enjoying it. It’s just now coming more to the mainstream. In a way that’s nice. When I was first started to do poetry at 17 in San Antonio, Texas, there was no slam team there, there was no poetry scene, no place to go and do an open mic or things like that. Now as a young person you see poets making a living doing poetry, you see all the outlets for that—that was definitely not a thing when I was young, 20 years ago.
“I think that’s the beautiful thing about poetry—it’s very generational. You’re hoping what you’re doing is influencing the poets who come after you. You want to speak well to them, encourage them to keep writing, find their voice in the midst of it. I think that’s a beautiful thing.”
Is there a drawback to these art forms becoming more mainstream?
Amena: “In faith-based environments, there was a time when you would write spoken word scripts. You would write a piece, just like how we do with worship songs, and people would sing a worship song, and they might do your poem too. I stopped doing that because part of where it goes wrong is when the poetry doesn’t stay true to the culture. . . . it gets wayward a bit when people want the results of spoken word without being true to the culture it comes from. Maybe instead of someone reading a poem I’ve written, write your own or find a poet where you live and give them the opportunity.”
“It’s a beautiful thing, returning the beauty of art to our worship services. In some ways we started to demonize art, particularly in our western churches. We left art ‘out in the world,’ as if theology and the message of the gospel and worship and joy and all those things could also not be communicated through art.
“I think some ways in our western ways, we still fear art and what art can do; we can’t control it. I would encourage people in churches, in ministry, find ways you can let art speak. Really that’s letting the Spirit speak, doing what the Spirit wants through the art.
“A painting doesn’t have bullet points. A good piece of art, when you go to a gallery, there’s not this long explanation of, This is what this means. You’re left to walk up to it and see how it speaks to you and how it hits you. Sometimes we fear that. But I think we should see that as a opportunity to trust God—to trust how God can speak to us or speak to other people; when we use art in our ministry spaces, to not try to control it, to use art as an opportunity for us to trust God to speak in the ways God wants to.”
How do you encourage people to use their creativity and step forward with what is in them?
Amena: “It’s super vulnerable. A weird thing inside of us as artists is that part of you wants to put it out there and have seventeen gazillion people read this thing, see your art. Part of us says, ‘Oh no, please don’t.’ It’s back to that control. I still say to artists: don’t try to control the work.
“One of my favorite Langston Hughes poems is ‘Theme for English B.’ . . . . First few lines says, ‘Go home and write a page tonight. And let that page come out of you—Then, it will be true.” It’s one of my favorite quotes because sometimes as artists we’re trying to control the work. What do we think the audience wants to hear? What do we think will get us hired, booked? What is popular, what is trending? I try my darndest not to let those things edge into the creative process and let the work come out of me as it’s supposed to. Right now it’s a bunch of Grandma stories, a lot of storytelling from me, which is different from what I started out professionally doing. I think it’s important for artists to let the work be what it’s supposed to be, and then you decide what you want to do with it once it comes out.”
Kelly Carr and Amena Brown
Your new book focuses on broken records and the painful, negative words that repeat in our lives. Right now our culture in America has broken records—how do you think we’re dealing with it?
Amena: “We’re not dealing with it well. At all. I think a part of having broken records—even what my journey has been and what I hope when people read the book will reflect to them their stories too—is that you can’t heal a broken record until we name it, until we say, ‘This is the part where I’m broken. This is the part where I believe something that isn’t true. This is the part where I’m ignorant and I don’t know and don’t understand.’
“That’s why, as America, we’re not doing a good job dealing with our broken records because it’s hard for us to name what is happening, what has been happening.
It’s hard for us to say those things out loud because if we say them, then it brings to bear some other questions that we might not want to answer.
“Like if we lauded our forefathers as being these amazing godly men, then if we really name it and say that these men sat at a table and made a document and built a nation on a racist ideal that we know is not our Jesus—then that brings some other things to bear. It starts shattering the places where we built our identity. So I think a part of it—what could be good for us in this season of our country—is to name the wrongs that have been done. To name the wrongs that have been done in the name of God. To name the wrongs that are still being done in the name of God. Particularly for us who call ourselves Christians. I think that’s part of how our broken records start to heal. But we can’t heal if we don’t say what it really is. “
After all your time on stage, with others, traveling, etc.—how do you take time for yourself, renewing yourself?
Amena: “I’m very much an introvert. Both my husband and I grew up moving around a lot. I think that part helps you meeting strangers all the time. I love talking to people. That part doesn’t annoy me. When I go to an event and I get to go to a college and I get to go to lunch with college students or if I do an event and there’s going to be time at the end where people can come up and talk to me, I love that. It’s just when that night is over, I really need to go sit down somewhere and watch Netflix or read a book and just do introverted things.
“A part of performing onstage is a big ole conversation, it’s you trying to talk to an audience, it’s you trying to hear what an audience is communicating back to you. I love that part. I just need to go read a book afterward.
“One of the self-care things that are really important to me is to stay connected to the people who really know me. I think in the type of work I do, especially as I’m getting older, my work is getting more and more vulnerable. Which again—I’m letting the work come out, as it wants to. As you do that, people will feel very close to you. They will feel like they know you. And sometimes you’re talking to them and you kind of feel like they know you too. But it’s good for me when I’m at home and in some cities we travel to, we have our real friends who live in those cities and we have an opportunity to be with people that really know us. That I could like I could cry and snot and not have makeup on and wear my sweats.
“We were with our best friends recently and we literally went and got fried fish and just sat around and talked with them and held their baby. Stuff like that. Those are your people. I need those people and I need their accountability that keeps me grounded and humble. Because they really know me. Really.”
My aunt traveled from out of the state to come to my book launch party…
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever. Psalm 107:1
Hello World,
At this time of the year, I always have to pause and thank the Lord for His Goodness to me…So let me list 12 reasons why I’m thankful for 2012…
1. My first book “After the Altar Call: The Sisters’ Guide to Developing a Personal Relationship With God” was published this year. I have wanted to be an author since I was six years old so the publishing of this book represents the beginning of the realization of a lifelong dream… And since it was published, it has become an Amazon Best Seller and Black Expressions Book Club Best Seller!!! Thank you Lord for You are good…
Roses my boo gave me to help me celebrate my 39th birthday…
2. R. (my boo) was accepted into a college program in his chosen field this year…I’m so proud of him and happy for him…Like Brian in the movie “Mahogany” said, “…Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with! ” It has been wonderful to share our successes together this year, and I am looking forward to sharing many more of our successes together…Thank You Lord for You are good…
3. My book launch party was the visual representation of my lifelong dream coming true. And I was so blessed to see how many friends and family came out to support me!!! I will cherish this night for as long as I live…Thank You Lord for You are good…
Me and my lovely assistant at my first book signing at Lifeway Christian Store…
3. The journey of being a published author has been a lot of work, but incredibly gratifying…I have sold and signed books at Lifeway Christian Store, Nubian Bookstore, an Annual Writing Workshop and Fine Arts & Music Extravaganza( both hosted by the Stone Mountain-Lithonia Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated), in Nashville, Tennessee at 33st Annual Christian Women’s Retreat, at Central Christian Church’s 11th Annual Women’s Prayer Breakfast, at the 98th Hampton University Ministers’ Conference and at the AJC Decatur Book Festival. Also, on Saturday, Dec. 8, 2012, I will be one of several authors participating in the Third Annual Southwest Arts Center Book Festival from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. The center is located at 915 New Hope Road, Atlanta, GA 30331. Whew!…Thank You Lord for You are good…
4. Although I’ve been working as a journalist for some time, I’m so grateful for more opportunities in my chosen field…I became an official contributor to Urbanfaith.com this year, and my contract as a columnist for THE LOOKOUT was renewed…I have been a freelance writer for Atlanta Tribune: The Magazine since 2009, but this past summer, I won an Atlanta Association of Black Journalists award for business reporting for the magazine! And I got to be part of the AABJ panel discussion “The Art of the Hustle” with The New York Times best-selling author Denene Millner (one of my mentors in my head). …Thank You Lord for You are good…
Praising the Lord at the 98th Hampton University Ministers’ Conference…
5. Although my primary purpose of attending the 98th Hampton University Ministers’ Conference was to promote and sell my books, God blessed me in other ways as a result of attending this conference…First of all, the music at this conference which was also held in conjunction with the 78th Annual Choir Directors’ & Organists’ Guild Workshop…And when I say the music was breathtaking, I really and truly mean that…I have never praised God like that in all of my life, and it was such a blessing to my spirit…Also, it was wonderful to visit Hampton University for the first time…It is such a beautiful school…
Also, while I did not get to meet Dr. Suzan Johnson Cook, who is immediate past president of the HU Ministers’ Conference and the first female president of the conference, I was inspired to look her up after the conference…Her book “A New Dating Attitude” is one of the most important books I’ve ever read…I’m just going to put it out there…I want to meet her and interview her one day…maybe even collaborate with her on a book….(Dr. Sujay is a true friend and mentor in my head.)…Thank You Lord for You are good…
6. I’m always grateful for my wonderful family…As my family is originally from Jamaican and we have spread out all over the world, I don’t get to see my extended family as much as I would like to…However, I was able to spend some time with one of my cousins who lives in Jamaica…He was in Atlanta for a few months while pursuing his medical degree…Thank You Lord for You are good…
At Sunset at the Palms Resort in Negril, Jamaica…
7. Speaking of Jamaica, as it is my family’s homeland, I’m always grateful to visit although I’m no longer able to visit my beloved grandparents who are now with the Lord…In September, I was blessed to go back to Jamaica to be a bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s wedding. While I was in Jamaica, I was able to see one of my beloved uncles that I haven’t seen in years. Also, it was great to visit this year as Jamaica celebrated 50 years of independence from Great Britain this year!…Thank You Lord for You are good…
8. I’m sooo thankful for my immediate family as I am every year…It continues to be a blessing to see my nephew and niece grow up….I cannot believe my nephew has entered middle school this year……Thank You Lord for You are good…
9. As of this year, it has been 20 years since I graduated from Benjamin Banneker High School in high school! For the first time since then, I was able to return and visit the brand new beautiful school as a part of its Career Day last month…What a blessing! …Thank You Lord for You are good…
10. I never take my health for granted…As of my last physical, I’m still healthy……Thank You Lord for You are good…
11. I never take my finances for granted…I’m so thankful that I’m able to pay my bills, save and invest……Thank You Lord for You are good…
12. And I’m always thankful for the little things…feeling the sun on my face as I drive…a good hair day…a kick-behind workout…Saturday mornings……Thank You Lord for You are good…