Although I haven’t been a single girl for some time, I do remember that dating can be treacherous. I don’t know if this video is a recording of a real incident, but nevertheless, it is hilarious! Apparently, this couple has gone on a first date and the man spent roughly $300 on a steak dinner. As he conveniently lives blocks away from restaurant, he asks her to come to his home after dinner is over. But the woman declines his offer because she is getting up for church in the morning! He was heatwave hot about her answer and proceeds to tell anyone who will listen that she is wrong for telling him “no” particularly when he has kids and diapers and tuition that the $300 could have helped provide. But she rightfully told him that she did not ask him to spend all that money…Anywho, the conversation went on so long, they will probably go out on a second date because I believe he was truly stupefied by her answer and one of the main ways to get and keep a man’s attention is to totally surprise him….Check out the video for yourself and let me know what you think…
And I wouldn’t be surprised if this all went down in the A because dating is especially treacherous here…And if they go on a second date, she probably needs to invite him to come to church with her…What say you?
I’m so blessed that I continue to have the opportunity to share the news about my debut novel Destination Wedding via various platforms! Most recently, I was a guest of Indiana Tuggle on her Pursuit of Purpose podcast. In this episode, I shared about dating with purpose and how my dating (I share my bizness y’all…) life led to me writing Destination Wedding. To listen to the podcast, here it is…
Here’s a synopsis of Destination Wedding:
Successful best friends in Atlanta believe they are thriving. But when an ABC News “Nightline” report reveals that 42% of black women have never been married, the friends resolve to defy the sad statistic and marry in a year: project Destination Wedding is born. Only love is not an experiment easily confined to a timetable…Yes, not only do I write riveting recaps, I think I wrote a wonderful novel as well 🙂
If you’re interested in buying a copy of Destination Wedding and live in metro Atlanta, you can buy a copy at these bookstores: (Be sure to wear a mask.)
Medu Bookstore, 2841 Greenbriar Pkwy (in Greenbriar Mall), Atlanta, GA 30331
UPDATE: Joshua Harris Announces He is No Longer a Christian on Instagram...
Hello World,
Somehow or another, I heard of the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris around the time it was published in 1997. In 1997, I was a newly minted adult having earned a college degree a year earlier. As someone who managed to get through puberty in part due to Molly Ringwald movies, kissing was something I’d looked forward to for a long time and no book that said the Bible said that kissing and dating were wrong was going to deter me…
And yet as the daughter of a pastor and as a young woman who recommitted to my faith following college graduation, I pondered if what Joshua Harris wrote in his book was actually true. Was courtship (which includes the parentals and is leading to marriage at the outset) and not dating the Christian way to mingle while single? Was kissing crossing the line?
But as I’ve always questioned authority, I decided over numerous conversations with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that my relationshipwith the triune God (the three parts of God) would have to govern my actions in mating, dating and relating. And still, if you date more than a few years, about 20 in my case including high school, you start to wonder if maybe those folks who didn’t kiss before their wedding day and courted and got married right around puberty or right after college were right after all. I’m not writing all of this to say that I take any pleasure in the fact that Joshua Harris recently announced via Instagram that he and his wife have separated…
Because as a married woman of nearly six years, I know this must have been a heartbreaking decision to make. But I am writing this to say that with the insight of age and hindsight, some of these extreme views on how to conduct yourself while dating as a Christian can really stunt your growth as a relational person in general. (And please know that I don’t know why Joshua and his wife are separating nor am I speculating as to why…) And I think “groupthink” galvanized by a book or whatever the medium doesn’t take into account a person’s individuality. I think each person, according to his or her relationship with God and the counsel of wise friends, associates, books including the Bible, etc., has to figure this thang out. For example, we all know that Christians are supposed to flee fornication prior to marriage but what does that look like at 40 years old versus 20 years old? Now, I know why many up and got married at 21. Sex, basically. And I’m not even saying that is wrong in each and every case. But what happens when for whatever reason, marriage doesn’t happen until later in life?
While I stand by my book’s call to sincerely love others, my thinking has changed significantly in the past twenty years. I no longer agree with its central idea that dating should be avoided. I now think dating can be a healthy part of a person developing relationally and learning the qualities that matter most in a partner. I recommend books like Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and True Love Dates by Debra Fileta, which encourage healthy dating.
There are other weaknesses too: in an effort to set a high standard, the book emphasized practices (not dating, not kissing before marriage) and concepts (giving your heart away) that are not in the Bible. In trying to warn people of the potential pitfalls of dating, it instilled fear for some—fear of making mistakes or having their heart broken. The book also gave some the impression that a certain methodology of relationships would deliver a happy ever-after ending—a great marriage, a great sex life—even though this is not promised by scripture.
I’m glad that he referenced Dr. Cloud’s book “Boundaries in Dating” because his book helped me a lot while I was dating. His views made sense to me as a grown woman dating and I encourage any person who wants to have a balanced, Christian approach to dating to read his book. Apparently, Joshua made a documentary regarding his reevaluation of his book and ultimately decided to discontinue its publication with the approval of his publisher. (Below is the trailer for the movie.)
You have to respect that. As has been said, when you know better, you do better. His book and the purity culture that sprang up around that same time had good intentions I’m certain and I do believe that some may have benefited from these ideas, but I don’t think that it helps anyone to say adhering to a certain set of beliefs will work the same for everyone. We come from God alone and we return to Him alone and that individual journey must be respected. Am I making sense?