Category Archives: love and marriage

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The Giving Away of a Daughter: A Father’s Day Meditation…

Hello World,

fatherAs you hopefully realize, today is Father’s Day! Last month, it seemed the world over celebrated their mothers for Mother’s Day with unabashed praise and adoration, but for many, Father’s Day is decidedly less shiny…If Mother’s Day is a sun high up in the sky, brilliant day, Father’s Day is a sun behind the clouds day, a day that could go either way…Maybe it’s because Father’s Day dredges up painful remembrances of fathers that did not live up to expectations for some…(Hallmark has even created a Father’s Day card for black women  🙁 )Or maybe Father’s Day is not as shiny a day as Mother’s Day because although children are created by mothers and fathers, mothers literally bear a more tangible connection to their children…

Thankfully, I cherish my mother as much as I do my father…I have written about my father in “Color Him Father, Color Him Love (An oldie but goodie…)” and “Reflections on being a Preacher’s Daughter Without the Reality Show…” and now I have a new memory to share…As I was preparing to get married almost two years ago, I was not only aware that I was taking Robert’s hand to walk with him for the rest of our days, I was also keenly aware that I was letting go of the hand of the man that had loved me best…My Dear Ole Daddy :)…And it made me sad even in the midst of my joy…And I was nervous too…Although I had been living on my own for many years, I always felt that my Dad was watching out for me…While we did not expressly talk about all of this, I think he was processing his own set of feelings too…Sometimes I would catch him looking at me. And though his eyes were directed toward me, but they would be focused on something or maybe some place else…

When it was time to actually plan the events of the reception, I waffled about asking him to dadandmedance with me at the reception…After all, this was the same man who showed up at one of my high school dances wearing his pajamas and a trench coat to drag me out of there…But my mom suggested I ask him anyway…I was surprised when he said, “Yes.” Our Father-Daughter Dance was kind of awkward, but I think it illuminated what was going on in our hearts…I imagine it’s incredibly awkward to give a daughter away when you remember when your daughter was just a thought and then that thought became a tiny human being that you watched grow into a woman…And as much I looked forward to moving forward with Robert, it was awkward to realize another man would be the keeper of the treasure trove of my heart…

And although that transition is taking shape every day that passes by, I’m glad I’ve (or rather God) chosen a man that possesses the kindness of my father…My father makes the effort to be kind to all living creatures from animals to human beings…I remember when I was in fifth grade, I had a fluffy black dog named Buffy and she would follow my father and I as we walked to my bus stop each morning. One morning, after I was picked up from the bus stop, a car hit Buffy and she died. My father carried my bleeding, dead dog all the way from the bus stop down a hill to the back yard of our home where he buried her…I see that same kindness in my husband when I feel like I’m about to unleash hell with my mouth until I look at Robert…He doesn’t even have to say anything. With his eyes, he tells that he doesn’t want to fight…And nothing makes you feel more savage than picking a fight with someone who refuses to do so…

According to an The Atlantic article “Masters of Love,” research has demonstrated that “kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved.” I’m so grateful that I have a kind father and now I have a kind husband…

So Happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers out there especially mine – Dr. Denzil D. Holness…I love you always…

Any thoughts?

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Sherri Shepherd Jokes About Giving Her Surrogate Baby to Raven Symone & More on ‘The View’

Hello World,

Me and Sherri :)

Me and Sherri 🙂

First of all, let me go ahead and admit that I am biased when it comes to Sherri Shepherd. She graciously agreed to be interviewed for my book After the Altar Call: The Sisters’ Guide to Developing a Relationship With God, and I will always be eternally grateful…

Alright, so that being said, I’m so glad she seems to returning to her usual rowdy self after the news broke that she was going through a divorce just about a year ago as of this month and left “The View” shortly thereafter. She returned to “The View” on Thursday as a guest moderator and caused a ruckus after Raven Symone, who may become a permanent host on “The View,” said she wanted to have a baby. My girl Sherri said, “Girl, I got one or two you could have of mine. I will give them to you. It’s so funny how women with kids are like, take mine.” See the video clip below…

That was a read for her ex-husband Lamar Sally period the end. Some say the joke was in poor taste, but I disagree. Sherri remained silent for a long time about what transpired between the two of them (which was wise and decent) while he seemed to be on a media tour talking to any and every news outlet to malign her good name. And now she is financially responsible for a child that is not even biologically her child! She probably has to laugh to keep from crying!

During this episode of “The View,” which is having its share of turmoil too, she also shared that her best friends and Whoopi Goldberg warned her about Lamar according to a People magazine article…


“I actually feel like, if I had listened to my best friends, I wouldn’t be having … a million attorneys in my life right now,” she explained.

“My best friends told me … all the stuff that I’m going through now, all the best friends who told me, ‘Sherri, don’t do this,’ … especially Whoopi Goldberg. She was one who came to my room every day and was like, ‘Here’s the red flags.’ ”

At the time, Shepherd admits she didn’t react well “when every single one of my best friends told me there were warning signs. I was like, ‘What is going on?’ I thought it was a conspiracy.”

 

Well, I’m still on Team Sherri, and I know that God will bring good even out of all this…

Any thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Erica Gets a Backbone : Mary Mary Season 4, Episode 7 Recap…

 

marymaryHello World,

As many Christians know, 7 is the number of completion so as it is the 7th episode of Season 4 of Mary Mary reality’s show, one would expect something to be completed in this week’s episode…Was something completed? Of course, you have to read on to find out 🙂

white dressSo this week’s episode starts in the studio, Tina and her husband Teddy along with Warryn, producer for Mary Mary and Erica Campbell as well as Erica’s husband (for those new to the show), are discussing Tina making a solo album…Aside: I noticed that Tina was wearing a red dress that showed a lot of cleavage…Remember when Erica Campbell wore that white form-fitting dress in a promo shoot for her solo album and was giving major body although she was fully covered? The thing is that Mary Mary have been outside of the gospel music box since jump, and I think that attitude comes out in everything they do from their clothing choices to their reality show…So my question is: Do you think that Christian women should feel comfortable showing their cleavage OR showing off their curves even if they are fully clothed? Okay, so back to the recap…

Studio Scheming…

So while Tina is talking about potentially making music of her own, Warryn is getting excited because he secretly hopes that if Tina starts working on her own music, she won’t focus on Mary Mary… Warryn says, “I need Tina to focus on her solo career and stop worrying about Mary Mary because that will help all of us.” In other words, Erica can continue to work on promoting her solo brand without having to consider Mary Mary…But just when he thinks  his secret plan is working, he realizes he is foiled again when he asks her if she has definite plans for an album and she can’t answer the question….

Speaking of Breasts… pink ribbon

It’s that time of the year that women of a certain age dread…It’s time for Erica to have a mammogram and she is scared….”Warryn beat cancer five years ago, and my father died of cancer,” Erica says to her friend, Yvette, who comes to the doctor with her….Apparently, Yvette has battled cancer three or four times…I so understand that fear…Having lost two of my sorority sisters because of breast cancer, I know, if I don’t know anything else, that breast cancer is no joke…But I’m proud of Erica for not letting her fear immobilize her and that she reached out to her friend to support her in taking of herself…

The “No Love” Boat…

Erica

Erica has no time to worry about the results of her mammogram because Mary Mary has a gig on a Costa Rican cruise…Tina booked the Marys to perform on the cruise and sees the cruise as a way for them to have a vacation with their hubbies AND perform…Warryn & Erica don’t see it the same way…”A cruise ship is where acts go to die,” Warryn says…

Tina

Tina is tranquil for a hot second before she realizes that her room is right by the elevator which could make her an easy target for fans…But before she gets in somebody’s face about it and threatens to leave the boat as the “Old Tina” would do, she simply asks to be moved to a different room without a lot of drama…A round of applause for her self-control…

Erica

Warryn & Erica are still grumbling about even being on the boat in the first place as they discuss the situation in their room…Warryn is pressuring Erica to finally stand up to her sister and let her know that she wants to focus on her solo career not Mary Mary…”If this was Tina, she would do whatever suited her,” he says…

Tina

A few minutes later, at least in TV time, we find out that Tina & Warryn have gotten a new room…Hallelujah, Tina didn’t have to tear the club up to get a new room…While in their new more private room, Teddy and Tina have a FaceTime conversation with their daughter Laiah, who is dressed in a cheerleading outfit and ready to cheer! Tina yells, “Put somethin’ on it!!! Some hot sauce!!!” See that’s why Tina has that red hair…She know she’s fiery like some hot sauce…I had another philosophical question while watching tonight’s episode….I wonder what it’s like to have parents that travel all of the time? My parents were home all of the time…Shoot, I wished they traveled back then so I could have some time away from them…So anyway, I have no idea what it would be like to be a kid and be away from your parents on a somewhat regular basis…

Erica

While Erica is away from her husband, she gets a call from her doctor’s office…I really hate when the doctor’s office calls…Don’t you? The cliche’ “no news is good news” must have been said originally by someone who was glad the doctor’s office hadn’t called…And unfortunately, Erica is told some bad news…The test results are inconclusive, and Erica is told to come back to the doctor’s office as soon as she returns from her cruise….So if that was me, I would have to have the captain to turn the ship back around because there is no vacation at that point…Erica says, “This is not the news that I need to hear as I sail away.” Erica goes back to her room and tells Warryn about the call from the doctor’s office. He says to the camera, “I was personally diagnosed with cancer, and I survived so I understand her stress.” Well, Praise God that he is a survivor!!!

 B-Ball Breakdown

Warryn & Teddy Campbell (it still trips me out they have the same last name although they aren’t brothers and married sisters!) play some basketball on the ship…While they are playing the game, Warryn tries to convince Teddy to encourage his wife to launch her solo career…Teddy seems to agree with his brother-in-law…Warryn hopes his conversation was “another nail in the coffin of Mary Mary.” So I’m thinking that the death imagery was too deep…

The Campbells Times Two

The four of them go to dinner on the boat. Warryn has encouraged his wife to tell Tina that she is going to focus on her career instead of Mary Mary and basically get everything out in the open…And now that Teddy is in on his plan, it should be smooth sailing at this point…But nobody puts Tina in a corner and she goes off like you thought she would…While the sisters are arguing, Warryn looks to Teddy to support them…But Teddy says nothing. “I’ve been praying for wisdom, and I know not to get in the middle of two sisters,” Teddy says to the camera…And after what Teddy did, he basically can’t cross Tina for the rest of their marriage…Erica calls Tina “a major butt hole.” Finally, Tina says to Teddy, “C’mon baby” and they leave without Teddy saying a word…Again, he would need not to ever disagree with her ever again…

Rain Forest Excursion

The four get off the boat in Costa Rica and tour a rain forest…So I’ve been to Costa Rica…I generally don’t like rain, but the rain has made Costa Rica one of the most lush countries I have ever visited…I mean the green is in technicolor over there…I also zip lined in a Costa Rican rain forest…It was exhilarating, but this recap is not of my trip…(I’m planning a summer vacation so tropical locales are on the brain.) While the couples are on the tour, Erica pledges to stand up to her sister once and for all and tell her that Mary Mary is over. “I’ve got to stop Mary Mary no matter who it hurts.” Yeah, yeah, Erica, I will believe it when I see it…From what I can see, erebody is scared of Tina….

Stir-Fried Crap

Those are the words that Warryn uses to describes how he feels after they return from the rain forest…In other words, Warryn is sick…He coughs and wheezes and looks like he is about to topple over while Erica takes him to the infirmary…For a second, she “breaks character” and says, “Not right now. Get that camera out of here.”

The Performance

After all of that drama, the time has finally come for Mary Mary to perform…Tina is the first one to show up for a change and is getting ready with a sound check…After a while, Erica shows up since she was taking care of Warryn…Erica wants to rehearse “A Little More Jesus” from her solo album which gets Tina irate. “First of all this is a Mary Mary performance.” And Erica responds with, “At this point, they like Mary Mary and Erica Campbell.” And then she delivers the best line of the night: “I’m over it. Warryn is sick, my boobs are broke, Tina walked out and we still have a show.”

But the Marys manage to pull it together and perform and Warryn, even though he is sick, comes on stage to play the organ…The show is really good actually and Tina says, “What we have together, it’s not what we have apart.” Particularly, as it has taken them 14 years to build what they have together…Erica agrees but says, “I just want to take a minute for Erica.” Thank you for standing in your truth Erica and not letting your little sister be the boss of you!!! Tina says she has been “loosed” of her Mary Mary shackles pretty much whether she wanted to be loosed or not…

So at this point, they only have one more scheduled Mary Mary performance…will Erica keep her mind made up or will she continue to be double-minded and unstable in all of her ways?

I hope this 7th episode is the completion of this back-and-forth drama about Erica Campbell vs. Mary Mary but I guess we will have to see what happens next Thursday!!!

Any thoughts?