Why I Agree With Erica Campbell’s Theory About ‘Sowing Hoe Seeds’ & Not Reaping ‘Marriage Benefits’

Hello World,

First of all, Erica Campbell’s post about “sowing hoe seeds” did it what it was intended to do: get folk talking about her upcoming podcast. See her IG post below:

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Erica Campbell (@imericacampbell)

To me, what she is said is a no brainer. Look at this like this: You can’t be eating ice cream, cake, cookies, brownies, pie, etc. for years and then expect to be satisfied by meat, vegetables and water all of a sudden! (Sexual appetite is a phrase for a reason!) In order for any habit to stick, you have to ease your way into new behavior. Pardon me for being blunt but “hoeing” (obviously from the word “whore”) is a bad habit, and it takes a while for any habit – good or bad – to be created.

According to healthline.com, it takes “anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.” So if you want to turn a hoe into a housewife or a househusband, you need to allocate at least 254 to days to practice this new behavior. And even then, I believe after a new habit has been formed, there may be a relapse into old habits every now and then!

In sum, if you want a faithful wife or a faithful husband, it’s probably best to marry someone who is by nature a faithful person; however, if that hasn’t been that person’s history, that person needs to have been in a faithful relationship for at least 254 days. For me, it would have to be longer…

But folk don’t see this issue the same way that I do. Veronica Wells of Madame Noire says Erica Campbell’s theory is “baseless.” Below are a few of her points with my rebuttals afterward:

It’s a shame that in 2020, with everything else going wrong in the world, we are still falling into this trap of comparison, exalting one woman at the expense of another—with the validation of a man being the ultimate prize.

Me: Erica Campbell made no mention of a gender in her post. “Hoe” is a slang word for a “whore.” The definition of a “whore” is “a person who engages in sexual intercourse for pay.” While a “whore” is typically associated with a woman, that does not have to be the case according to the definition of the word. Additionally, I assume Erica is not talking a person who engages in sexual intercourse for pay. Rather she is talking about a person who is sexually promiscuous. Furthermore, Erica Campbell has talked about her husband Warryn Campbell’s sexual infidelity in their marriage which even resulted in a pregnancy so it is very possible that she didn’t mention for a gender for that reason. And it’s likely that she has intimate knowledge of what she said in her post…

Rarely, do we hear people still deeply entrenched in the church say it is hard to go from virginal and pure to being sexually expressive—even in the context of a marriage ordained by God. If there’s anything about this post, I agree with it, it’s that flipping the switch can be difficult. But I’d argue that your sexual behavior and having the capacity to maintain a marriage don’t always go hand in hand. Maintaining a marriage, being honest, committed, loyal to someone is more about mindset than sexual promiscuity.

Me: I don’t have as much of a problem with this paragraph. However, I don’t how Veronica Wells got all of that from the few sentences that Erica Campbell posted. I think she needs to listen to her podcast before making the assumption that she said being sexually pure before marriage is ALL that it takes to have a happy marriage. I don’t think anyone who is happily married would say that…

I’ve never sat in a church when someone spoke honestly enough to say that there’s not a formula to life and there certainly isn’t one to love and marriage.

Me: This statement makes me sad. I have mostly gone to one church my whole life (my father is pastor emeritus of that church), and it has not been preached that there is a set formula to life and love and marriage. I’ve been taught that there are precepts that typically lead to living a fulfilling life and having fulfilling love and marriage in your life, but I’ve also been taught that it’s your personal relationship with God which ultimately dictates how you live your life and if love and marriage is in God’s plan for your life. How one Christian leads his or her life may look very different how another Christian leads his or her life according to God’s will for that life. And though I believe that all Christians will experience love in his or her life, that love may not be romantic love, which is also dictated by God’s will. If Veronica Wells is open to it, I hope she explores more churches where these principles are explained…

Anyway, that’s all I have. Sex is an appetite just like other appetites. Going from feast to famine is problematic whether it’s food, sex, etc.

Any thoughts

 

Michelle Williams, formerly of Destiny’s Child, Debuts Cover for Her New Book ‘Checking In!’

'Checking In' is Available for Pre-Ordering Now!

Hello World,

As I shared with you last month, Michelle Williams, formerly of Destiny’s Child, will be releasing her first book entitled Checking In (Nelson Books),  an account of her journey with mental health and wellness, on May 25, 2021!

Well, now she is debuting the cover for her new book! Check out her announcement below:

Below is the official description of Checking In from Amazon:

Acclaimed musical artist Michelle Williams shares the intimate, never-before-told story of how, even in the midst of enormous fame and success, she battled depression, leading her to find her true calling as an advocate for mental health–especially her own.

As a member of Destiny’s Child, one of the top female R&B groups of all time, Michelle Williams felt blessed. After the group disbanded, she continued to create bestselling albums, appear on television shows, and star in theater productions. Though she had always struggled with low moods, in 2018 her depression deepened, and when she found herself planning her own funeral, she checked herself into a treatment facility. There she found the help she needed to live out the incredible story God was writing for her life.

In her first book, Michelle courageously shares the hidden secrets that nearly ended her life; the importance of her faith, family, and friends; and the lessons she learned about prioritizing her mental health. She is on a quest to increase mental health awareness and urges others to understand the importance of “checking in” with themselves, God, and others. Her candid, often humorous, and incredibly brave book will inspire readers who desire hope for their own difficult times.

Well, I’m one of those “nosey folk” that she speaks of so I will be getting my copy of Checking In! LOL! What about you?

Any thoughts?

Mother & Daughter Survivors Treated for Breast Cancer One Year Apart, Inspired By Deceased Relative’s Fight…FIVE-YEAR UPDATE!!!

Keisha Pooler, her mother Mary Marshall and Keisha’s daughter

Hello World,

As this is the last week of October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I wanted to  tell you that five years later after I originally wrote this post Keisha Pooler and her mother Mary Marshall are still surviving and thriving!!! What follows is my original post in 2015…

I lost two of my Delta line sisters to this hideous disease so this is a cause that is very dear to me. When another one of my sorors Keisha Pooler shared on Facebook that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and began posting pictures of herself at her chemotherapy treatments, I was inspired by her openness and bravery so I thought I would tell her story here. I hope her openness and bravery inspires you as they did me.

Jacquelyn Pullins aka Aunt Jackie

Jacquelyn Pullins aka Aunt Jackie

As an invincible and healthy college freshman at Morris Brown College in 1992 with nothing but time ahead of her, the last thing on then Keisha Pullins’ mind was breast cancer. But an arbitrary search for a pen in the lingerie drawer of her Aunt Jackie Pullins, who the Dublin, Georgia native lived with while enrolled in the Atlanta school, put her in the path of the deadly disease in a way that forever changed her trajectory. “I was digging in her drawer, trying to find a pen, and I ran across her prosthetic. It was shaped in foam and had a nipple on it.  I asked her, ‘Jackie, What is this?’ She said, ‘It’s a fake titty. What do you think it is?'” Her aunt’s clear-eyed, straightforward answer was representative of the sister relationship that Keisha had with her mother’s baby sister, who was in early 40s, who Keisha saw as mostly a sister but a sometime surrogate mother. Her Aunt Jackie also told her niece to not tell anyone as she did not want anyone to worry about her. However, Keisha was worried. “Her diagnosis changed my life. It was representative of something that could transfer into death in my home, in my family.” From then on, at the recommendation of her Aunt Jackie, who found the lump in her breast, Keisha began doing self-exams and has ever since. While Keisha kept her Aunt Jackie’s secret, her secret revealed itself when her aunt came home to Dublin several months later by the end of Keisha’s freshman year to go the the funeral of Keisha’s stepfather. “At the funeral, she became very ill so she started chemotherapy in Dublin. She never made it back to Atlanta.”

While Keisha continued at Morris Brown College, she returned to Dublin periodically to check on her Aunt Jackie and go with her to her chemotherapy treatments when she could. “She was not married, and she had no children so my sister and I were her kids.” After her treatment, her aunt went into remission for roughly four to five years but the cancer came back in 1997 or 1998. She was told she had months to live, but she didn’t want to go through chemotherapy again. Despite her prognosis, she didn’t pass away until 2001. During that time, however, she continued to live and deliver her deadpan humor. When Keisha asked her Aunt Jackie why she was adamant on getting a loan at one point, her Aunt Jackie replied, “Keisha, I’ll be dead before they get the money back.” “I remember thinking that in that moment, she was laughing and dying simultaneously.” However, there were serious moments too. Her aunt made her the beneficiary of her life insurance policies and showed her where to find all of her important documents. Although Keisha’s mother was her Aunt Jackie’s official caretaker, she felt like the then 25-year-old Keisha would be more responsible. “My Aunt Jackie was adamant about my mom getting a mammogram, but she never did. She always said she was scared to find out.”

Keisha and her husband at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk on Saturday, October 24.

Keisha and her husband at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk on Saturday, October 24. Their daughter is in the background.

In fact, Keisha’s mother, Mary Marshall, would not have a mammogram until she was 68 years old, in May 2013. It was recommended that she get a mammogram as part of a full-body exam after she got sick with shingles. Keisha was concerned when her mother called her after her mammogram and told her that a biopsy was the next step. She called the medical center and asked about her mother’s results. “I said, ‘I know you’re limited in what information you can give, but do I need to make a trip to Dublin to see my mother?”’ She was told that she should come to Dublin so Keisha and her sister made the trip. The same doctor, Dr. Samson, who took care of her Aunt Jackie during her breast cancer treatment was the same doctor that told Keisha’s mother Mary Marshall in front of her daughters that she, too, had breast cancer. “My sister had to leave the room. I took out my pen and started taking notes and asking questions. My mom took a deep breath and said, ‘Okay, what do we do next?’ There were no tears. She was stoic.” She was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in June 2013, and six months of chemotherapy followed by four to six months of radiation was recommended for treatment. Mary Marshall says she cannot pinpoint exactly why she waited so long to have her first mammogram except to say that she saw what her sister went through and did not want that for herself. “I just put it out of my mind.” However, her sister’s example came back to her when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. “In my mind, I said, ‘I’m going to be strong like Jackie. ‘”

In fact, her sister’s strength inspired Mary Marshall so much that she urged her daughter to have a follow up exam after Keisha’s first mammogram at 40 years old revealed that she had some cysts that needed to be further evaluated. Keisha delayed making and keeping the appointment for roughly eight to nine months. While she spent spring break with her daughter in Atlanta earlier this year, she told her that she would not leave until Keisha made the appointment. “I had that feeling that she might follow in my footsteps so I said, ‘Keisha, have you gone?'” So Keisha made and kept her follow up

"The beautiful thing about breast cancer is that puts you in a sorority you never asked to be in."

“The beautiful thing about breast cancer is that it puts you in a sorority you never asked to be in.”

appointment. An ultrasound was done, and a more in-depth evaluation was recommended. She was told she get the results in a week. “I went about my life, but I felt like I was in a cloud like when you see a character in a Spike Lee film and their feet aren’t moving. It felt like I was floating,” says Keisha, who is an instructional coach at Maynard Jackson High School in Atlanta. When she got the call, she was at the school. The news wasn’t what she hoped for. “I stopped breathing for a second. I went outside and sat on one of the benches and took my legs up under me. I asked the doctor, ‘Am I going to die?’ He said, ‘I’m not telling you that is going to happen. Let’s take one thing at a time.” Keisha was reassured when her doctor told her he would be meeting with a team of medical professionals to immediately work on a treatment plan for her stage 1 breast cancer. She was also encouraged when he told her that not all breast cancers are the same as Keisha has borderline triple-negative breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy in June and started chemotherapy in July. Now, she is undergoing radiation. She did not hesitate to share her story on Facebook with her community of friends and has shared photographs throughout her treatment. “I’ve been given the gift of speaking and writing. I think I got it from my mother’s father who was a preacher. He was so influential in the community, and he was always being vocal. It something sits inside of me, it sickens me. And I feel like I am soldier on the front lines, and if I kept it to myself, I’m not only doing an injustice to myself but to Jehovah Jireh.”

After she was told about her diagnosis, she told the news to Marcus, her husband of 16 years. “He said, ‘We’re gonna kick cancer’s @$$! You’ve seen your mama. You’ve seen your aunt.'” The couple then told their 10-year-old daughter. Although her eyes were filled with tears, she said, “‘Okay, mama we got this!'” She gave me a high five, and she gave her daddy a high five.” Providentially it seems, after Keisha’s diagnosis, her husband broke his hand in a car accident and as result, he has had to recover at home with Keisha.  “I feel like I am a seed that was planted, but I was not meant to be buried, I am planted to bloom.”

If you haven’t supported breast cancer awareness through organizations such as The Lola Brown Foundation (the organization named after my deceased Delta line sister) and breast cancer cure research through organizations such as the American Cancer Society, please consider doing so…

Any thoughts?